Black & White Primavera
Giacomo Balla





You speak words of wisdom and truth, and yes, that is the only way to have a little joy in this world. To be alone, totally alone for years and have not one spiritual soul to confide in, to be misunderstood, reviled, treated in a way that is not deserving, to be scapegoated, to be crucified, has been my lot.


Some thoughts of mine about Contemplation, Nonduality, and Action.


But Swami G has taught me to stop suffering in spite of all that happens to me and that is why she is my Satguru. It was time to get off the cross and to let go. I found it hard because Jesus taught redemptive sufferings, but he got off the cross at his death and He resurrected, and so, we souls who obey him must sooner or later get off the cross (many Christians never did and held on to their death, even Padre Pio who died at 82, suffered horrible dark nights of the soul most of the time, his voluntary choice.)


Swami G to me was preaching yoga, and I felt yoga did not understand suffering. Finally I realized it was the RESURRECTION POWER OF JESUS CHRIST. That is no different than Nirvana - and so, I tried it and it worked.


I am now at odds with Swami G and had a little torment as she wants me to give up all nonduality, (here is a typo. Rasa meant 'she wants me to give up duality) including the War with Sarlo! But I suspect Swami G does not know ME. She knows what it is like inside her skin, her head, but is she well versed about mine? (Look at the length of my life, longer than Swami G's, and you will see there is a pattern of spiritual work rising up above unusual wordly activities and making use of them!) Perhaps she does not think it is important to dwell upon my life and mission, but if she did, I think she could see that God is taking me by a difficult, unusual, but fruitful path!


There are not many like me who can do what I do, - so few could handle it, accept it, live with it. It is just too hard. But I can do it, and I am doing it.


Swami G is like a professor or a PHD in spirituality - (much more than that) - and she sees from her office that I and all should be in a state of nonduality. I have been thinking deeply about that now for days, since she reprimanded me out about the 'War' thing. I came to this conclusion:


The state of NONDUALITY is the state of what Christians call the CONTEMPLATIVE life. What is contemplation? It is when discursive meditation ends, and the flow or pouring out of God 's grace begins, simply filling on up. One need not work or think or make any effort at all, grace fills the person with Truth, Revelation, and Peace. What a wonderful state to be in!


However, are all souls to be there all the time, even the saints?


I trust not. Why? Because this state of Peace, absolute Peace, has no AMBITION. I know from the times I have been in deep SAMADHI (various degrees of spiritual trance that for me lasted months) I had NO AMBITION FOR ANYTHING EARTHLY, NOT EVEN THE DESIRE TO PREACH OR MINISTER. From what Swami G tells me, this is the state she is in. That may be OK for her but not for me! My mission requires intense spiritual force and zeal to get through IRON DOORS OF RESISTANCE!


Where a contemplative is without a doubt is a place of being 'above it all' in the highest reaches, and everything flows and happens. But this is not for everyone at all times, I trust - or else why did Jesus and many others WALK THE EARTH SEEKING DISCIPLES AND PROVOKED GREAT SUFFERING FOR HIMSELF AND DISCIPLES? Same as Jesus were Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr., and they also suffered Jesus' fate, as have all martyrs and many activists! And yet, should not this work be done? Should all saints become 'ENCLOSED' - NONDUAL - CONTEMPLATIVES?


The Christian life without a doubt, teaches that CONTEMPLATION IS THE BETTER PART. NONDUALITY is the better part! But, for those who MUST BE ACTIVE IT IS THE BETTER PART FOR THEM TO BE ACTIVE! You are called to contemplation, fine. But if you are called to action, you must be in the life of action, not in the life of the hermit! (So St. Thomas Aquinas has taught me!) (Now I am not saying Swami G is a hermit, but her life is more contemplative than active, as she does stay in the confines of a religious world. She does not go outside 'with pigs' and get dirty! She stays within a certain parameter, an enclosure, of religious spirituality, and her groups are special to spirituality, no other muck need apply. She monitors out anything that is impertinent or irrelevant. She wants no MIX and no MESS!)


But don't some people have to walk with sinners? With those who are down and dirty with sin, filthy with it, really stuck in lower planes? Who will go there? Not many. But I will! And I do not go as righteous reformer - as far as the sex world, I've been there and I am still partially by way of appearance , but I refrain from sin. That is the only difference. (Swami G said something about my being self righteous in the Sarlo War and I admit faults of mine could creep in and have crept in, but overall, I think I am clean.)


Now about who I am - the personality in this theater of life that I play. Am I saying that I want to be active and nothing else? No indeed, I am a HYBRID of ACTION and CONTEMPLATION. I have two sets of powerful faculties that are equally strong. (So God told me) What does this mean? Who was like that? The best example: St. Catherine of Sienna. (There have been over 300 books written about her!) She was a perfect contemplative, no slouching there, and she was great in action, full of zeal and power. How about St. Teresa of Avila, who started multiple 'discalced' Carmelite convents, reforming the entire Order? And they both had the INTERIOR DIVINE STIGMATA, which Rasa also has!


So I, Rasa, am both a contemplative and an active, a nondualist and dualist. I have to be a dualist because otherwise I could not get my work done!


When in deep Samadhi with Muktananda I said to him, God,


'This is great. No more going out into the world. I will stay here and do quiet work. The world is dangerous and it is for the lowlifes. I will stay here.'


That night I had a dream, and Muktananda, God, said to me:


'My work is not yet done. You must go back into the world. This samadhi will close and you will get all the benefits, but you must go into the world and reach out to others.'


This made me sad for a while. Indeed, it is sad to leave a type of Nirvana and go back into a place which Swami G calls 'suffering.' However, with the help of my Satguru Swami G, I have learned of the Sahaja state. In it, she says that she enjoys permanent, steady bliss and peace, but is still active. I think I have gained some sort of state like that, because I am not suffering, but I am not in deep samadhi bliss. Most of the time, I am happy and at peace. And I have the ability to reach the lowlifes! Thank God for that! And God does love sinners!


Thank you for posting regularly on this group, Celestial, your beautiful spiritual thoughts.



Infinite Love,

March 24, 2006






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