- A SECRET DOOR
PART II BY RASA VON WERDER
We have spoken of many things concerning celibacy, culminating in one of the things it helps lead to: Mystical Marriage with God. In this mystical marriage, the soul receives delights and ecstasies, at times, that far surpass anything it has lost of the earth. There is no longer a physical man, for me, to relate to in sex. But being that God, in the Person of Jesus, is my Divine Spouse (later Nityananda married me also) He appears to me in a metaphysical way, and anoints me not with sperm, but with grace, which fructifies me to bear Our children. I say "Our," not only His, because I am God's woman now, completely and totally one with Him who appears to me as Spouse, and we have all the things people have on earth only higher and better. What is sex? In a crude way, it is skin and lubrication rubbing against each other. If it gets spiritual or satisfying, there is great energy - energy that charges up the batteries of one another, when they are a compatible pair. (After all, like batteries must have a plus and a minus. Two pluses cannot make energy, nor can two minuses. They have to be of a kind that clicks to make energy.) With God, this is a whole "mother ball game. What power God has! The soul must be receptive, and God places grace into the soul, and the body participates as well or tags along. To my senses, God appears as the "Masculine Divine," because that is the image I can relate to.
HOW DOES GOD MAKE LOVE TO MEN?
This brings forth a question. I am speaking of God as male impregnating me. What happens with my male devotees - or any other males for that matter, assuming they are heterosexual. God will appear to you in the way that satisfies you. I once saw a gay movie, where an abused blind young man saw, somehow, an image of God - a deified man - as a very beautiful muscular male. He was standing in the Light in a garden. This was ecstatic, and he gave a "blow job" to God. God came to him to heal him of abuse, and this was how he related to God in the movie. In mystical theology and its experiences, it is like that, only of course, more subtle. What does subtle mean? More elevated, the spiritual senses being extremely sensitive. It is like the difference between brillo against your skin or the soft fur of a baby seal.
There are many great things that come from making this transition from earthly lovers to the One Great Lover, God. First, you cannot lose God. God and you become One, and you are made complete. With people, there is no certainty or security. The love you hoped for, the union, is not as elevated - by light years lower than that with God. And second, what you have you can easily lose, and that is heartbreaking. You are never sure nor are you totally secure with an earthly lover, even if you have been married for years. How many old men have left their old wives for a younger woman? Earthly love is partial satisfaction, as Muktananda says, but God is total fulfillment. When you are undeveloped, you are always looking for another person to fill the gaps. Yet this is not fulfillment, because the other person is always separate, on some level, no matter how close you are. But with God, there is, once you are perfect, no separation at all. You are God and God is you. You are no longer a separate individual, but part of the Infinite Eternal Stream of God.
You might ask, "What does celibacy have to do with this? I am not celibate, but I'm going to make it. I will become a great saint. I will have enlightenment, and see God face to face."
If you are ever to have such experiences, at the very least, during the time of them, you will be celibate. Otherwise, it won't work. I imagine you will have to be truthfully celibate for years before such a thing can happen. Now later, you could go back into having sex, but if you do, it might curtail further experiences like that.
PURPOSE OF CELIBACY PHYSICAL & SPIRITUAL
The purpose of celibacy is to free you from the sex drive, so you can be free for God. Biologically, the following has to happen. Your pituitary gland has to stop sending messages to your genital organs. Having said that, you now understand, this is not for everyone. Only the person with the will of iron, so to speak, can endure such a discipline. It takes years to train the body to do something that is against the natural order, but it can be done. I have done it and mystics and saints have done it.
those who say they can have it both ways, good luck. You will need it.
You will end up, in my opinion, as the lukewarm whom God will spit out
of her mouth. Right now I called about ten devotees. Some did not answer
because of sex, and others fell through it. Two are left standing for
God and me. So be it. I have decided that this will be the cutting edge,
the linchpin of who gets into my inner circle. If you can't take it -
stay away from me. There will be an intimate circle of devotees who are
on the path to celibacy. They might not have reached the final stage -
freedom from sex - but they are willing to battle for this freedom, and
they are on their way. These alone can be intimate with me, in terms of
staying close to me, having my time and energy, and staying in my house
or ashram. The others can be in the Church, but not as close to me. This
also follows with God. Those who are dead to self are the closest, while
those who are not are in different areas of varying distance. If I allowed
men filled with sexual desire to occupy my house, my domain, my ashram
and monastery, they would bring chaos. Their minds would always be on
sex and women, and they would be unfaithful to me and the Church. They
would be divided, and they would fall. I assure you of this. If they snuck
around behind my back they would be like the Priests who enter the Catholic
Church, but continue to have sex. They pollute the Church, after having
DEGREES OF CELIBACY
There are various degrees of celibacy between the beginning and freedom from sex. We all have glands, and the glands stay active until the pituitary gland stops sending messages.
This is the goal of celibacy.
WORD OF CAUTION
When embarking upon celibacy, I made one mistake. I decided to take it to an extreme beyond what Our Holy Mother asked me. All she said to me was,
BENEFITS OF CELIBACY
There are many benefits that I enjoy as a true celibate that I did not enjoy before. Celibacy is like being a garden enclosed, where no one enters but God. It has walls and a gate, and the beauty in it is not to be trampled upon by animals. To some degree, I feel protected from a myriad of problems that happens in involvement with men, when they are low minded. Some men, who seem to be respectable, see themselves as clean and pure, but the women they have sex with as sluts and whores; or at the very least, their dutiful sex objects. Some men are nice, but they think women should be available to them for sex - almost at the first date! God help you if you make them wait a month. They will accuse you of being "frigid" and gay. As a woman in a Patriarchal society, you almost can't win. If you do sex, you are a sex object and slut. If you don't do sex, it's frigid and gay. Now if you are celibate - you are also a target but at least you have the "revenge" that none of them is getting to you! They accuse me - as of this very day - of having "issues," "psychological problems" and so on. They can't look in the mirror and see it is they who have the problems. These men would look at a holy nun and assume she is somehow twisted and warped because she has kept herself solely for the grace of God. They just can't understand because their pride and egos are hurt. All women must be available to men, they reason. Men must appraise women for their sexual attractiveness, and only the men make the decision that if you do not measure up, they will leave you in a state of celibacy. But you yourself - especially if you are beautiful, they figure - cannot decide to just say no to men! This is the insanity and low-mindedness of such a culture. Instead of giving you a medal, like the Purple Heart, they harass and condemn you. The Saints all had to go go through Hell to get to Heaven.
Although men may rant and rave, you can just tune them out and follow your spiritual practices alone. That is what I do.
CELIBACY DOES NOT END RELATIONSHIPS
IT SPIRITUALIZES THEM
One of the things Jesus gave me at my Betrothal with Him in January, 1978, was the gift of having "spiritual relationships with men." This could not have been if I had not become celibate. Granted, it took a long time, (for these relationships to come forth,) but finally, it happened. I also enjoy spiritual relationships by my mystical union with Purgatory. This could not happen easily if my mind was on the earth.
END OF PART TWO