We have spoken of many things concerning celibacy, culminating in one of the things it helps lead to: Mystical Marriage with God. In this mystical marriage, the soul receives delights and ecstasies, at times, that far surpass anything it has lost of the earth. There is no longer a physical man, for me, to relate to in sex. But being that God, in the Person of Jesus, is my Divine Spouse (later Nityananda married me also) He appears to me in a metaphysical way, and anoints me not with sperm, but with grace, which fructifies me to bear Our children. I say "Our," not only His, because I am God's woman now, completely and totally one with Him who appears to me as Spouse, and we have all the things people have on earth only higher and better. What is sex? In a crude way, it is skin and lubrication rubbing against each other. If it gets spiritual or satisfying, there is great energy - energy that charges up the batteries of one another, when they are a compatible pair. (After all, like batteries must have a plus and a minus. Two pluses cannot make energy, nor can two minuses. They have to be of a kind that clicks to make energy.) With God, this is a whole "mother ball game. What power God has! The soul must be receptive, and God places grace into the soul, and the body participates as well or tags along. To my senses, God appears as the "Masculine Divine," because that is the image I can relate to.





This brings forth a question. I am speaking of God as male impregnating me. What happens with my male devotees - or any other males for that matter, assuming they are heterosexual. God will appear to you in the way that satisfies you. I once saw a gay movie, where an abused blind young man saw, somehow, an image of God - a deified man - as a very beautiful muscular male. He was standing in the Light in a garden. This was ecstatic, and he gave a "blow job" to God. God came to him to heal him of abuse, and this was how he related to God in the movie. In mystical theology and its experiences, it is like that, only of course, more subtle. What does subtle mean? More elevated, the spiritual senses being extremely sensitive. It is like the difference between brillo against your skin or the soft fur of a baby seal.

I will wager that when males develop and come closer and closer to God, God appears to them as the "Feminine Divine." Many of the saints describe God as Mother Mary appearing to them and relating to them in a comforting way. I have never heard of male saints speaking of the Feminine Divine as lover or spouse because if and when it happened, within the Catholic Church two things would have happened. One, they would have kept their mouths shut. And two, if they ever wrote it down, it would have been censored. The Catholic Church has decided how you can relate to God, and it is only as Jesus Christ. So males, as well as females, are supposed to marry Jesus Christ. This makes for a tricky situation. How can an ascended, enlightened male soul comfortably make love with Jesus Christ? I believe most of the accounts of male Saints relating to Jesus are as Brother, Friend and the like. The counterpart of my honest experiences, for them, would be the Feminine Divine as the most beautiful and sexy woman in the world, that image thereof, and God being behind the image, transmitting grace into the soul. The man has no womb, but his soul becomes pregnant by this powerful Spouse, and then, there are children.




There are many great things that come from making this transition from earthly lovers to the One Great Lover, God. First, you cannot lose God. God and you become One, and you are made complete. With people, there is no certainty or security. The love you hoped for, the union, is not as elevated - by light years lower than that with God. And second, what you have you can easily lose, and that is heartbreaking. You are never sure nor are you totally secure with an earthly lover, even if you have been married for years. How many old men have left their old wives for a younger woman? Earthly love is partial satisfaction, as Muktananda says, but God is total fulfillment. When you are undeveloped, you are always looking for another person to fill the gaps. Yet this is not fulfillment, because the other person is always separate, on some level, no matter how close you are. But with God, there is, once you are perfect, no separation at all. You are God and God is you. You are no longer a separate individual, but part of the Infinite Eternal Stream of God.


You might ask, "What does celibacy have to do with this? I am not celibate, but I'm going to make it. I will become a great saint. I will have enlightenment, and see God face to face."


If you are ever to have such experiences, at the very least, during the time of them, you will be celibate. Otherwise, it won't work. I imagine you will have to be truthfully celibate for years before such a thing can happen. Now later, you could go back into having sex, but if you do, it might curtail further experiences like that.





The purpose of celibacy is to free you from the sex drive, so you can be free for God. Biologically, the following has to happen. Your pituitary gland has to stop sending messages to your genital organs. Having said that, you now understand, this is not for everyone. Only the person with the will of iron, so to speak, can endure such a discipline. It takes years to train the body to do something that is against the natural order, but it can be done. I have done it and mystics and saints have done it.

You can do it, but you have to want it. Your decision has to be final, when it is time to take the final vow. You cannot break a promise to God, as it will make you feel guilty, have low self esteem and even hate yourself, (if you break a solemn promise to God.)





To those who say they can have it both ways, good luck. You will need it. You will end up, in my opinion, as the lukewarm whom God will spit out of her mouth. Right now I called about ten devotees. Some did not answer because of sex, and others fell through it. Two are left standing for God and me. So be it. I have decided that this will be the cutting edge, the linchpin of who gets into my inner circle. If you can't take it - stay away from me. There will be an intimate circle of devotees who are on the path to celibacy. They might not have reached the final stage - freedom from sex - but they are willing to battle for this freedom, and they are on their way. These alone can be intimate with me, in terms of staying close to me, having my time and energy, and staying in my house or ashram. The others can be in the Church, but not as close to me. This also follows with God. Those who are dead to self are the closest, while those who are not are in different areas of varying distance. If I allowed men filled with sexual desire to occupy my house, my domain, my ashram and monastery, they would bring chaos. Their minds would always be on sex and women, and they would be unfaithful to me and the Church. They would be divided, and they would fall. I assure you of this. If they snuck around behind my back they would be like the Priests who enter the Catholic Church, but continue to have sex. They pollute the Church, after having taken vows.
When the disciples followed Jesus, they had to leave their wives behind for much of the time. they were totally dedicated to Jesus. But I can imagine those who pine for their wives night and day and can't stand to be without them could not be of any help to Jesus.





There are various degrees of celibacy between the beginning and freedom from sex. We all have glands, and the glands stay active until the pituitary gland stops sending messages.


GRADE 1. You stop having sex with the partner or partners of your choice. You do not stop masturbating because you still have a sex drive.

GRADE 2. You have sex only with your spouse and you and that person both follow God. You remain faithful to each other. Masturbation is a possibility, if you need it, and it doesn't count as a transgression.

GRADE 3. You have discouraged yourself from thinking of sex and your sex drive has lessened. You still masturbate, but not as much as before.

GRADE 4. After many years of progressive training away from sex, you no longer masturbate because the pituitary gland no longer sends messages to the genitals. You are now free from sex, and you have control over yourself, and your body is at peace. You now do not see people as sex objects any more, to be exploited by your need. You have a cleaner, purer view of others. You are free to have spiritual relationships untainted by your sex drive.


This is the goal of celibacy.




When embarking upon celibacy, I made one mistake. I decided to take it to an extreme beyond what Our Holy Mother asked me. All she said to me was,

"I want you to stop having sex with men."

But of my own mind, I decided not to masturbate. My pituitary gland was still actively sending messages, so I had to stop it. I said I would never look at or think of attractive men, and I forced myself to obey. Pretty soon I could not defecate. I had succeeded in stopping the masturbation, but what I had done - and it took me years to figure it out - was paralyze my organs of excretion, through the process of cutting off feelings from the waist down. I paid for this through six years of enemas, before finally wising up. Then I used self-hypnosis to loosen my peristaltic action, and finally freed up my glands. Therefore, I caution all of you not to use this violence on yourself. If you want to stop sex, do it gradually, while masturbating when the need is overwhelming. Little by little, over many years, your drive will diminish. Don't do it suddenly!





There are many benefits that I enjoy as a true celibate that I did not enjoy before. Celibacy is like being a garden enclosed, where no one enters but God. It has walls and a gate, and the beauty in it is not to be trampled upon by animals. To some degree, I feel protected from a myriad of problems that happens in involvement with men, when they are low minded. Some men, who seem to be respectable, see themselves as clean and pure, but the women they have sex with as sluts and whores; or at the very least, their dutiful sex objects. Some men are nice, but they think women should be available to them for sex - almost at the first date! God help you if you make them wait a month. They will accuse you of being "frigid" and gay. As a woman in a Patriarchal society, you almost can't win. If you do sex, you are a sex object and slut. If you don't do sex, it's frigid and gay. Now if you are celibate - you are also a target but at least you have the "revenge" that none of them is getting to you! They accuse me - as of this very day - of having "issues," "psychological problems" and so on. They can't look in the mirror and see it is they who have the problems. These men would look at a holy nun and assume she is somehow twisted and warped because she has kept herself solely for the grace of God. They just can't understand because their pride and egos are hurt. All women must be available to men, they reason. Men must appraise women for their sexual attractiveness, and only the men make the decision that if you do not measure up, they will leave you in a state of celibacy. But you yourself - especially if you are beautiful, they figure - cannot decide to just say no to men! This is the insanity and low-mindedness of such a culture. Instead of giving you a medal, like the Purple Heart, they harass and condemn you. The Saints all had to go go through Hell to get to Heaven.


Although men may rant and rave, you can just tune them out and follow your spiritual practices alone. That is what I do.






One of the things Jesus gave me at my Betrothal with Him in January, 1978, was the gift of having "spiritual relationships with men." This could not have been if I had not become celibate. Granted, it took a long time, (for these relationships to come forth,) but finally, it happened. I also enjoy spiritual relationships by my mystical union with Purgatory. This could not happen easily if my mind was on the earth.


Rasa Von Werder
June 19, 2005






© 2004 - 2006 RASA VON WERDER