NOTICE: Consult with your physician before starting any new diet


There are numerous crazy diets out there, and let's dispose of them. Use a criteria like this: Is it BALANCED? Every child in grade school knows the "basic seven" which is a variety of foods available to us. If a person recommends to you an UNBALANCED diet like, say, all meat, or say, all carbohydrates, you know that ain't kosher. Or something wierd that is guaranteed to lose weight, like hot dogs, pickles and ice cream (I heard Oprah mention something like this on a talk show - one of the crazies she was on) and they get worse. If you hear of any diet that tells you to EAT FAT AND SUGAR then just know, automatically that it's bad. If they tell you to eat a lot of processed foods, like hot dogs, then you know it's bad. If they tell you to eat a ton of milk products, it is also bad, because it isn't balanced. I'm one of those people totally allergic to milk. Yogurt, buttermilk, cheese I can take, but milk makes me look nine months pregnant from one glass. Even ice cream makes me bloat. And mashed potatoes made with milk - which I inadvertedly eat in a restaurant - makes me feel like I have lead in my stomach. This diet of which I speak is for health as well as losing weight. Some may differ in my opinions of meat, but OK, we all have our opinions. If you live in Siberia and can't get to a store, meat is good. If you live in Alaska and it's hard to get freshies, meat may be good. But Eskimos have a life expectancy of 40 years to our 72 years. Meat could be a part of that. Not getting to a hospital also. Bear in mind that MEAT IS CHOLESTEROL AND CHOLESTEROL CLOGS THE ARTERIES.




As I just said, there are some good points to meat. If you can't get anything else, you have to eat it. You eat meat for survival. But if you have a choice, there are better things to get protein from. Lots of things have protein and you don't have to kill anyone to get it. Factory farming these days makes meat a risky business to eat. Too many growth hormones and chemicals on their feed are things that could be handed down to us. Then there's parasites. Meat has parasites that are transmitted to people. IF YOU CAN'T STOP EATING MEAT, TRY AND CUT DOWN ON HOW OFTEN YOU CONSUME IT. I'D SAY ONCE A WEEK IS BETTER. IF YOU MUST HAVE MEAT, BOIL IT AND BOIL IT WELL TO GET AS MUCH TOXINS (IF ANY)OUT OF IT, AND AS MUCH CHOLESTEROL AS POSSIBLE OUT OF IT. Boil it for a while in water, then change the water. That way, you get even more fat off.


Going to a diner

When you are away from home for a long time and have nothing with you from home to eat - you will have to survive from a store or a restaurant. Let's talk diet survival here. What would I eat at diner?

I used to order - before this diet - a spinach pie which came with a salad. The only bad thing here was I put dressing on the salad. But can you eat salad without dressing? I have never tried lettuce without dressing except when I was a child. We had a small farm in New Jersey. I would go out to the lettuce patch and eat raw lettuce and found it utterly delicious. But in a restaurant or home, it's not as good. I would pass on the dressing-less salad and just have one or two pieces of bread with the spinach pie, no butter or margarine. Ask for rye or wheat bread. Drink a large glass of water or even two, and it should fill you up. Remember - you will get to eat within a short time. You can have a small snack soon. (I call a snack of 100 to 200 calories and a meal 400 or more calories.) Don't panic! Take one of the pieces of bread with you, wrap it in napkin, and if you are hungry two hours later, eat it for your snack. No butter or margarine!

Potatoes: Everyone has potatoes, but they are usually home fries or french fries. But many diners and fast-food places have BAKED potatoes. There's your ticket! A baked potatoe with nothing on it but maybe a little salt or no-salt (I used to carry it with me) will hit the spot. I used to order, on the side, cole slaw and cottage cheese. This time, skip the cole slaw because of the dressing and take the cottage cheese. This is an acceptable meal: Baked potatoe, plain, cottage cheese and a piece of bread, plain. (Muffins like bran muffins are good except they have too much sugar, so skip stuff like that.) The cottage cheese will be full fat instead of low fat, so it's not as good as you have at home, but it will have to do.




Before this diet I went to Wendy's. I ordered a baked potatoe and french fries. The potatoe had a cheese sauce. Today I would fix it by having the potatoe plain, and no fries. They had no fish. The fish would be not so bad, but not perfect, because it's breaded and probably fried. This is all they had at Wendy's that would be OK for our diet - just the potatoe and water. (I would not eat meat at any fast-food place because of the fat) If you are super hungry you'll have to get two potatoes. It's a lot of money, because they will charge you the same as if they put on the cheese or whatever else they put on. If it's just plain broccoli or chives (which I believe they had) that would be alright also.

Pizza Parlors: If I went to a pizza place, I would only have ONE piece because of the cheese. (We can eat it in small amounts..the fat content is what we want to avoid) I would have all the vegetable toppings put on it: brocolli, onions, green peppers, tomatoes, mushrooms or whatever they have. Some places put a beautiful huge amount of goodies on top, but others have spindly little bits and they are overcooked. Take what you can get, but just a small amount. I personally never get meat toppings. It's one of the pet peeves of Dr. Schulze - he rants and raves about people who are ill ordering pepperoni pizza instead of juicing for health. Drink a large glass of water, never soda or even juice because of the sugar content and chemicals.

Subway: When I go to Subway I get a great sandwich. A veggie-burger with all veggie toppings, no dressing of any kind. This hits the spot. Big glass of water and you have it made. I used to get the 12" but no more! The 6" fills one up adequately. They always ask if you want cheese. Sometimes I skip it, sometimes I say, "just one piece." The one piece is but a triangle, half of one full slice.

As far as seafood salads and tuna, it sounds good, but they are full of mayonnaise and similar stuff. In an emergency, if nothing else is available, OK. But this is not for every day. Subway prides itself on its health consciousness, and they have a booklet that gives you all the information on their nutrition grades and calories. Check out this booklet. They have added salads and "wraps" (wrapped in large tortillas) that sound excellent, if you get right what's inside the wrap. You know me - no meat. But they have stuff which is tuna or seafood mixed with greens and other things that sounds pretty good.

Other things to eat in diners and restaurants are BROILED FISH. Many people don't like fish because they're not used to it. I never liked it that much. But when I learned it was good for you and low calorie, I forced myself to like it. Now I LOVE it. I know fish is an animal and it has feelings and it hurts, so I am not perfect. Far, far from it. I respect vegans like Dr. Schulze, but I am not quite ready for that kind of perfection. Maybe some day.

So have BROILED (never fried) fish, a potatoe or rice on the side, vegetables and bread with no butter or dressing on anything. That's a HUGE meal on our diet - and be aware that it will take a large chunk out of our calorie allowance. I estimate this to be about 800 calories. Naturally, if you can, leave off a part of this so the meal will be less calories.

About tuna salad and seafood salad sandwiches. These sound good (in a restaurant), but remember, the dressing is fat. How can you remove it? You can't. In an emergency, you might eat it and hope for the best. The dressing alone will kill 200 calories in your precious allowance. But if this is your worst sin, OK, you'll live. Get rye bread or wheat instead of white.

TUNA AT HOME: Get the tuna not in oil but water. Wash off all the salt! Right now I have about 40 cans of tuna in the house in oil, that I bought before I started this diet. I take the oil off carefully, and put it in cat and dog food. Then I wash it. To make salad the best things I can think of are lowfat (or no fat) cottage cheese or yogurt, mixed in with the tuna. Or else, you can just eat it plain. You'll live.




Before I started this diet, I usually went without eating till I was starving. Then I'd think how pleasurable it would be to eat, and how great a meal I'd make. I'd be dissapointed if my food didn't taste so good. The devil must have been at my side whispering all the time. Don't look at food as pleasure. That will trip you up. Look at it as something YOU MUST DO. Look at it scientifically. The PLEASURE you will get is when you step on the scale, and every week, you are one or two pounds down, without fail! Before, when I used fat and sugar, I was in a kind of desperate place. I wasn't eating lots, but yet, I could not lose the weight. As I said IT WAS THE FOOD DEMON! I know it sounds like a joke, but it isn't. I take Holy Water and do the exorcism daily, and I ask you to do the same. There are probably numerous people out there in desperation because the food demon is preventing them from losing weight.

An amazing thing also happened on this diet. You would think that this "tasteless" diet would be depressing. But it tastes JUST AS GOOD OR BETTER than when I was eating fat and sugar. I no longer, also, feel any guilt. Guilt is a horrible feeling. I no longer feel despair. The devil wants you to feel despair! I had these kind of thoughts, coming from him:

"It's too late. You can never lose weight again. You're too old. Your metabolism doesn't work. Your thyroid doesn't work. Give up and ACCEPT YOURSELF AS YOU ARE."

And here's the biggest lie he said,


Have you ever had these thoughts? They came from Satan!

I looked around me, and there were thin people. I used to be thin. It wasn't logical, but then Satan uses hypnotic, illogical suggestions that make us believe what isn't true. You have to remove him by EXORCISM because exorcism is the POWER OF GOD and he cannot resist it!

I once went to a weight-loss group in our Church. Most of the women were bigger than me. I just went because I wanted fellowship. I knew it wouldn't do me any good. I recall this one lady, about 250 pounds, talking about food. It was POTATOE CHIPS. She said she'd go ape if anyone crushed her potatoe chips as she collected them off the store counter. There you go. Naughty snacks. This kind of processed food makes you fat. Most peope who are fat are fat because of food. Don't give me that demonic crap about metabolism and thyroid. I've been there!

I knew a fat lady at work who sent us out to get donations for a fund raiser. I brought back a two-pound box of cherry chocolates. She opened it and ATE ALL OF IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! Then she gave me a speech about how she never ate much - she only ate after dinner time. She forgot to tell me she ate snacks, like two pounds of cherry chocolates, and at dinner and thereafter, she must have consumed a lot more than 2,000 calories. Her weight was over 300.

I knew a fat young lady and her boyfriend. We were working together in my apartment when we decided to order Chinese food. They ordered the gooyest worst stuff: egg rolls, fried pork and fried rice! They earned every bit of fat on them!

People lie to themselves. I had a friend who for ten years told me he ate only ONE MEAL A DAY. One day it slipped, that he always had a DANISH with his coffee in the morning! I said to him, like, isn't that a meal? He said THAT DIDN'T COUNT! Didn't count? How much does a Danish have in it? About 500 or 600 calories!

Don't lie to yourself! Right now, take account of all the fat and sugar you eat, that is extra besides what is in the food. This is what I want you to give up immediately -






(Many things have a tiny bit of sugar, look on the labels to make sure it is very tiny)

ABOUT PASTA: This has always been one of my favorite foods. I have not yet eaten it since I started the diet. When I do make it, I will have it with spices and vegetables, no oil or butter. I don't like tomatoe sauce but I will cut up fresh tomatoes, cucumbers and the like, or cooked brocolli and see how it tastes. As I said, the joy is ON THE SCALE, NOT ON THE PLATE! But the plate isn't bad, either. It took me ONE DAY to start loving the food in this diet!




So you think you need table salt? There's a lot of things you THINK you need and you are so conditioned that you keep needing them. Uncondition yourself! Try it without salt, and see what happens. Always have No-salt (potassium) on hand. Remember, salt retains water, potassium helps you flush it out. Do you want to be BLOATED or do you want to smile when you step on the scale? Decide which pleasure you want - the pleasure of indulging yourself at the table, or the pleasure of looking in the mirror and seeing the real you emerging from the fat.

When I first started this diet I experimented. Instead of oil I started using pickle juice for broiling fish and veggie-burgers. I also would eat a couple pickles with some meals, because they have few calories. Then I read the salt content: too much! No more pickle juice and no more pickles, I said. Broiling the items mentioned in plain water did not in any way diminish their taste. In fact, the veggie burgers tasted MUCH BETTER. They were way too salty in pickle juice. As far as fish, get a bottle of lemon juice at the fish area (or fresh lemons) and use the juice for garnish.




I do not eat shrimp and other shellfish. I heard they have the wrong kind of fat in them. Howard Lymon, who got me to go vegetarian (again) said deep sea fish is the safest. I agree with him, but I might sneak in a trout once in a while at the diner.




It is AMAZING how ADDICTED we are toward food. Even when we know what is good or bad, our addictions prevent us from doing right. I know the power of addiction, because I am addicted to Christmas food (in a milder way, any Holiday food, especially Easter.) Christmas reminds me of family feasts, which were formidable and very special. There is no food available in this country that matches the Lithuanian delicacies my Mom and relatives made. On ordinary days, our Lithuanian fare is NOTHING like what Americans eat today. It is simple and really abstemious compared to what we eat here. But on Holidays, we make up for it, especially Christmas and Easter. There were dishes that were NEVER made, except for these holidays. What treats! After many years of delight and pleasure, I did not understand how addicted I was. I had been away from family since the age of sixteen. As a grown woman I had gotten into remarkable shape and was as thin as I could be. Then I got involved with my local Lithuanian Church, and went to their Christmas supper with my daughter and a friend. They had all the food my Mom and relatives used to make! As I said, I was super-thin and my stomach had shrunken down, but I COULD NOT STOP EATING! I ate, and ate, and ate. I could hardly walk the five blocks home - my daughter and friend had to hold my arms as we walked. When I got home I vomited for hours. That's addiction!

In my mind, there was and still is, to some degree, a connection between this food and happiness. The feelings of anticipation, delight and joy not only in the eating of the food, but the sharing with friends and relatives, and with the emotional warmth and comaraderie, created powerful desires to repeat, repeat and repeat these experiences. But they were no more. No more family, no more food. My parents had divorced, then died. The other relatives were not close to me, and in fact, never invited me for Christmas. Even if they had - only one of my living relatives knew how to cook that way, and she hadn't spoken to me for years! (Her wish, not mine) It was like "Gone With The Wind," but the addiction was still there. This upcoming Thanksgiving and Christmas will be my first experiences on this, the best diet I've ever been on. I will share the results with you.

I think I've already beaten the Thanksgiving demon. First, I decided not to mourn but accept the fact I'd be alone. Then what? I have four dogs and usually cook tons of meat for them for Holidays. I prayed on this and God told me basically, that I was doing this for my pleasure; that they had no idea what day it was and the food I gave them daily was excellent. So why bother? I agreed. Now what? How could I prevent myself from feeling emotionally undernourished? I thought I'd go to the little local market and follow inspiration. I looked at the turkeys and other meats, and thought how awful it would be to wreck my newfound diet. I was just about to give up on the meat entirely, when passing by the deli section, noticed they had some small packs of turkey breast, sliced. One pack cost a little over a dollar. That was it. My Thanksgiving dinner would be a turkey sandwich. I got some nice rye bread.




It's all in my perception. I will be perfectly satisfied with this: Two slices of rye bread, one half with a little bit of cream cheese, and a slice of turkey inside. This will stay within 400-500 calories. I figured the sane way to celebrate is just eat the treats - but in quantities so small that I do not destroy my precious diet. I may have another slice of turkey with a second meal, but that will be it. The rest of the pack will go to the dogs. For dessert I have lots of things right here, but I will not overdo it. It will be perhaps one very thin slice of fruitcake that my relative (the one who didn't talk to me) sent me. Or it might be two cookies. If I do not feel overwhelmed by desire, I will skip the dessert.




You know you cannot eat sugar. Your doctor has told you that, books have told you that. My late husband had a problem with desserts and I would feel so sorry for him sometimes I would not put my foot down. But oh, did he pay for it. After a dessert or even pasta, he'd be sick for hours...so those who have diabetes, please eat fruit only and desserts that are made with fructose. I do not recommend any other kinds of sweeteners because many of them have been proven harmful, so I just stay away from all artificial sweeteners.




As explained in my first article, "Killing the Food Demon," I got rid of this creature by exorcism. He appeared to me three times after the exorcisms. Once, as a fat friendly lady, weighing 300 pounds. It was a demon pretending to be nice, acting like she was looking out for my better interests. This demon was saying things like it wasn't my fault I was overweight. (How many fat people say that?) By saying this, she was mentally tying my hands (when I believed this lie) because if it was not my fault, then I couldn't do anything about it. Therefore, I had to remain fat and like it.

There is an argument about chemicals in the food. This is why, on our diet, we stay away from processed foods. Preservatives you don't need. Food dyes you don't need. MSG or whatever else name it's under these days, you don't need. Things that "make it stay fresh" and "make it stay firm" you don't need. "Artificial" anything you don't need. You also don't need the extra added sugars, fats and salt most processed foods have.

But there are things even more scary going on. On late-night TV I heard a food "whistle blower" saying they are actually putting chemicals in food that made you addicted and fat! Especially in diet foods, believe it or not! The food industry is there not to make us healthy, but to make money. I would add that goes for restaurants, too. Therefore, you might be a victim of some of these chemicals if you eat a lot of processed foods and I would add to that, if you eat a lot of meat. (Howard Lymon says that meat is the main cause of dementia, which we know as Alzeimer's.) To restate the fact: Part of your fatness could have come from chemicals.

Solution: On our diet we limit the intake of anything processed. Case closed. We make homemade soups and we do not snack on processed foods, but wholesome fruits, nuts and a piece of bread.....




The second time the "fat demon" appeared to me in a dream he was more scary. I was standing by the side of the road, minding my own business, when, outside my vision, this man came up to me. He put his hand out to touch me. I only saw him when, by a force supernatural, he was hurled away from me and thrust under a large truck which was part of a convoy of trucks. As he lay under that truck, he was helpless and could not move, and he cursed at me vilolently. I knew that the convoy of trucks would run over him and kill him! As I stared at him, I saw his legs. They were huge hamhocks, the way you see at the meat counter, and they had burst from the fat, and blood was gushing out! THIS IS WHAT THE DEMON INTENDED FOR ME!

At my worst point under the thralldom of "fat demon" - a few years ago - I had gotten up to 220 pounds! It took every ounce of my self-discipline to just get down to 180 again! I was also drinking alcohol daily, which obviously adds calories. I was so depressed, it was a cycle: Feel depressed, eat and drink more. Look in the mirror, horrified, get more depressed, eat and drink more. Some people CAN'T eat when they're depressed! I wish that was me - because I would have been skinny many times! I go the opposite: Depressed, you gotta eat and drink!




My secret weapon of increased well being and relaxation now is St. John's Wort. It works for me! If I am anxious enough to start yelling at everyone around me, St. John's Wort calms me down. I've always had INSOMNIA unless I'm real exhausted, so before bed, I take three St. John's Wort, and I fall asleep peacefully. There is nothing wrong with herbs. God made the herbs for our health. There is something wrong with drugs. Herbs are not drugs. Check the teachings of Dr. Richard Schulze, HerbDoc, for an understanding of herbs. If I had known about St. John's Wort when I was drinking more, it would have cut down my drinking. Truly, it is better to have a few St. John's Wort than alcohol every night. I still have beer occasionally, but I am not anxious without it. When I do drink it I make sure it is not more than my 2,000 calorie allowance for the day.....(In case you are wondering, when I used to hang out with my fiance Richard, on our long engagement of fourteen years, I liked to have whiskey sours. When I think of all the sugar in that, plus the alcohol, a few of these would take up most of our calorie allowance! No wonder I couldn't get skinny! Then I got to liking wine, but I liked it so much, I decided it was dangerous for me to have wine in the house. I switched to beer, and beer is rather repulsive in taste, but it relaxes me without my getting too inebriated too fast. I indulge, of course, in the "lite" brand. I know no human being can be perfect in body, and I certainly am not, although in my soul I am perfect in my love of God. One of my imperfections is the beer. What am I worried about? Jesus and the disciples drank wine daily! I imagine, by the same token, the Holy Women, including Mary, did likewise. So why feel guilty?)




Here's a shopping list of what I am buying now. Obviously, when I get tired of this group of foods I'll be switching to other things, but always low sugar, low fat.


MELON: (I'm eating one half a day. Papaya would be similar, and you could eat a whole one. Both of these are helpful to digestion. You heard of "papaya enzyme" no doubt.)


GREEN PEPPER: A few fresh ones each week, eaten daily, deodorizes the feces.


BANANAS: Right now I'm consuming about four a day or even more for snacks.


NOFAT OR LOWFAT YOGURT: This is to mix with tuna or even use instead of water for broiling fish or vegetables, or to eat with fruit. (by careful about additives like sweeteners. No artificial sweeteners.)


NO FAT OR LOWFAT COTTAGE CHEESE: Excellent snack or to mix with tuna.


LITE TOFUTTI: Put small amounts on good bread.


LOWFAT CREAM CHEESE: Put small amounts on good bread.


NUTS: If you can find nuts that are dry roasted and unsalted, that is best. Second best is dry roasted but salted. You will eat nuts for snacks, but always in small amounts, as they are almost all oil. The oil is good for you, but like all oils, as you know, quite fattening. Don't become a healthy fat person. Blanched almonds are great. Walnuts, sunflower seeds, whatever. I suspect some nuts have saturated fat, (which is bad) but cannot recall which ones. Are they Brazil nuts and Macadamia nuts? Please look on labels before you buy.


LOWFAT TOFU: Excellent snack or part of a meal. Only 140 calories! Men, don't be afraid to look like sissies. You want to be trim or do you want to be a potbellied he-man? Eat stuff that embarrasses you in secret, but eat it!


GOOD BREAD: One of the main things is, does it have a lot of sugar? There's a brand of bakery bread I buy that says "organic" and they use flaxseed, sunflower seeds and bran in some loaves and don't seem to have much sugar. Take rye and wheat above white.


VEGETABLES: Any you like. Right now I'm buying cucumbers and tomatoes for sandwiches.


ONIONS AND GARLIC: These are your best friends! When I told a man what I was eating in plague tonic, he said, "Nobody better kiss you."

I said, "You can kiss me anywhere but on the lips."

These kissing cousins of the food species are germ killers and blood thinners. Get to like them. I make my plague tonic concoction and need not eat them aside from that, but I do anyway.


FISH: Right now I get bags of Mahi-Mahi, which have the individual portions inside the bag wrapped up. This is convenient, as you take a couple, put them in warm water, and a short time later they are ready for broiling. They only average 100 calories per piece, which is remarkable food!


FRUITS: Get any kind of fruit and have as much as you like (within reason.) As far as avocadoes, if you do not eat any other kind of fat, or if you are a vegetarian, I don't think you'll gain weight from them. Many years ago I was a fruitarian and ate 3 or 4 a day, believe it or not, and never gained one once. It was the thinnest I've ever been in my life!


GRAINS: I always have a lot of grains on hand for soup. Each bag of grain usually has recipes for things besides soup. You could try some of that, although I have yet to do so. My favorite grains are garbanzo beans, (humus is good!) split peas (super soup!) and I love barley in soup as Mom used to use it a lot.


SANDWICHES: Recently, I've been eating the plainest sandwiches of my life.


CUCUMBER SANDWICH: Two pieces of bread, half a cucumber sliced inside, no dressing except - DA DA - I have found a perfect dressing, healthy and no calories:

HORSERADISH! I found ground horseradish in the fish section. It says it contains corn syrup and oil, but these must be minute amounts, because it claims no calories, so it's sounds good. Horseradish is extremely healthy according to HerbDoc Shulze, like garlic, so go for it. It made my sandwich taste good yesterday.


TOMATOE SANDWICH: Same as cucumber!


GREEN PEPPER: I eat at least half of one a day, just cut it and chew it for a snack. I never thought I could do that, but it is delicious and easy to eat. This deodorizes the feces. Half helps a lot, a full pepper guarantees it.



I discovered this just by accident. Take a lot (like a cup) of split peas and half or less than half a cup of barley (optional) and boil till they get good and soft (about 45 minutes.) Meanwhile, have peeled and chopped the following: a few onions, carrots, and potatoes (optional.) Here's the surprize ingredient: APPLES. Take a couple of apples, slice in four pieces and add to the roots. Don't put too many as if you do, it'll taste too much like fruit juice. Boil the roots and apples separately, and when all is done, you add them together. (The roots will take longer than the apples. Start slow boiling them first, then add apples after fifteen minutes.) Since most of the ingredients in this are sweet, I call this sweet soup. To make it really hearty, for the last five to ten minutes, add something called TVP or textured vegetable protein. This TVP (from health food store) I put into soup has fooled my meat-loving friends, because once it's in soup, it does taste like meat. It comes in granules or chunks. The granules take five minutes, the chunks, at least ten or more. It is one of the best ingredients for soup I've ever found! Bear in mind that you can add various healthy ground grains into soup to thicken in. For instance: cornmeal, almond meal flour, ground wheat, flaxseed meal, etc. You find a great variety of stuff like this in health food stores and some grocery stores.




A lot of people will find my claim that there are demons of food and fat to be amusing. They might say,

"Why would the devil care about your weight? He is the tempter who wants you to sin. Eating is not a sin, even if you are overweight. Why should he waste his time getting you fat when there are much more wicked things he could do?"

The answers are multiple. Here they are:




Discouragement is the devil's wedge. If he can discourage you he can slow you down; he can dishearten, dissapoint and depress you. You're not as cheerful as you used to be, not as peppy, not as full of life. You might not be the life of the party any more, and look at things in a sallow manner.




Despair is a big word, a frightening word. In despair people can die and go to Hell. I am not using the word in that extreme sense, but in a sense that you despair of ever losing weight or give up complete hope and subsequently you feel you have lost the battle of the bulge. You get mad at yourself. You feel weak and helpless rather than confident.




If you are forever fat, you lose your self confidence and at least some of your self respect. You wonder why you can't get thin, like other people can. I'm not talking anorexic, I'm talking the weight YOU want to be, that you feel good at. For me, it's 150. I wasn't happy at 160, or 170, or anything thereafter. I was happy at 150 or less, and nothing else. But I couldn't reach it any more. If a person tries for years to lose weight and can't, EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE NOT EATING BAD FOOD, SUSPECT A DEMON. If a person IS eating bad food, but can't quit, there could be demonic influence. People have no idea how "strong," how devious, and how persistent demons are. Their entire existence is spent in trying to trip up the human race. They target the good, because they already have the wicked sewn up. If you are a good person, if you are holy, you will be attacked MORE than anyone, not less than anyone. These creatures are totally committed to evil, and anything that will depress you, hold you down, discourage you, weigh you down, is what they like. They are not fair. If they have tried to make you sin but can't they look for other loopholes or tricks to make you miserable. In my case, this was the weight.




For me, being fat meant the end of being beautiful, the end of being admired or looked upon as a work of art. I once had one of the most beautiful bodies in the world. Women as well as men admired my body. This gave me consolation as even if all else went wrong, at least people admired my body. It was something to be proud of. I lifted weights all my life. Everywhere I went people asked me how I got my body. Fat ended it all. I was just a nobody - as far as that was concerned. What would happen when I went on a speaking tour? When I went on television again? They'd think I was finished, over the hill, gone to pot, out to pasture. No more ooh's and aah's as I entered the limelight.

Looking at me, I thought, people would think I had no self discipline, or I was dumb and didn't know how to diet. But I was neither one. I have always had mountains of self discipline; it just didn't work in one arena. And knowledge? Indeed, I knew the answers, but for some reason, I could not fulfill the things I knew.

It made me want to hide. If I felt good about my appearence, I wanted to go into the limelight and work. I wanted to take center stage a happy person, not a downcast one trying to hide her fat. Here I was trying to figure what outfits would hide my weight. But they always know. You cover yourself with a mumu and they can see your face and your legs, that you are fat. My face lost its beauty - could I cover that with a mask? Some people are still beautiful when fat, but for me, it ruined it. I no longer bothered to wear makeup or nice clothes, just baggy stuff. No one looked at me. I do admit that when I fixed up, at any weight, I still looked good and men bothered me. But I was not happy with myself and did not fix up any more.

I began to think things like this,

"Maybe it's a good thing. Less vanity. Concentrate on Truth, not looks. It's time to be Mz Matron. After all, Mother Teresa didn't worry about her looks. The Saints didn't worry about their looks....."

This was the talk of one who had given up. Is this what God wanted? I truly believe that God allowed Satan to hold me down all these years to teach me something and to pass it on to the innocent don't knows. After all, how many people have discovered it could be Satan keeping you fat? I've never heard anyone say this, but it is true. Perhaps God allowed the devil to torture me this way so I could help others. For me, this is just as releasing and exhilarating as if I have been in jail for twelve years, and have just gotten out. Don't you know that liking yourself and loving yourself is one of the most valuable things you can have? What can you accomplish when you are mad at yourself, don't like or love yourself? You would draw evil upon yourself. Like yourself and you can conquer all. Muktananda said who cares if nobody likes you? The only person who must like you is yourself!




Think of the things you could do easily once that are difficult when you are fat. How about a fat person climbing a mountain? Or just walking uphill? Does your heart take a strain? What about dancing? Was it easy to dance when you were thin, but even 20, 30, 40 pounds overweight is much harder? And how do fat people look on the dance floor? Do they look good, or like blimps and hippos bopping around? That's how the devil wants you to look. If you are fat, can you do as much physical work as you used to, or is it a strain to carry that heavy load on your body? Think of this: your heart is an organ, a muscle. That muscle has to work harder to carry the extra weight and pump blood through your system. Even 20 pounds extra weight is 20 pounds more for your heart to carry. The devil wants to wear you out, to make you tired. Then you feel like you don't have what it takes and you can accomplish less. I can think of NO REASON WHY BEING OVERWEIGHT COULD BENEFIT YOU BUT ONE: If a guy is hiding under your bed to rape you, and the bed collapses, you can sit on the bed, call the cops, and wait till they get there. The guy won't be able to get out from under the bed with you on top......

I meditated on why God would permit the devil to torture me for thirteen years with this inability to lose weight. Suffering, when it ends, brings you to a higher level. It gains you geat merit. In this world we can never be perfectly happy all the time and in every way. Life is like lifting weights. There has to be resistance to make you stronger. You push against the weight to make it move and you develop your muscles. In life, you struggle against adversity and it makes a strong soul.

Now remember our rules: Daily exorcism (see first article) and frequent small meals with no added fat or sugar of any type.



Rasa Von Werder
November 24, 2004


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