A NEW SADHANA
THE GREAT GURU OF BLISS,
NITYANANDA

I will give you a little taste of what I'm doing now, and then refer you to the yoga page to hear the rest. Recently you've heard me complain about what pain in the necks people have been to me. I needed release from this and felt that the ideal person for me to turn to is someone I know, (in Heaven) but have never done a "sadhana" with. He is the guru of Baba Muktananda, and Baba has spoken of him with the highest regard. I have never turned wholly to Nityananda as I felt in some way I'd be unfaithful to Muktananda. Silly. By turning to one of the Catholic saints does not mean we are being unfaithful to Jesus or Mary. I shored up my confidence by reminding myself of the times, in the last two years, when Nityananda appeared in dreams with Muktananda, Nityananda having a conflict or disagreement with Muktananda, because Muktananda wasn't helping me enough. It was my own fault. I misunderstood the directions of Muktananda and thought he told me to stay with Jesus, but that was not what he said. But I thought he had, so I had not prayed to him for years, nor honored him. Understandably, he wasn't helping me! But I was a lost Siddha, needing their help, in the area of yoga. Nityananda stepped in a few times when I was trying to make some audio tapes defending yoga against Catholics who were tearing it down. He also stepped in at other times. Remembering this, I thought,

"I need a new saint to come close to for this particular problem."

My problem is that I must stay in a place of peace and serenity while dealing with the public. I must stay aloof, with my mind on God, while dealing with people of the flesh and who are not fully evolved yet. The thing I recall most about Nityananda, as Muktananda described him, was that he was a saint, "always in a state of bliss." (Mind you, this does not mean one is in ecstasy all the time. It means that one is, most the the time, aloof and abstracted in the presence of God and nothing of the earth bothers them. Occasionally, Nityananda would get angry and "beat" one of the guys. It's not like you're drugged up and out of it. Things can make you mad. But most of the time, he was in his blissful "trancelike" state.) This was what I needed. Mind you, I have earned the right for such a state, but I have had trouble managing it.

NITYANANDA SADHANA
A YOGIC DISCIPLINE

Sadhana means no more than a certain kind of discipline, where you focus yourself on your particular saint or guru, until you have achieved your intended union with that guru. I have done such a sadhana with Muktananda, very successfully, in the year 2000. (See Muktananda section.)

On February 17th, after suffering for three days, I said, "this is it." I am going to Nityananda. It's not that I don't want to suffer. I am willing to take reparatory suffering any time, and I do. The kind of suffering I don't want is self imposed, the kind where I am in error. My mistake was that I was taking people too seriously and letting my flesh get involved with their problems, and thereby getting hurt. It's almost as if I was getting addicted to people, as low-minded as they are, and checking the e-mails 20 times a day just to see what more grief they'd give me!

I took two pictures of Nityananda out of Baba's books, and got a strong cardboard, which I bent in the middle so the cardboard would stand up. On the back I put blue paper and also, found a cloth border of roses to trim the top and bottom. I thought it looked pretty.

"Excuse me, Muktananda,"

I said as I moved his picture off center stage of my altar and placed Nityananda there, with a Christmas star (white) in front of it, lying flat. Muktananda did not seem to mind being put to the side as I concentrated on his great guru. Behind this picture I have a statue of Holy Mary, about two feet tall, dressed in white and blue, and on the wall behind Her, Our Lord on The Cross, also illuminated. On the table I have recently put pots of red tulips and yellow and white narcissus. It looks quite festive. There are other pictures around, also. I have a reminder of The Holy Spirit, and I have Saint Padre Pio when he was young, with his stigmatized hands folded in front of him. The house is full of pictures of Mary, crosses, a statue of Joan of Arc and others. I plan to go bigger in the new house when I move, with a whole prayer room and altars everywhere.

I only sat before him about ten minutes on the 17th. The 18th I sat about 15-20 minutes speaking to Nityananda. These are not long times for meditation, but I was working my way into it. This morning I was encouraged by a dream about a Hindu teaching Sanskrit to a Professor. The Professor could not pronounce the words, but I could. I told the Hindu that Sanskrit was pronounced exactly like Lithuanian, that's why I knew how to say it. I felt this was a hint that I was coming closer. I was bragging about Lithuanian, that it is even older than Sanskrit and has even more words, and this from a country that only has 3 1/2 million people. (I am not sure if these facts are true, but no one knows the absolute origin of either Lithuanian or Sanskrit. I am aware of the fact that a great river that flows through India also flows through Lithuania, the Yamunas River. There may be connections.)

Today I decided to sit longer before the picture. I had spent about 45 minutes meditating with Nityananda, telling him that my heart was as big as the Grand Canyon and even though I had installed many an Avatar and saint in it before, there was plenty of room for him. I welcomed him and reminded him of the bliss I needed him to anchor me in, and spoke of many things close to my heart.

I fell asleep for a just 2 or 3 minutes and had this dream: I saw two mountains and they were joined by a huge garland of flowers around the "shoulders" of each. These flowers were pale yellow in color. As I looked at the mountains I could see they were moving closer to one another, the valley between them becoming smaller, the earth sort of getting higher between them. Waking up I was totally unaware of what this was about. I knew it was about two people or two souls. But who?

The Soul as a Mountain: Different Souls see my interior in various ways...The soul as a mountain explained I recalled just a short hour before, I had told my webman about something my earthly Dad (in Heaven) had told me. I had heard Elvis' version of what my soul looks like, and I asked my Dad how he saw my soul. My Dad said,

"I see a blue mountain surrounded by yellow stars around it. Around the neck of the mountain is a red rosary and a red cross at the end of it. On the mountain are white bushes and green trees."

I discussed with my webman how this would be rendered artistically. I told him that the white bushes should be around the heart area, if the mountain is the torso. From the heart, there should be more white bushes downward to represent celibacy. The red cross should rest on top of some of the white bushes.

According the what Elvis saw, (see Pastor's letter of February 9, 2005) the yellow in my soul is the Gifts of the Holy Spirit, the Blue the Presence of God in my soul, the white celibacy or chastity, and the red streaks, the Divine Stigmata. I understood from the mind of Elvis, then, what the colors in my Dad's vision of my soul were. I also understood that the soul can be seen in many ways!

So when I had the dream of the two mountains, I instantly knew these were two people but who? Then the obvious came to me: Nityananda and me! What a great grace! We were both mountains (how amazing that I could be a great mountain like him!) and we were coming closer!

I then asked him what the pale yellow flowers were in the thick garland. He said,

"They are made of Lotus blossoms. The lotus is a symbol of having your feet, or body, on the ground, but your mind on God." (In that the Lotus has its roots in the mud, but lifts up out of the mud, above the water, and is clean and beautiful before the sun.)

This is PRECISELY what I was asking Nityananda for, and he was giving it to me! The sadhana is starting now, we are ultimately linked! The garland around both the mountains shows our union, and if that isn't enough, the two mountains are moving closer together! There was a feeling of love in this.

"Why the double symbols? It could have been a garland about each, separately. Why the garland, specifically, around both?"

Both is like a wedding. And it is also like being "yoked," as two oxen on a yoke. You and Nityananda are evenly yoked, both having your heads in God and your bodies on the ground.
(Although Nityananda does not have his individual body on the ground now, but he lives in his disciples, just as Jesus lives in His.....I had reminded Nityananda that he was already within me, by way of Muktananda's spirit being within me, and Muktananda of course had Nityananda and the whole lineage of the Siddha's within him, so I was already linked....

I suddenly remembered another sign. The two mountains, as they got closer, sort of moved the earth kind of into a "plateau" between them. I asked Nityananda what that was, and he said, "a bridge."

This was a dramatic step closer to Nityananda and I am thrilled and elated. I cannot believe that this great saint has looked down upon me and granted my request, and totally "married" me to himself! I am speechless!

I know I have been through this with Jesus, and with Muktananda, and with other saints, but each time it happens it just makes you feel incredible joy and gratitude.

THANK YOU GOD....AMEN!

Please allow me to say, in case this sounds egotistical, that I am nothing. Of my flesh, I am hopeless and helpless. I can do nothing by my flesh whatsoever except all the ordinary mundane things in life, including falling into sin, addiction and delusion. I am prone to all evil, like the entire human race. When I speak of marvelous graces, and my soul a mountain, and all that, it is THE GRACE OF GOD WITHIN ME AND THE POWER OF GOD AND THE GIFTS OF GOD. I have no power. I am a withered blade of grass, and a grain of sand, and without extraordinary grace from God, would be here practically meaningless and then forgotten, lucky to get into Heaven if that. Everything wonderful, extraordinary and delightful that I speak about is done by the grace of God, and not by me. Whatever discipline and sacrifice I contribute is also puny without the grace of God empowering it.

NITYANANDA GIVES ME HIS KEY!

GREAT PROGRESS IN THE SADHANA

Had the following dream:

I had a meeting with a publisher, who in real life e-mailed me yesterday from France, about doing a photography book. I am with him in the dream, and have written three proposals on white paper for him; a bunch of papers, folded and stapled on the end and they are in a sort of basket. I am now going to address them by hand, but realizing he's quite near, in the next room and soon coming out, I wait for him.

When he comes out I give him the three proposals, taking out the staples of one of them to make it easy for him to read. (Am not sure if they are copies of the same one or different proposals.) It's so much easier to just hand him the stuff! I tell him that this lady (who works in the adult trade) is editing them over there to the right, using a high chair as a desk.

He and I speak and we seem to be in a Church for a while, then here at a resort. We are both on vacation, apparently. In a few moments we are very intimate, sitting in the same chair, close to each other! He is closer to the back of the chair, me to the front. I tell him how alone I am, that I have no one to talk to. There is no one around me at all where I am. It is lonely, I say, but yet, I am not complaining.

We then walk into this low building which is in the resort, like a lobby, rather low ceiling and sort of dim. We look out through the glass walls yonder and see a large area with pools and hundreds of people. Beyond that, perhaps not even within sight, is more of the resort. There is a main road, and along it there are carnival rides and also beaches where smaller numbers (than here) of people cavort. (Later I ask him about these rides and beaches yonder and he said he doesn't go there, that he is content here.)

In fact, he says,

"I like it here. I see these crazy guys here - they are Italians."

Then the publisher, who I shall call "Al," heads for the rest room to the left, but before he does so, he has something important he sort of puts into my right pocket. It is a small black vinyl holder, with a key inside I suspect; the key to his room. For some reason, he doesn't want to take it into the rest room with him. He trusts me with it. The strange thing about this key is that it is also like food, and you certainly don't want to take food with you into the rest room.

I stand there and wait for him for a long time, but he doesn't come out. I suspect I missed his coming out and search for him in another room. There I see one man completely covered with many layers of army blankets, sitting at a table like for cocktails. I look under the blankets for Nityananda, and see it is not he, because this man wears army pants, and Nityananda doesn't. I look a few places. Then I go to the main desk of the lobby we were in and ask the man if anyone came looking for this key? He says no.

There was also a part where I was sitting in the chair with him and I explained to him that these proposals were about a book that was not the main book of my life. I gave THAT to Hollywood. I told him that they have millions and millions to spend - more money than you can imagine. He understood and wasn't upset by that.

I also thought, was I at the resort too long? Did I have to go back to work? And then the thought came to me that I was rich, and could stay here as long as I wanted!

Meaning of the Dream

When I woke up I thought the dream was insignificant, because it was only about something of this world - a publisher. After thinking a short time, I said to myself,

"What if the publisher is only a symbol, as often happens? What if he is Nityananda?"

And then, the dream fell into place and made sense. Of course. I immediately started to take the clues apart.

Proposals:

These are my prayers, my requests to Nityananda, what I need from him. The lady editing on the "high chair" (baby chair and adult worker are both symbols of the immature persons of the flesh) is a symbol of the fact that I want to remove from my life association with unevolved people, to the extent that they would not hurt my spiritual state.

I told Nityananda in my prayers, that I was coming to him because he did what I want to do, and he knew how to handle it. He built a Church. He started with an Ashram that eventually covered the whole world, through the work of his disciples. When he was in his Ashram, he was almost always in a state of bliss, no matter how unevolved his devotees and visitors were. They did not (most of the time) ruffle him. I needed that ability. I needed to stay in the spiritual state, unmoved, while dealing with people. I also needed to stay away from those who came to use me, and abstracted from those who would harass and offend me. These people were pulling me into their lives and into their filth. Nityananda, the Avatar of Bliss, could help me with this.

Review of Recent Experiences of Nityananda: The Sanskrit and the Two Great Mountains

I have already had a few experiences with Nityananda since starting the sadhana. First, he was speaking Sanskrit and a professor could not get the pronunciation right, but I did. Next, Nityananda and I were two mountains with a huge garland draped over both of us, the garland made of lotus petals. The mountains were moving closer together, the land between them forming a bridge. I have been meditating on these mountains for days. There is great meaning here on the highest level. Here you have two things joining Nityananda and myself. The upper is the Sahasrara, or the Divine Union. It is total Spirit. But there, on the bottom, you see the land forming a bridge as we come closer. This is the Sacred Humanity Bridge. Compare this to Jesus and ourselves in The Blessed Sacrament. He gives us His Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity. It is not only Spirit He gives us when He gives us ALL of Himself. This symbol, then, is more than a prelude. It's a sign, already, of MARRIAGE.

Divine relationships and Divine Union come in different degrees, the highest of which, I am told, is marriage. In marriage, the Avatar or Saint gives us ALL that there is of themselves. (Be mindful of the fact that they give all, but we may not be able to contain or manifest all, and it may become evident in degrees. Just think of The Eucharist.....we do not receive the miracles of the Eucharist each time we receive it because we are not capable of manifesting It's miracles. The miracle power is there, but it needs the right vessel, at the right moment, to produce these miracles.) Since I am married to Jesus, it means He's given me ALL of Himself. Nityananda told me he'd given me ALL OF HIMSELF, when I asked him what marriage meant. (Naturally I know it is union, but there is great mystery here.) In my first marriage to God in 1982, I saw symbols that what had happened was that God had permeated my BODY as well as my soul. This is a symbol of manifestation of the miracle power of God to transform us totally, and finally, what can happen, does happen.

In 1982 all that could happen, did happen. I was married to God, I saw God face to face, and other miracles happened. But do take note, that union continues. There isn't one union and that is it. We are finite, God is infinite. God can continue to penetrate us for the rest of our lives and bring us to closer and closer unions, each having their own protocol, imagery to our minds and senses, and each bringing sensational spiritual results. This sadhana with Nityananda is the continuation of that union with God. What strikes me here is the similarity to my marriage in 1982: God finally broke through to my body. The body is the last bastion of spiritual obstinance, and without total surrender of the body there can be no marriage, there cannot be Vision of God face to face. Therefore, what strikes me is the bottom symbol, the land bridge. This is the body. Nityananda has joined me not only Spirit and Soul but body. This is marriage, and can be nothing but marriage. I did not see it until days later, but there it is! I whimsically said to Nityananda,

"So when will we start having children?"

He said,

"We already had one. On the 17th (of February, 2005) the woman saved from Hell was my doing."

What power! I had only put Nityananda's picture on my altar on the 16th, and meditated for ten minutes! Apparently, I was totally ready for the Avatar of Bliss.

Sitting on a chair together:

This is extremely auspicious. A chair is a position, a seat, a place of work or authority. He and I are in the same place of authority, in that we are spiritual leaders. It is extremely kind of God to put me in the same seat with this great saint! Where I explain my loneliness to him, this is the reason I became susceptible to people, letting them into my life without enough of a filter, and this is how I get hurt. (Days later Nityananda tells me one of his greatest sufferings, also, was loneliness, during the main part of his life before the Ashram...He shows me that it's the most common human ailment, and also, the place where most go astray. The feeling of isolation makes people take others at any price, and also causes addictions and other maladies. But the one who perseveres through loneliness and waits for God is the winner.)

Notice, he is closer to the back of the chair, myself in front of him. This is the symbol he is "back" in time. He was a spiritual leader of a Church and Ashram before me. Today, I am building a Church, occupying the "same seat" he had. He is to the back, I am to the front in the realm of time.

Giving the Main Story to Hollywood:

In real life, my life story is being considered by "Hollywood". I am saying to Nityananda, when all of this happens, I will really be in trouble if I cannot control my inner state. I need to get hold of myself now and remain unmoved because when this happens, I could lose my interior life completely.

The Dim Room, Lobby:

This is the interior state. We look outside, and near here, where he says the "crazy Italians" are, would be the Ashram or Church where people come to be close to the guru. Here, one has to stay in the interior state, while associating with people. They are "crazy" because of their ignorance and delusions. I was telling him (in real life) about the crazy one I met that day, and he said I should have met some of the characters who came to him - they were worse.

The Rides and Beaches Yonder, Where He Did Not Want to Go:

These are the "ups and downs" of the world. When you let your emotions get involved with the world, it will take you way up in hope, and then way down in despair. Here depicted are amusement rides, like ferris wheels and roller coasters. These rides take you way up, then way down, like your emotions would be attached to people and worldly things. The beaches are also a symbol of people looking for happiness in this world. Do not connect your mind with that. I am saying I have been there, and does he ever go there? He says no - he never lets his mind and emotions get swayed by earthly things. He says he is happy here, in the interior life.

He Gives Me The Key:

In the dream, I an unaware that he is giving me A GREAT GIFT!
In fact, it does not dawn on me until I use my gift of interpretation. Here Nityananda is going into the REST ROOM. This is he is going into God, as God is WHERE ONE RESTS. There is nothing beyond God, better than God, so your mind, and your whole being, RESTS in God. But before he goes there, he gives me HIS KEY. This key is a gift so that I can also rest in God - be there where he is - in the STATE OF BLISS. It is THE KEY TO HIS MENTAL AND SPIRITUAL STATE. In other words, he is awarding me exactly what I asked for!

Key Like Food:

The NOURISHMENT one gets, spiritually, by being in the interior state, the state of bliss.

I am slow to catch on, so I am trying to figure out where he is and looking for him, but cannot find him. I think that this key is only his, only for him, but he has given it to me as a gift. The fact that HE TRUSTS ME is also propitious. It means that I AM READY FOR THIS GIFT; I AM ABLE TO RECEIVE IT AND APPRECIATE IT.

Why He Does Not Take the Key into the Rest Room With Him:

He is returning to his ultimate state with God and he is giving me HIS KEY or HIS ANOINTING TO ENTER THE STATE THAT HE IS IN. I am going to make an assumption that I will be with him in his state. This is a link - like the link I give Souls in Purgatory, who enter into MY DOMAIN, and then, right through that, ENTER INTO HEAVEN when the time comes.

The Man Under The Blankets:

Muktananda never tried to hide himself from humanity, he served humanity. This man might be a symbol of a saint, but one who did not open himself to the public. He has been in the battle of life, but he wants to cover and hide himself from others. This was not Nityananda, and this is not me. Both of us want to give what we have to the world.

The Resort:

Resorts always mean Heavenly states, to me. Often they are places like France, Paris, Canada, or any place tourists might want to go. It means that my mind is resting in a good state.

I Am Rich and Can Stay Here as Long as I Want To:

Here Nityananda/God is telling me I can always rest in God. I am rich in spirituality. I do not have to descend into the pit of depression, despair, anxiety, etc. I am free! And he has given me the Key, a Gift!

Glory, Glory, Hallelujah! God is good! THANK YOU, GOD!

A QUICK REVIEW OF THE SADHANA:
FEBRUARY 16, 2005

Put two of Nityananda's pictures on my altar, surrounded by flowers. Meditate about ten minutes only.

February 16 & 17:

Sadhana Begins and We Have OUR FIRST CHILD! (Having a child means saving a person from Hell or delivering someone from Purgatory)

I have finished three days of intense emotional suffering and today, a woman I know is given the grace of repentance and is no longer destined for Hell. I had been praying for her for years and do not necessarily connect this with Nityananda, but soon he tells me this was "our first child!"

Meditate about 15 minutes gazing at Nityananda.

February 18:

The Invisible Priest and Multiple Holy Communions.

At first, I did not connect this with Nityananda, either. But looking back days later, I make a connection. When the children of Fatima were about to begin seeing Our Lady of Fatima, a great Angel appeared to them and gave them Holy Communion a few different times. This invisible priest (who is sort of behind me but yet invisible) holds a paten with an entire stack of Holy Communions on it, and wants to give me them all secretly - without the rest of the congregation in the Church noticing. I am able to consume two, and a crumb from each of the rest, but not the entire amount. My mouth simply won't hold them! I now believe the meaning is this: God is preparing me for much grace as Nityananda will soon come VERY CLOSE to me! (Be mindful of this - we can only receive as much grace as we are capable of receiving. God would give us much more, but we are not able to hold more. This invisible priest is probably an ANGEL preparing me for the Union with Nityananda, the Avatar of Bliss.

I meditate about a half hour.

February 20:

The great scene of the two mountains with a garland of lotus blossoms around them both! The mountains are coming closer, forming a land bridge...This is Nityananda and me!

This was shown me after meditating about 20 minutes and I dozed off for two minutes.

February 20:

Nityananda gives me HIS KEY!
This is the key to his state of bliss!

February 21:

THE WEDDING DRESS IS READY!

This is a joyful and jubilant shock. I have had many unions with souls, but the only soul I have been officially married to is Jesus. Yes, I sometimes called my unions "marriages" in a general sense, because of the deep, intimate love, but there was not an official ceremony and all the works. With Jesus there was a betrothal in 1978, and then a Marriage to God in 1982, and once again, after a deep devotional discipline, I was married to Our Lord on August 24, 2004.

When I carried out the Muktananda sadhana in 2000, it was romantic and friendly, as he appeared as many different handsome and sexy movie and tv stars - (but there was never any doubt that it was Muktananda "clothed" in their bodies.) I do not recall anything that I call "marriage", although there was great intimacy from friendship to lover-like embraces. I did not draw any conclusions why that was, and this now gives me food for thought. Why marriage with Nityananda - but another sort of union with Muktananda? This is a study of different kinds of unions I'll have to attend to later.

That is why today, I am in awe of what has happened and cannot wait to tell you the dreams. I've been working on them all day - (about eight hours) - and have decided to concentrate on Nityananda and push everything else aside until this bears full fruit.

February 21, 2005

Three Dreams:

1 The Snake That Bit Me

2 The Building Where the Wedding and Reception Will Take Place

3 The Wedding Dress is Ready!

Dream # 1:

The Snake That Bit Me:

I have a garden, surrounded by a wire fence coated with plastic. It's small, and has one nice tree, like my Japanese Bloodgood Maple, and stringy grasses, and birds here and there. I put a snake in the garden (I love all animals!) which is about four feet long and not too thick, and is green. The snake stays in the same spot all the time. It does not seem to have room to crawl under this shed near it, painted blue.

I am watching the snake, and I know it's a viper. It stands up and looks around, as it's hungry. There are a few wild birds around, but it spots a green parrot like bird, sitting on the rim of the fence in front of it.

It decides to devour this bird, and I am aghast, because it's my pet. It opens it's jaw and swallows the head and shoulder of the bird.

I run over and pry open the jaw of the snake and release the bird, but the snake bites me on my right hand, then my left. I know I may have to go to the hospital, but also think God might heal me of the poison. I am trying to extricate myself from the snake, but it has caught hold of my skin and I have to sacrifice some of my skin, in order to pull off the snake. Then a life and death struggle ensues. In order to conquer the snake, I must make it turn upon itself, and in a sense, let it's own poison go into itself. I grab it's head and hold it's jaws very tight to do this. The snake knows it will die from this and struggles intensely, and I struggle also. I finally win, and hurl the snake backward, where it will be disabled.

Meaning of the Dream:

This "preamble" type dream explains the problem I got into which caused me to surrender myself to Nityananda.

I was counseling people, but they pulled me into their world and I got hurt. This happened because, after a while, instead of just giving them unconditional love, I began to want something back. Nothing physical - just that they would obey my instructions! As soon as I wanted them to be obedient to me, my EGO got involved!

The Snake:

The snake here is not the devil, nor the Shakti, but it is a part of my human or animal self. It is a normal part of me that wants nourishment. But when this part of me wanted nourishment it was as if "feeding" my lower self. You cannot let your human emotions, ego, or senses, be entangled with spiritual counsel. You give counsel, and that is it. Let the chips fall where they may. You cannot get indignant if they are ungrateful or don't respond or obey. If your desire gets involved, you will get hurt. The desire to get a tangible RESULT from one's spiritual help is like FEEDING OFF the client. My higher self, which is usually the dreamer, tangles with my flesh to put a stop to this.

The Garden:

It is like the Garden of Eden. The tree is the Tree of Life, or Jesus. (The big hint is BLOODGOOD Maple.) The garden here explained also coincides with my version of what happened in the Garden of Eden. The Garden is BLISS or CONTEMPLATION. When humans fall down from Bliss, conscious union with God, and enter into things, they lose Paradise.

This Garden is also my internet site, from which people came to me. They are the little birds flitting about. This Garden is my Church of the Internet, and the Tree of Life is in it.

The Small Parrot Which is a Pet:

This represents people whom I am helping. I was helping one more than others, but all of them contributed to my pain. I think this one bird symbolizes them all. I MUST LEAVE THEM FREE, TO OBEY OR NOT OBEY MY INSTRUCTIONS!

The Snake Bites My Hands:

Hands are love, and so, my love is affected. It must be UNCONDITIONAL. Poison would be anything that interferes with love, like sin. I feel confident God will heal me of my sins.

Holding Down the Jaw of the Snake, Which Will Kill or Disable It:

I must stop the the flesh from wanting a return for the work that I (the Spirit) does. This takes a violent effort on my part, as the flesh is stubborn. This extreme conflict was a tightening in the chest - the type that makes people go to emergency hospitals. But I have had this about 7-8 times in the last five years and know what it is. How interesting it is that THE SPIRIT, MY OWN INTERIOR, GAVE ME THIS ATTACK IN ORDER TO HEAL ME. I recall it well, and it was like another I had due to extreme emotional pain. I saw every person that had hurt me of late - about half a dozen - with impossible negative thoughts coming from them to me, or so I imagined. The weight of this pushed so hard on my mind that it was unbearable, and caused my chest to tighten into excruciating pain. When this attack subsided, I never wanted to go there again. It changed me. (Food for thought is why did the other attacks not heal me or prevent me from falling into the same trap....it is the human condition....we fall again and again, until a miracle transforms us....this time I am counting on the grace of Nityananda, that I will have the power not to go there again.)

Green Color of Snake and Parrot:

Usually green indicates "of the earth."

The moral of this dream is that you cannot control people - you have to leave them free will. You can't get upset if they use you and refuse to do what you tell them. You have to do what God does - let them obey or not obey, and meet their own fate. You are not the Mother of a kid you spank and force him to do right. On another note, you cannot let people decide your fate and happiness, nor should your human condition dictate sorrow or happiness. It all has to be within. You have to align yourself with God, like Nityananda, and remain in the eternal reality no matter what happens outside.

Dream # 2:

The Building Where the Wedding and Reception Will Take Place:

I see a building looking down as if from a high hill. It reminds me of a farm nearby - where they have cows, but it is much finer. It is in the shape of a Tao Cross, or a "T". On the sides are obvious openings, like they have openings for cows to lean out and eat grain, but yet, this is for people. I sense there is going to be a big party here, like a reception - and then there will be a wedding. I have no idea who will be involved in this wedding until after the next dream.

Meaning of the Dream:

The Building in the Shape of the Tao Cross:

This is a place where two renunciates will wed. The cross is saying "they are both dead to self."

The Reception:

After I dreamed the Wedding dream and knew this was about Nityananda and myself, I asked him about the reception, as to who would be there. He said that all his devotees in Heaven and on earth, and all those I have helped, would be the Wedding party.

I told him that I imagined his followers would number over 100,000. Those I helped, perhaps a few hundred. He said also that the saints who have assisted me and many angels would also be there. Even souls in Purgatory would be aware of it and feel glad.

The Cow Principle:

This is a symbol of LOVE. Since cows give milk and milk is seen as an elixir of love, this represents a station where these two souls will distribute love to others. It strikes me as appropriate that cows are sacred in India, and here, we have a cow symbol.

Dream # 3

The Wedding Dress is Ready:

I go to a sort of dressmaker's place with two lady friends. She tells me,

"The Wedding dress is ready!"

I am still not aware this is my dress.

I ask her what color it is, and she says,

"You said a while back you wanted it ELECTRIC."

I say,

"I guess I was pretty excited when I said that."

She brings out a dress and we all gasp as it is so beautiful. It is a metallic silver and lustrous but soft. The top has loose gathering going across, at the bustline, and straps of the same material, thin. The midriff is tight and the skirt goes down softly, then has an attachment that flares around. You can wear it by itself, and it is a semi-formal dress. So you could wear it after the wedding for a party. For the wedding, the attachment flares out beautifully. I look at the workmanship of the seams, and it is skillfully done. It is as if she put small padding in the seams where the attachments are. This is real professional work. Another remarkable nuance of this dress is it can be turned into a bikini. Somehow the top can be fixed so it is just a diamond-shaped bra, and it is covered with pink polka dots on top of the silver. I assume it has a bottom, but I don't see it. What a versatile ensemble!

There are also two other dresses, in the colors wine and dark green, also beautiful, but I don't take a close look at them. When we see the dress, my one friend is so eager to see it on she starts pulling the clothes off the other lady. The other lady is a sort of "stand in" for the dress, like the model for it, and the one lady strips her naked quickly so she can put this dress on. They are both brunettes.

It is then that I notice Fr. Carpi. (not his real name) This is a priest I've seen on EWTN, and he speaks well. He has a gray beard and mustache, a real macho man. He's lying on his stomach, and we are teasing him because he is looking at the lady who is now naked, but he looks through some wedding veils crumpled on the bed in front of him. He's lying on this bed on his stomach, the bed covered in pink, and has a sweet, pleasant expression.

The naked woman has a beautiful body and large breasts and the dress will be terrific on her. But the dress is not for her, she is a kind of "stand in" for the real person.

Off to the side, there were long strands of double-rowed rhinestones in all colors, that would be used for the dress, but why they were not sewn on yet, I don't know. I especially noticed the green, but there were several colors.

Some other scenes I see with Fr. Carpi:

I am speaking to thousands of people, and many of them are priests. I am explaining to them,

"You must face your sexuality.

You must come to terms with it, or you will never be happy," something like that.

(This is a message I sense, in real life, priests and many others need, and somehow, I am the right person to give it to them.)

Then I see Fr. Carpi quitting the priesthood, marrying me, and making love to me! This is vague. Then I see him standing near the door to the old farmhouse, having just come in, wearing sporting clothes in wine and green, and holding something for sports, ready to go out and play. He is in a lighthearted mood.

Meaning of the Dream:

It took me a few moments to discern this is about me and the dress is for me! At first, I thought it was about a Soul in Purgatory, for whom I sometimes see wedding dresses.

The giveaway is that Fr. Carpi looks somewhat like the picture of Nityananda I am meditating on. The look on his face when he is lying on the bed and we tease him about looking at the naked girl, is exactly that of the blissful Nityananda. Not only does it look like him, the fact that he is looking FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE VEIL proves he is Nityananda in Heaven, not a priest on earth. And so, if Fr. Carpi is Nityananda, the wedding dress is for me, and we are being married!

The Wedding Dress:

I am not totally sure how the wedding dress is produced. Obviously, it is an intangible product, not one of material threads. What does it represent? My preparation? The light in my soul? How does this particular product relate directly to Nityananda? I have a suspicion that the dress itself is the wedding gift of Nityananda. Yesterday he gave me HIS KEY.

This is BLISS. And today - he is LOOKING AT ME. Muktananda said HE NEVER LOOKED AT PEOPLE. He always had his eyes closed, 90% of the time, even when he was eating. And when he INITIATED Muktananda, he looked at him and filled him with Shakti, THROUGH THE EYES. The Kundalini Shakti, in various colors, went like a beam of light from the eyes of Nityananda into the eyes of Muktananda, and therein, Nityananda transmitted his spirit and power into Muktananda. (Please be aware that this initiation is the equivalent of Our Lord Jesus Christ giving us His Body and Blood...which contains His Humanity and His Divinity...when a guru enters the disciple, he or she also enters the person not only as spirit, but their humanity is in it, also.) Now notice once the woman is naked - which is me in the flesh I presume - Nityananda is LOOKING from Heaven at her. She is now going to put on the dress. Is the dress the initiation? Is the dress the Humanity and Divinity of Nityananda? Once the dress is on means, this Presence now enters my soul. Now Nityananda has initiated me and lives in me, in a very special way called, in this dream, "Electric." No doubt the Shakti Kundalini is "electric" and now Nityananda has entered me, body and soul, and Spirit. God has entered me, and Nityananda has entered me in a special way called "marriage."

There are so many things to consider here: The nuances and design, and versatility of the dress. The position of Nityananda, the bed, the pink color and the veil.

There is great versatility in the dress. The pink polka dots on the diamond- shaped breast holders are nipples - to exhibit nourishment of spiritual children. The extra flair, to be worn during the wedding, which can be removed for informal parties, is that all the Light and Gifts Nityananda gives me will not all be used at once. Sometimes I will use less of his gifts, sometimes more. But he gives me all that I can use - the formal length.

The Pink Bed He is On, Reclining on His Stomach:

The PINK represents my humanity, as a passive mortal on earth. Both male and female are seen in pink (not always) when they are taken up by God into Heaven. The fact that he is lying on the symbol of my humanity, the pink covered bed, and in the missionary position, is a hint of sex. It means the transmission of his power, as if he were doing sex to me, and fertilizing or impregnating me with his power. This is not getting READY for the wedding. THIS IS THE WEDDING! It was as soon as I got NAKED or READY for THE DRESS. The dress is the power! My seamstress/Spirit SHOWS me the dress and all parts of me are in awe. But Nityananda transmits the "dress" into my soul, while he is looking at me!

I believe the Spirit/seamstress knows, understands what it is that Nityananda has to give me, and she shows it to me. (That is why the gasp.) But she does not put it on me. You do not see me putting on the dress. You only see Nityananda looking at me, and me naked. That is the secret.

The "crumpled up" veil he is looking at me through is that he is reaching my humanity from Heaven - looking at me from Heaven, marrying me to himself!

I have puzzled regarding the color of the dress, which is silver but with a black undertone. It is soft, but metallic, thicker than the average cloth. I now believe it hints at the scales of a snake and snake means SHAKTI KUNDALINI or HOLY SPIRIT. (Christians, relax.)

There is a great secret in the black undertone. A polar bear actually has black skin, to preserve heat, and it's fur looks white, but is translucent. Something like that. I think Nityananda is "covering" me in a way that I stay in the warmth of God, so I am protected like a polar bear. But I also shine, because I must help humanity, and so I have two coverings, the black for me, and the silver for them. The black of God (God is darkness to us, St. John of the Cross) is to retain my own strength, and the Light is for them who I minister to.

The Mystery of the Seamstress:

If Nityananda gives me this dress, which is the wedding gift of Light and Grace, then how is it part of myself creates or produces it - sews it together? This could make sense if you imagine this: Nityananda gives THE MATERIAL which is the spiritual substance, while I, the God within me, ADJUSTS or designs it to suit my ministerial and personal needs.

The RHINESTONES or JEWELS:

These are more EXTRA GIFTS of Nityananda/God - as if he hasn't given me enough! The green are lights "for the earth" and other colors could be for the earth as well as Purgatory. I think I saw white, pink, maybe yellow. The green stood out because he will help me the most with the earth. Holy Mother Mary is in charge of my ministry to Purgatory, so I don't need his help there. But on the earth - I am DESPERATE for his help!

The Electric Principle of Shakti Kundalini:

Yogis have a different way of explaining the Holy Spirit, and that is why it is sometimes symbolized as a snake. Like a snake, it starts at the bottom chakra, and then winds its way through the spine (Sushumna Canal), piercing all the chakras and energizing them like electricity, until it reaches the top, the summit of perfection, the Sahasrara. (Until the Shakti goes through all the Centers, one does not have Self-Realization. One does not begin to be spiritual until the Heart Chakra is energized. This symbol coincides with the reality of being "born again." Lest you be born again, you are not spiritually alive.)

The Fr. Carpi scenes:

Here, I am being shown something to do with my mission, of which he will be a part. It is to help people understand sexuality. Perhaps not to be hypocrites, but to own up to their true feelings. But in the end, sex and human love cannot fulfill us. It shows Fr. Carpi and I "making love," but this is spiritual, not sexual. Spiritual "making love" is true fulfillment, while the physical is not. Fr. Carpi appears in garb that is ready for happiness, and it is the same colors as my trousseau - wine and green. This is death to self. (Wine is long-time sacrifice, green is earth.) We can only be happy when we are free of the things of this world! Then and only then can we have bliss! That is why he comes to me in a place of suffering - the old farmhouse - ready for play, or happiness. He is free.

The Two Women With Me and the Seamstress:

These are all parts of me. The one stripped naked is my flesh. The one helping and undressing me? Don't know. The seamstress is the God-me or Spirit. The dress is for the soul, so I guess the dreamer, here, is the soul.

As I said, the colors with the trousseau are the colors of death-to-self, a prerequisite for mystical union.

I am now on the third day interpreting this dream. I do not understand all of it yet. There are many mysteries here which could create a whole book.

I thank God and Nityananda with all my heart for these graces.

NITYANANDA SADHANA CONTINUES
FEBRUARY 23, 2005

Yesterday, the 22nd, I had such seemingly insignificant dreams, that I was disappointed and did not think of them very much. I had been hoping for more fireworks. But today, the 23rd, I had dreams that continued in the vein of yesterday, and then I saw that both yesterday and today had significant meaning in the Nityananda sadhana.

February 23 Dreams:

1 The Frozen Dog

2 Nityananda Creates an Elixir

3 The Woman With Green Hair

February 22 Dreams

1 My Dog Faces Evil and Hate

2 Nothing Happens Till I Perform and Show My Breasts

Content of Dreams
February 23:
Dream # 1: The Frozen Dog

I looked in the freezer of my refrigerator and saw two things. The first is two large-mouthed glass jars filled with chunks of beef and fat which I used to feed Gagee-Boy, (my late Rotty) but he is dead. I decide to take these out, thaw them and feed them to the other dogs.

The shocker is that there is my bulldog, Arnold, in the freezer. (He is a platinum blonde sweetheart.) I explain to my vet, who I see later, that he got sick and died. I put him in the freezer because the ground is frozen and I could not dig him a hole. I would now take him out, thaw him out, and bury him.

But as soon as he begins to thaw out, he starts moving. His eyes are injured, though. (It reminds me of when one of my dogs got hit by a car and the impact made one of his eyes pop out.)
I bring this situation to the nice young lady vet. She tells me,

"If his eyes return, then he will live and be alright. But if his eyes don't come in well, we'll have to euthanize him. She said it looks good, as the worse eye is showing pink - a good sign."

As I am holding him and carrying him around everywhere, like a puppy, I see that his eyes are improving. In real life, he weighs about 45 lbs., but in this dream he's become a puppy and is half that.

Meaning of this dream and the other dog dream explained:

Here Nityananda/God is teaching me about my condition past, and an understanding of Bliss. This frozen dog is the child within me. Yesterday, I dreamed of the same dog. He was standing in the yard, and everyone - they are invisible - are coming at him with long knives. The people and knives are invisible, but he sees them
and feels them. He is just standing there, his tail straight out, with a sense of trepidation and is sort of paralyzed. (Arnold the bulldog is like a puppy - he's always been like that since I got him from the shelter. He is the most playful, open-hearted dog imaginable, always happy no matter what, and totally positive. He doesn't understand evil and has always been happy, even when he was confined to a cage in the shelter for months. So to see him face evil like this - and to see his suffering, gives me a great deal of pain.) Yesterday, I had no idea what this meant, and so ignored it. Today, I know it is the child within me who has faced so much evil from people,
that it can no longer "play" or be happy and carefree.

Today, I see that child within me, after the suffering. It got sick and died, and I put it in the freezer, means that the child within me has gone dormant. It does not function, and so, the fun has gone out of life.

Because of Nityananda marrying me, THE CHILD HAS COME BACK TO LIFE. My vet - probably one of my guardian angels - tells me that unless I develop in understanding (the eyes) the child within me - the spontaneity, the joy, will die again. Thank God, it looks like my understanding is working.

The MEAT which I used to feed my Rotty, has also been frozen. This is the STRONG NOURISHMENT, OR STRONG LOVE I gave him. Now I will give the other dogs (my senses)
the spiritual love they need. (Dogs can mean inner senses, outer senses, the child within, other things also.)

Here Nityananda has given me a key. Why are children happy? (Naturally some are not, but we speak in general.) It is because a child, who is loved and protected by its parents, has few cares. It trusts and loves its parents, and knows that all that it needs will be provided. It does not understand evil yet. A child is open in trust, in hope, and focuses on what is happening right now; it does not sit around thinking about the past or future - so it's free to enjoy the moment. A child can be happy with little things, while adults seek complicated things to make them happy. A child is not self-conscious, (the key to misery) but egoless and therefore, does not think about itself nor does it worry too much about what others think of it. It is in a sort of cocoon or domain of safety due to it's parents and family. Because of all these factors; it's egoless state, it's trust, it's lack of fear (partially due to ignorance), a child is HAPPY. Like my bulldog Arnold, who doesn't know what pain is, the child is always ready to play.

Jesus said,

"Suffer the little children to come to me, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven....Don't you know you must be like this child to enter the Kingdom of Heaven?"

He was not referring to eternity only, he was referring to here and now. In order to have Bliss, we must be like children. Our fellowship with God is our family. God is our Mother/Father Who provides for us. The saints are our brothers and sisters, the angels our guardians. Being aware of this superior and noble family should surround us with love and security, and we should surrender all our cares in this environment. But on earth, this isn't too easy. The human condition torments us. It brings us fear, depression, anxiety, and other terrible things. To become this child again, to trust God completely, and to attain Bliss, is no easy feat. Nityananda, the Avatar of Bliss, was sought after from all over India because of being a little child......it is the hardest thing to be. This is what Nityananda is giving me right now, the grace of being a little child.

Dream # 2: Nityananda Creates an Elixir

We are having a supper with a few friends, in this pleasant room, about five people. A vivacious young man has created a syrup for us to put on our food. What I notice are the dishes, which are blue pottery and other medium pastel colors. I think the food is fish, and the syrup, which is like a light-colored maple syrup, goes on them. He has a small pot, like a creamer, which holds the rest of the syrup. There isn't much left, and he tells us not to waste it. It is then I notice that some of it did spill on my chest, but got caught in a sort of cup of my white top. I take the syrup then, knowing how valuable it is, and pour it from my top onto my fish. It is not wasted, now. He only had a couple teaspoons left in his creamer.

This is a special and private dinner, and that's why we do not appreciate our neighbor, who seems to chronically knock at our door, during our private moments. She is there now, knocking, on some triviality. She is saying to us,

"My mother is cold."

(Mother is the God within us, the Spirit....being cold means her relationship with God is cold.)

Where she is at the door is glass halfway up, and there are large picture windows, like half the walls being glass, on both sides of the door. Beyond that is a sort of courtyard that seems enclosed, her house right next door. She's young and reminds me of a young woman I used to counsel for free, taking a lot of trouble to do so, who got angry when I said I wasn't helping her any more.

Meaning of the dream:

Nityananda has created an elixir of love which nourishes us. He's saying not to waste it. Apparently, his nectar is already in my heart, because the way this has spilled, is like a picture I saw of Jesus with His Stigmata, the angels catching His Blood in a cup. I am obeying Nityananda and not wasting his heart's, and my heart's love. Of note is the fact that in Sanskrit, the NECTAR of devotion is the RASA of devotion. There are different types of devotion, and they are called different types of rasa's, and my name is Rasa. The fact that the elixir was held in a cup below my heart says to me that this is love from the heart. This also reminds me of the "attar of Roses" sermon of Aimee Semple McPherson, one of her most poignant sermons. She describes Jesus as the "attar of Roses," which have to be crushed in order to make this attar, which is the basis OF ALL PERFUMES. This symbol brings to my mind that Nityananda was the highest type of renunciant, one who gave HIS ALL COMPLETELY TO GOD, the equivalent of martyr or stigmatist. In this way, he is like Jesus, and this also says to me why he and Jesus love me enough to marry me, because I am a stigmatist. (See e-book on this site.)

He is showing me why people need counseling, and how rude they are. They need help because they have lost touch with the God within themselves, but they have no right to interfere with my sacred spiritual space. The answer to life's problems lies within - the relationship to God in our very own soul. But if we lose that relationship by being pulled outside through other people - what good are we to ourselves or them? We are the salt of the earth, but if the salt loses its taste, it is good for nothing. He is saying these people have no right to take me away from God. He is saying DO NOT WASTE YOUR HEART'S LOVE AND MINE ON THOSE WHO DO NOT DESERVE IT.

I am taking this advise to heart. There is often a conflict within me between self-sacrifice and spiritual self preservation. Nityananda is telling me put the Kingdom of God first. They have no right to enter the sanctum sanctorium, the Holy of Holies. I have erred in the direction of giving people too much, that which should be kept for God. People are destroyers - God is the healer. Ramakrishna spoke of that well. He had a tendency to fall into trances and blissfull states wherever he went, and he had
to be careful about being in crowds. Once he started dancing blissfully at a large gathering and lots of people were attracted to this bliss - knowing God was within him. But he needed bodyguards to whisk him away, because people have negative energies and demons, that torment open souls like him. In fact, this gathering happened at the end of his life and possibly contributed to his early death.

Dream # 3: The Woman With Green Hair

I am at a sort of gathering where there are a few women. The woman I spoke about in the last dream seems to be here, sitting to my left. Her hair is real thick and is colored green. I marvel at this, and ask her where she got the coloring. I say,

"Sometimes I want to stand out in a group, and perhaps, if I dyed my hair green, I would stand out. Where do you buy the stuff?"

At first, she tells me the answer, but before I can write it down, she walks away, because she doesn't really want to tell me. I say to her,

"It's alright. I can just go to all the stores and ask them if they have green dye, and I'll find it."

Meaning of the Dream:

This dream says to beware of the mentality of the world. It's mentality causes strife between people.

If each person wants to stand out, or be better than others, then everyone is against each other. It becomes competition. Then you have envy, because if someone is better, or has more, whatever it is that they have, we have less. The GREEN stands both for WORLDY THOUGHTS and ENVY.

This woman stood out because of her hair. But when I wanted to stand out, she didn't want to help me. The world works that way - all competition.

Dream of the 22nd:

Nothing Happens Until I Perform and Show My Breasts:

This dream, which I was baffled by yesterday, makes sense today. Nityananda is answering my question:

"Will I ever be respected for my spirituality the way you were?"

In this dream, there is a street where all my associates are trying to sell wares, like on the street. But nothing is happening. People are not coming and nothing gets bought or sold. Then they announce that I'm going to dance, and people gather. Then business get's active.

I am really plain. No costume, just ordinary t-shirts, like three of them, including gray. The people here are simple, also. Everybody just plain folks. But everyone wants to see my body, both men and women.

There are a bunch of females here, though, who have to leave because they have to return to school. I know they have not seen my breasts yet, so I run over to them and pull up my t-shirt. They asked me if they sagged, and I said no.

I then finish performing and go from person to person talking to them, and dancing for them. One man I tease about all he remembers is his last enema.

Meaning of the Dream:

Nityananda is saying that I will not be respected for my spirituality until people see my love. That is all that counts. It isn't glamour or facade. The breasts (not saggy, full of milk) are love and both women and men want to see this. Everything happens when they see your love - all activity, commerce and success will happen when they become aware that you are spiritually developed. The man I tease about the enema must be someone full of shit - a deluded person.

What is notable is the poverty or ordinariness of this: No fancy costumes. I am as plainly dressed as my audience, in layers, including GREY: OF THE MIND. My plainness is there is no facade or masquerade. No pretension, no display. Just show me the love. It's underneath, when I denude myself of exteriors, the clothes. Under layers of black (secret, unknowing) and gray (the mind) and plain clothes (the poverty) is the body and breasts that show spirituality and the capacity to give. This applies to women as well as men. This is not a show to turn men on; it is spirituality.

CHANNELING NITYANDANA

I have been speaking to Nityananda a lot in the last few days, about all manner of things big and small. When you are ONE with a guru, you think of him or her day and night, and whatever question comes to mind, you present it. This is appropriate. You don't ask each of the six or twelve saints you channel different questions all day. You focus on one and all questions go to that one.

The question of the day was:

"Now that you have told me the secret of Bliss - to be a "Divine
Child," how do I cultivate this state?"

He speaks in images more than words. What comes to my mind are the qualities of St. Gertrude the Great, the two things she said brought her the most success with God: Liberty of Spirit and Confidence (in God).

Of course. That would be poverty of spirit or detachment from worldly things, and confidence is like trust. This would be an egoless state, and having trust the way a child trusts. Will have to meditate on that, practice it, do mantras for it. Even though you get these things by grace, (and I assume Nityananda has increased these qualities in me by grace), you also have to cooperate with that grace. You work on it like a beauty queen works on her beauty.

More Insights on the Dream of February 23 -
"Nityananda Creates an Elixir:"

It occurred to me that the elixir that Nityananda created resembles maple syrup, but is lighter. In another dream I had the "tree of life" was a Japanese Bloodgood Maple, and so, this elixir is from the "tree of life." The "tree of life" is no different than when Jesus said, "I am the vine, you are the branches." Simply put, it is the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Life. Why is it sparse and not to be wasted? Because in this world, it is not easy to obtain. And of course, to take the precious Shakti (Holy Spirit) of God and waste it on mortals who do not appreciate it is wrong.

Dream of February 25

Dreams About The Stigmata
And Evil of the Devil -

Nityananda is showing me how most people are consumed by the world, flesh and devil....I must be wary of this and not waste myself on them.

Saw a parade of black people who seemed to be passing in quick time, like a formal parade. They were all dressed in light green and were being conducted by others, like an orchestra and its conductor - except that there are many people and multiple conductors. It was some sort of gala and they were about six across.

I then notice two men, ahead of the parade, fighting terribly with one another, in the middle of the street. One has a post-hole digger as a weapon, bright red, and the other has some sort of a medium-sized scythe or reaper in a dull wood. It doesn't look like much of a weapon as for killing someone. The post-hole digger is about eight inches across and is like a roto rooter made of solid metal. It bores into the ground.

As they fight the man with the digger shoves the entire thing through the torso of the other man. As soon as this happens, I see the wife of the stricken man run out and fling herself on top of him, screaming, in compassion for him. She is putting herself in harm's way as she does this. She is dressed in yellow and some green.

Both of the men have fallen.

Another Scene Related to the Subject of the Dream:

I am by the cellar door, which door is open. I am sitting with a person I look upon as a child, but it seems to be an adult. He is like a block - like three feet tall and two feet across, with no shape. I am showing him a cake just inside the open cellar door. It's a sort of gray/white inside (it is cut open so you can see easily) and has a sort of cream/yellow frosting. It looks delightful and I am trying to persuade him to do something and tempting him with the cake. This "block" person was one of several here who are handymen and supposed to be helping me with something.

Then I am on a blanket with the "block" and I am called away by a bunch of black females who have me in a small room. They surround me and seem to be attractive and dressed in pinks and pastels. I am kind of sitting on a table and they are all around, asking me vain and trivial questions, like they are curious. All I can remember saying is "I'm not gay," and excuse myself and leave.

When I go back to the blanket I see the "block" is gone, and I realize my purse was left there. I see it is open, and I see my dollar purse. It seems to have lots of dollars, but I'm worried, as I had $300. or so in cash there. It seems like a lot of dollars are here, fives and ones, but then, I realize someone did take all the big bills, the tens and twenties, and did take most of the money. But who? Since the block is gone and no one is around, I can't figure it out. I then look again through the purse and am relieved to find none of my credit cards and anything else like that is missing. This purse being robbed is a continuous nightmare, that I keep leaving my purse and it gets robbed. Suddenly, I become aware of who stole my money. It was the very same block I was being nice to! He comes back because he forgot his sunglasses - but he does not look the same. He looks like Richard Piper, a (not real name) a black comedian, movie star (now dead) only his skin here is white. I notice his extremely thick eyebrows. He comes up, simply takes the glasses, and walks off, saying not a word. By this act, I know it was him.

I am very upset that he did this to me and I pursue an old friend, Frank Sinatra, who I suddenly see. I feel real warm toward Frank and want to communicate and be close. He was one of the men who was in the "handyman" group. I tell him quickly, because he looks distracted and in a hurry,

"Don't associate with that man, because he's a thief and he robbed me."

But Frank can hardly listen. He is so distracted and overwrought that he lets this go without responding and just wants to keep moving to a place he thinks he has to go. Under his eyes are black eyeliner, smudged across. He is looking at some guys he is with who are taking him across the street and
down a residential street. This street slopes downward, is dim, and to the left of it, a chasm or drop. The houses are nice, but I see a young, callous-looking man with light curly hair next to a house urinating right there and all of this gives me an uncomfortable feeling. From Frank I get the feeling that he thinks he MUST not pay attention to me and just go. He's totally distracted and overwrought, like facing an emergency.

I recall explaining this robbery to someone and I said it looked like the females who called me away from the blanket were in cahoots with the thief.

MEANING OF THE DREAMS

Nityananda is inspiring these dreams, warning me about what to stay away from. In both dreams he shows me as a minister and instrument of God, that the devil and his people - which are many - want to do me harm. Prior to this I considered only the devil, not people, to be my enemies. But he is saying that the people of the devil are doing the devil's work and they are intent upon evil as much as the devil is!

We have to be careful of people in general, as most of them are on the broad highway to Hell, as they are consumed by the world, flesh and devil. They are the enemies of God and myself, and they are out to do harm to God and God's people. I HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS PICTURE BEFORE. Nityananda wants me to understand this. Pryor to this, I always pitied people and felt as long as there were enough ministers, most of them would be saved. But his vision says not so.

It begins with the parade.

THE PARADE OF BLACK PEOPLE:

When I first dreamed this I thought this was demons, as sometimes black people are demons in my dreams. Upon further meditation I realized these are people CONSUMED by the world, flesh and devil, and they are marching to Hell, on the broad highway to Hell. Their conductors are probably the things of the world, the allurements of the flesh, and Satan himself. The light green color (earth) and the wide road gave it away.

THE TWO MEN FIGHTING

Toward the front are two men in mortal combat. They are of equal size and height. The one with the reaper (saving souls like wheat) is JESUS. The one with the post-hole digger (Stigmata spear, wanting to kill and put into the ground) is SATAN. Jesus fought mortal combat with Satan, and both fell. Jesus was killed by Satan, but Jesus defeated Satan by His Holy Death. They are the same size because God humbled Himself to come to earth, and made Himself small. God becomes man. But the devil becomes man, also. Who the devil possesses becomes "equal" in size to Jesus, and is able to kill Jesus, but by this Holy Death, the devil himself is defeated.

The Wife Runs To Him

The wife is me. I am the spouse of Him, and Him crucified. As I compassionate Him and touch Him, I receive the Divine Stigmata also. I am in harm's way. But because of love, I don't care. Nityananda shows me this picture so I will remember.

Frank Sinatra:

At first, I was confused. Then the next day, I had another dream, about a Priest named Frank. I then concluded that Nityananda appears to me as a character named Frank because Frank means honest. Therefore, he is teaching me something - the honest truth.

It also explains why I had such a warm feeling for Sinatra. At first I was trying to figure out why Sinatra from Heaven was appearing to me. But it wasn't Sinatra, it was Nityananda appearing as truth.

What "Frank" is saying to me in this vision is this: You are trying to warn someone about Hell. But they can't listen, because the world, the flesh and the devil have him so preoccupied, that he doesn't even hear you. He thinks that he must do what he is doing, but he's being led down a dark road where the DEVIL: (the man URINATING, a sign of disrespect) is waiting for him. The fact that these houses are beautiful, but it is a dark road with someone urinating, indicates to me that this is the world of material concern and status - people trying to improve their lifestyle. But there, to the left, close by, is the chasm of Hell. And there, to the right, the devil is urinating on one of these houses. (All of this earthly attainment will mean nothing when you face the judgment.) The dimness and downward slope says "Hell" also. (If it was dim and went upward, it would be Heaven, as Heaven is darkness to us also.)

The "block"

The block person is a low-minded person. I once prayed to see my Dad's stature in Heaven, and he appeared as a short block, walking by in a procession of tall saints, not even seeing me as I bent downward and said,

"Hi, handsome!"

I saw the great saints before and after him, and they were around six feet tall or more, and he only two feet tall and almost that wide, like a block. My Dad was not an evil person, but he was not a saint, (while on earth, although once you ascend, they are all saints of various degrees of holiness) according to this.

And so a block, is a person of low SPIRITUAL evolution, and stubbornness
against God, like a "blockhead."

The Cellar

Stairs going downward are Hell,
and when it is into a cellar that confirms it double, as the cellar is inside the ground.

The White Cake

This is a wedding cake - the cake of union with God! The gray/white inside reminds me of the most delicious cake I ever ate in my life. It was gray/white like this, home made, and a nice boy brought me his grandma's treat. I think it had white frosting. I was only fourteen years old, and shall never forget how I loved that cake, and the dear boy who brought it to me. This cake is the joy of Heaven, in contrast to the pains of Hell. Here I am showing a "blockhead," the contrast between Heaven and Hell, trying to tempt him with the joys of Heaven.

The Bunch of Girls in Conspiracy With The Thief

These are DISTRACTIONS, which the devil wants me to have. They are asking me trivial and unimportant questions. In other words, they are wasting my time. It so happens that I signed up with an agency as a photographer, and they said they'd notify me of models in my area. I am right now receiving on my e-mail about thirty models a day! This is distracting and annoying, as I might not even need any models at all! Soon my webman will figure out how to turn off these notifications!

The Thief

While I am distracted by these vain things (symbol of the deceits of the world) the devil robs me. Of what? My resources, which are time, energy, focus. He cannot steal the most important things - my MERITS - seen as CREDIT CARDS. This is what I give to God to gain grace. That he is not taking away, thank God!

The Sunglasses Give Him Away

When he returns to get his sunglasses, I know he's the thief. Sunglasses block out the light. The devil and those who are evil are blind to the Light of God, to Truth and Grace. And that is why people commit sin. They do not SEE. They see in darkness, like through sunglasses. (See St. Alphonse Ligouri's writing on "What Hell Will Be like"; how in life, the wicked blind themselves to God's good, but in Hell, they will see nothing but God and will not be able to shut God out, and that will be their greatest torment! Just as here, in this dream the wicked blockhead is robbing me, they choose to see only the temporal goods... Under College of Jesus/Mary/Christianity, What Hell Will Be Like.)

MORAL OF THE DREAMS:

Nityananda shows me what a great price Jesus paid, and I paid to be the spouse of Jesus. Don't waste it on ingrates, on those who cannot receive it! Apparently, this is a lesson I sorely need. I have obviously opened myself way too much to people, and lowered myself to those I should stay away from.

Dream of February 26, 2005

NITYANANDA TAKES ME OUT OF DEPRESSION

I am lying in a room on my back on a bed where the door is to the right. The room is dim and quiet, with no windows, and the colors in the room are black, brown, some reds to the left where I have a mantlepiece and altar. (This is almost like my meditation room and I believe Nityananda is looking at me as I sit on my bed and meditate on him, in real life. The only difference being this room is bright with two windows, but the dark is a symbol of my grief.) There's a soft light from where the altar is and other areas where I have religious artifacts. The room is sweet, pleasant, and sad. Earlier I had been in Church, and a priest, Fr. Frank, is here, sitting by my feet. We are discussing my mental state and feelings. He listens attentively and understands everything. We seem to be speaking in low tones, or perhaps more mentally than anything. He listens and listens to my story. It has to do with the Catholic Church and what I find wrong with it. He gets up and walks around, looking at my icons on the altar and elsewhere. Then he tells me to get up, that I am to leave this room. It is a sort of loving, quiet command and I know I am going to leave with him.

Meaning of the dream:

Nityananda is the priest, and the word "Frank" means the honest truth. He's showing me the honest truth. What it is is that the Catholic Church has kept me in a state of repression and guilt, and this is making me depressed. I was not aware that I was depressed, but apparently this is deep in my soul. It could be one of the reasons the Divine Child of Joy cannot manifest.

When the Shakti of Nityananda enters me, it cleanses me, among other things. It roots out the spots of darkness and depression. If a person has mental blocks, or blocks that resist grace and healing, then that person cannot be free. Nityananda's Shakti is boring deep into my being and he sees and understands everything. He has married me, which means that all that he is has entered me. I am going to be radically changed. These changes I understand, but do not know if I can explain properly. It is sort of like a Soul in Purgatory. They have stains on their soul, which resulted from sin, and these stains prevent them from seeing God and enjoying eternal felicity. A person can have dark spots from other things, also. There is fear, as guilt is fear. If the Catholic Church has put fear into me from early childhood, fear that has not led to freedom but to darkness, then this has to be removed before I can have Bliss. (The farther back wounds are put into a child, the harder to uproot. My Catechism started at age six and I received Confession and Holy Communion at six. It was then that I was first told never to have "dirty thoughts" which I knew had something to do with sex, even though I wasn't sure what sex was. This could be the core of my problem.) No doubt, Nityananda is dealing with this.

Symbols:

The Room, No Windows:

This reminds me of another dream I had about a year ago, where I was standing with a group of people in a windowless room listening to a Catholic priest. Jesus walked by with Mary on his arm, outside in the hall, and called me to come with them. I left the room. This meant Jesus wanted me to leave the Catholic Church because He and Mary were not in it - they were going somewhere else. This is Jesus/Mary leading me to build the new Church, which is on this site. The WINDOWLESS ROOM meant it is a place without vision and opportunity.
This is also a place like that.

On My Back:

This means helpless.

Colors black and brown, red, dim:

No fruit or little reward for this state - this sadness. Little light again means sadness. The only light seems to be coming from the altars, because my only happiness is my prayer life with God. The red coming from the altar represents sacrifice and loss.

The Red:

This might also hint at the following: The altar emanates red, which is good, because it means self sacrifice. Total renunciation brings Bliss, while partial renunciation brings lesser Bliss like the souls in Heaven who receive various mansions, according to their merits. The sacrifice is perfect, because the red comes from the altar with the light, but the sorrow is what is evil. The depression is seen as brown vertical panels of wood on the walls, and much of the wall space painted a flat black.

Father Frank listens and knows everything, sitting at my feet:

To sit at someone's feet is to be attentive and respectful, like Mary sitting at Jesus' feet. Nityananda respects me. But he does not want me to be unhappy. He is the Avatar of Bliss, and after he evaluates what is going on, he is taking me out of this.

Thank you God, thank you Nityananda!

NITYANANDA SADHANA

WRITTEN STARTING MARCH 16, 2005 TO COVER
EVENETS AFTER FEBRUARY 21, 2005

MANY GREAT THINGS AFTER THE WEDDING WITH NITYANANDA INCLUDING HE TELLING ME I AM AN AVATAR. BECAUSE OF HIM, WE GET 234 SOULS OUT OF PURGATORY IN ONE DAY! A RECORD AND A MIRACLE!

I could not write the sadhana for quite a while because first, I got ill with the flu. This lasted about a week. After that, snow fell daily for one week and got me into a such a depression I could not do anything. I am stuck here in the house when it snows, and that made two weeks all alone, no gym, no fellowship of any sort, no one to talk to except the rare people I speak with by phone. (And believe me, these are not intimate, joyful relationships but people I talk to who I used to have things in common with, but mostly, we have grown apart....they want to talk about their thing, I want to talk about my thing, and our things are different. We are not on the same page any more. It isn't fun.)

During this depression, that lasted five days but felt like five weeks, I could not work creatively, and all my chores felt like I was carrying a hundred pounds on my back. I felt angry, and desolate. I knew God was dealing with me, and at the very end, my dreams indicated that God had done something remarkable in my soul, but as usual, God is so dark I could not see Her. All I felt was desolation - being all alone, forsaken, and abject with pain. I saw, as usual, how dark the world is and it was so dismal. The last dream I will relate, that of the 15th, explained it all.

DREAM MARCH 15, 2005

EXPLAINS GREAT GRACE WAS HAPPENING
DURING MY ILLNESS & DEPRESSION

It showed that God had given me new vision, and it was like a new house where I looked from the back, and I could see miles ahead and to the left and right. Miles ahead of me hills started, with semi-arid vegetation and trees. Inside this view was a valley, and from my back yard a wide trench had been dug, and it went farther and deeper. I knew that this work had been done by others whom I could not see (saints, angels of God), and I knew that this entire area would fill up with water and become a lake. The meaning of this is quite obvious, because it is so familiar. Digging is hard work inside the soul. God was digging inside my soul during this depression, to make an opening for a huge amount of grace, the "river" and lake that was soon to be filled up. God wanted me to see underneath the lake first - but the grace was already there. I even saw myself temporarily drown in it, but I got out. That was the depression that hit me as I lost my link with God, while work was under construction. Water, in a setting like this, is grace. The view is of course the vision of my mind - to be able to see more of God's reality.

The second day of this dream I saw my body with so many muscles that muscles grew on top of muscles, like a cartoon. I was posing in front of a mirror, and men began to gather, admiring me. This represents my newfound strength. I have dreams like this many times, and each time I grow, I see a representation of beauty, or muscles, or body hair, or head hair, all of which represent new strength, growth and rays of light. These new men could be angels or saints, or even earth men I've been talking to about building the new Spiritual Center.

DREAM OF MARCH 5, 2005

NITYANANDA TELLS ME I AM AN AVATAR

In this dream I see a little girl, about eight years old, on a sort of stage. Two men are sitting in front of the stage on simple reclining chairs - like those plastic ones you might see, nothing fancy. The little girl is holding an anvil in her hands, extremely heavy, weighing like hundreds of pounds. She is holding it in front of her, with outstretched arms straight out, in front of her face and head, so you cannot see her head at all. She looks like the poster of Moses holding the "10 Commandments" before he smashes them in front of the evil doers, only with Moses, you could see his face, but with her, you cannot see her face or head, as the anvil is in front of her head and face.

The men each has the same type of anvil in his lap. They are so heavy they are hurting, obviously. The man on the left finally can't take it any more, and with a loud groan, he hoists the anvil out of his lap and tosses it aside on the left. This was like a contest. Who would win? The men or the girl? Who could hold these anvils the longest? The girl wins, because the man to the left "broke" and couldn't take it any more. The man on the right it remains to be seen, how long he can keep it up.

WHAT IS THE ANVIL?
MEANING OF THE DREAM.....

The anvil is the energy of the Shakti that courses through the body and ends up, for some, in the Sahasrara. The men whom this girl is standing in front of have their energy stuck on the penis or genital plane. They cannot get past sex, they are stuck on the plane of sex and all their shakti or energy stops there. This is a great and heavy burden, not to be able to get free of sex, and to hold all that weight there.

The little girl is me, whose energy is all in the Sahasrara. The anvil is a symbol of God, and because you cannot see my face or head, means it is all in God. My mind is totally on God. This takes STRENGTH. It is not brute strength, obviously, but it is the strength of a person that has made a million decisions throughout their lifetime to serve God and think of God and love God, and all of themselves are now on God. The energy has coursed through all the human channels and kept going, until they are anchored in this powerful vision of God. So there isn't any "head" or "face" but the idea of God has replaced all there is of this girl.

Of the men that are listening to or watching this girl, one of them realizes this sexual burden he is carrying must go. He "breaks" which is a spiritual breakthrough, and he gets rid of the burden, just tosses it aside. But the other man is still addicted to sex and can't get past it. This indicates that perhaps half the men that attend to me will become free of sex but the other half will take more time.

(Let us note here that the great Ramakrishna, an Avatar, said that a person does not become spiritual at all until his energy reaches the heart chakra, and that is only the beginning of spirituality...this would be what Christians call the "born again"experience.)

Now the dream uses an anvil as symbol of God. Why? An anvil is a foundation on which a blacksmith takes iron stuff, red hot, and bangs it hard into tools. And so, we use God, so to speak, for everything we need. God is the immovable, firm object or Being on Whom everything is formed and shaped, and on which we create all that we need. God is the beginning, or the foundation, or the rock, from which all else comes. This great anvil is Light, and Strength, and Power. But to those who do not want to rise up to God, the weight of God will crush them! It is the rock on which we must break voluntarily, lest it will crush us!

Here one man realizes this, but the other wants to keep his sex drive. Our addictions are like heavy weights, or weapons, by which we eventually will be destroyed. If our bodies are not destroyed, our souls are destroyed by earthly addictions, because we cannot attend to spiritual matters, and our souls deteriorate.

Upon questioning Nityananda as to the meaning of this dream, I asked him why the girl was little, rather than a grown woman. After all, I found God as a grown woman, not as a child. He then said to me,

"YOU WERE BORN AN AVATAR. YOU DID NOT JUST FIND GOD AS AN ADULT, YOU HAD GOD FROM THE MOMENT OF YOUR CONCEPTION...BUT EVEN WITH AVATARS, IT TAKES TIME TO REALIZE GOD IN THEIR CONSCIOUS MINDS FULLY....RAMAKRISHNA DID NOT KNOW HE WAS AN AVATAR RIGHT AWAY...INCARNATIONS OF GOD SOMETIMES FORGET WHERE THEY CAME FROM, UNTIL SOMETHING HAPPENS TO REMIND THEM."

I asked him what kind of an Avatar I was, for what specific mission, and he said that it was many things, no one thing. I reviewed my life and realized that yes, I have not been a one-area missionary, but have worked on earth and also on the other side. And I have been told that my work is just beginning.

I first was told by Ramakrishna (about 1998) that I am an Avatar, but I did not feel certain of this. Once Nityananda told me, I was certain. What is an Avatar? There is no earthly glory in it, I assure you. People equate all with earthly glory, but it isn't like that at all. Like most anointed souls, they suffer commensurate to their anointing. An Avatar is a person who lived all their lifetimes and reached God (which takes thousands of lifetimes), then volunteered to return to earth to help mankind, even though they are fully deserving of staying in Heaven forever. That is all an Avatar is, nothing more, and nothing less.

What is interesting that would never have happened, had I not studied yoga, Nityananda told me, I would not have known about being an Avatar. In fact, Muktananda never told me. Why did it remain to Nityananda, not Muktananda, to confirm this for me? Because "it takes one to know one." Since Nityananda is "The Avatar of Bliss" and I honored or blessed him with this title, he was the right person to tell me. Also, he said in the visions and dreams, we are equals, and we have been united in marriage, and so there is the appropriateness.

DREAM OF MARCH 7, 2005

NITYANANDA, USING ME AS A PARTNER
FREES 234 SOULS FROM PURGATORY

The dream is so long and complicated it would take me an hour to type. I will do that some other time. I saw, as I came to a special house that just got built in the woods, a hundred rabbits turn into white birds and fly away, as soon as I approached. Then another hundred. (This is the first two hundred souls lifted, whom I later understood were Hindus because in another part of the dream, their feast looked oriental, under tents and on rugs, with tall blue goblets for wine.) This new house was run by a humble farmer (Nityananda) and it is like a farmer store. A man came to seek help. Symbolically, he wanted to buy something. Then I saw a vision of a woman with three small children in a car, with a car crash, and all of them died.

This "farmer store" was a place Nityananda built, once we were united. It is a domain where people come, who are praying for the dead. This man prayed for his wife and three children. The prayers are received in this domain, where Nityananda is the boss, but obviously, I am the earthly station. In the dream, I am not close to Nityananda or the man who comes, but I understood the dream because something like that has happened before. There is some great dynamics here, the way that God works. The domain system - where prayers are brought is a specific spot. Somehow, saints must use people on earth to build this station or domain. The prayers being received, the people prayed for are released.

I also saw another group of thirty people in a beautiful white building by something like a pool, all white inside, all with white garments, some having pictures of red poppies on the front, rejoicing and dancing. These were also souls released, making a total of 234, a phenomenon!

Now here you have what happens when you marry a saint. I am also married to Jesus, and when this happens, you bear children. Bearing children means getting souls saved and delivered - saved from Hell and delivered from Purgatory. Now I have two husbands or partners, and these two great Avatars are using me as their stations on earth. That is what marriage means. In union, there is power.

NITYANANDA SADHANA

MARCH 20, 2005 PALM SUNDAY
FIRST DAY OF SPRING... HAPPY SPRING!

DREAM FROM NITYANANDA:
MARCH 20, 2005

Will not put the whole dream, just the meaning of it. Nityananda appeared to me as an aristocratic date. On this date he taught me the following - that the way we are imprisoned in this world is through our lack of understanding and vision, and the way to freedom is to cleanse our mind and vision, and to see God/Truth. He showed me once again that he and I are equals, both Avatars. This is when I was kissing him on the cheek to say goodbye. He had taken off his platform shoes, but I still had mine on, and was taller. Both of us in our bare feet were the same height. His having taken off his shoes meant he is no longer on the cross, but I am still on it. He is enjoying the bliss of Heaven, I am still here suffering.

In another dream, he told me not to pay attention to recognition or fame any more, but to forget about such things. Whatever comes my way will happen of itself. It is time for something new, being a guru! In this amazing dream, he shows me his life in three ages.

In the first age, he is young and thin, and his light blue pants and platform shoes are covered with paint from work he was doing. We were working and it's all over him. He stands at the doorway. I want to help him by giving him new pants and shoes.

In the next scene, he has long wavy black hair. He has taken a vial of thick black dye and a hot comb, and section by section, he is ironing his hair into sort of flat parts, and filling it with black dye, and imprinting on each section, as he irons it down, a square standing on it's edge with four "sticks" or rays coming out of the flat sides. He is getting ready for some woman he desires - like he wants to look great and be great. He has put on a beautiful suit.

In the next scene, I see him again, as an older man. He is going through a hallway, in a hurry, carrying a briefcase. His hair is white, medium short, and he's wearing a beautiful sort of umber jacket with checks. I stop him and chat for a moment, but I have to stop him as he was moving quickly.

In another scene I see Rojer Bannister, the first man to run the three-minute mile, running toward me and past me. I say to him in the moment I have him near me, that he is inspiring.

MEANING OF THE DREAM:

This is to show the ages of Nityananda, and the ages of Rasa, which leads to where I am today. Nityananda has told me, through this dream, to make a decision and get to work on the ashram. This is why today, I have invited people here for July.

In the first age of life, both Nityananda and I opened ourselves to people, and made our mistakes. We got soiled through faults, sins, errors, and misunderstandings. We were on the cross. This is the young, thin, man. He is wearing the light blue of God.

In the next phase, we are imprinting God upon our minds completely, in readiness for the Divine Spouse (beautiful woman) or perfect union with God. The thick black dye is the IMPRINT and the iron, is the will of iron which puts upon the mind the SQUARE (of perfection) with rays coming out of it, and the beautiful, dark garment of renunciation. Here God becomes absolutely imprinted on the mind and soul.

In the third phase is wisdom, which comes with age and experience. We have been with God a long time, and now, we are ready for business! White hair is maturity, the dark suit of umber checks is complete renunciation, and the briefcase and being in a hurry, is we mean business! We are in a hurry to save souls!

There are two scenes of rushing. The one, with the briefcase, and the other, is Rojer Bannister. Here Nityananda is showing me that he and I are moving fast, and things are going to happen soon. He is running toward me and past me, because he, God, is preparing a place. He almost eludes me in the hall, also, but I do speak to him a moment, to show the same thing.

This dream sparked me into action, for whatever it's worth.

I need to reach the people, touch the people, in order to help them! I must not delay, it seems.

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