In the last few months I've witnessed two poor souls grieving over lost human love. The two young men have been through grief, depression, anxiety, rejection and the whole gamut of negative human emotions. As I watched their sorrows I thought of my own, in the long past and short. I recalled the numerous romances which crushed me to the dust, gave me all the frustrations of Hell, and more recently, the longing for human love, friendship and family.
As I ponder these tortures I also bask in my newfound freedom. I AM FREE! But will it do any good to tell anyone? Will they listen? The boys just look at me and say stuff like,
"I KNOW ALL THIS,"
To which I answer,
"YOU KNOW ALL THIS, BUT CAN YOU DO IT?"
In the knowing we know so much. We look at others and see objectively - oh, the foolishness of their ways! Oh, why don't they let go! Oh, can't they see it isn't worth it!....Someone better will come along....It isn't the end of the world....Why let someone affect you so much!"
Yet when the same thing happens to us personally, we go through the same agonies.
What is this thing called "love?" Love is a hunger. It is a hunger and thirst to be filled up with good. We long to be loved, accepted, desired and needed. And we don't want it just from anyone. We don't want the "bums" and the "dregs" and the "uglies." We want the beautiful, the intelligent and talented and wise and witty and glamorous and healthy and strong and even RICH! We want a lot! Why do we want so much? Why can't we take anyone who will have us? Why can't we settle with the little we have? Why can't we be alone?
The love hunger is so deep, so cavernous that is seems our whole life is snuffed out when someone we desire gives us the slip. And we never see this objectively, from afar, the way God and prophets see it. We see it as the worm on the ground, groveling through the dirt, finding its solace in it.
The prophet on the higher branch sees it properly. She says,
"Can't you see that as long as you taste of the fruit, you will get bitter fruit? You keep reaching out and you get one sweet, but then bitter, and bitter three times, and then finally, one sweet again, but then bitter again and again. Stop tasting the fruit. Sit on the higher bough in serenity and peace."
Earthlings will have none of that. They look at the prophet impatiently and say,
'THAT'S NOT LIFE! THAT'S STAGNATION! I'M HUMAN! I DESERVE TO LIVE! I DESERVE TO TASTE THE FRUITS OF THIS LIFE!"
You look at the mortal and weep, because you know, that people take many lifetimes to reach the higher bough. You - the prophet - are there. But how many lifetimes did your soul traverse? Can anyone and everyone reach this state of the higher bough? You don't know. But you try to help. Surely, even reaching a slightly higher bough may help.
The GREAT HUNGER that we have for love can be satisfied by only one person - GOD. And when we love God completely and totally we also inherit another person - ourselves - who also loves us unconditionally and completely. These two persons, God and ourselves, are truly the only ones that can satisfy us and fulfill us completely. But how is this done?
It is done by the equations of the first three parts of 'SO YOU WANT TO SEE GOD FACE TO FACE.' The question you are thinking is,
"Does that mean it's all over? Life is over? No more love from people? Doesn't life become sterile and meaningless?"
No to all of the above. IT IS WHEN YOUR LIFE BEGINS. You saw how. You might not understand it unless you experience it, but I will try to explain.
When you have renounced all for God does not mean that everything of the earth leaves you. It does not mean you have no more love or family. It simply means you get loosed or freed up from the ANXIETY and the BURNING YEARNING for it. And if you say you don't have the burning yearning for it, you are in denial. Let me tell you something.
Most (not all) people live in a nest;
nest of family they were born into or nest they created, or both. Take away the nest and you have all the negatives. You have separation anxiety, depression, frustration and torment, and even rage, hate and bitterness. People kill for the lack of love, because they HATE THEMSELVES.
If you live in a nest and claim you'd be fine outside of it - but you have not ascended to the higher branch - then you are in denial. You are fooling yourself and can't face the truth. The truth is you'd fall apart inside if you left the nest.
Those who have experienced what I speak of and are humble enough to face reality will admit to this. You need to be anchored to something or someone, and if you are not, you feel like a sailboat drifting in the middle of the ocean. That is why you need God and Yourself. But what is God and Yourself? When you find this mystery and leave behind flesh, what do you actually have?
As I said, the love of people (if you can call it love, it's a sad imitation thereof,) does not leave you. This pitiful, dreadful little masquerade people play is still with you. If they ever wanted you, they still do. The paltry reasons they wanted you are still there. They need you for one thing or another. The only thing that has changed is YOU DON'T NEED THEM. You can live without them, you are happy and secure without them...you are FREE!
What do you have? After you have renounced the love of family and people, and all the things of the world, you see another picture. It's like you're on the roof looking down and you do not send "help" messages to others. You hold the hand of God and God has Her arm around you. You are a fish swimming in the Infinite Ocean of Bliss. Yes, you get interrupted from this once in a while, and get pulled down. But all things being considered, lest a great dark night falls upon you, you ARE that fish and you will remain in the Ocean surrounded by It, drinking It in and being nourished by It. It's Heaven. It's Nirvana! It's Peace. It's Serenity.
Seeing Reality is not for everyone. They want to wallow in their dirt, it seems. They will kick and scream and berate you about this.
"Who wants to be like that,?"
OK. So stay there. Stay in your agony.
But for those who listen, even when they are very young, they take the first steps of liberty. They begin to say the prayers of deliverance which I have outlined, and someday, they will be free.
Rasa Von Werder
September 16, 2004