I go back to the old apartment in Brooklyn where I am trying to show a lady how wonderful it is. Yes, it has much improved, but she is not excited as she sees a few flaws, like the plaster on the ceiling is flaking off. But I am happy with the improvements.

MEANING: This apartment is always the place of purgation and pain. But here, there is less pain. It is a reunion. There is happiness. This is my improved state of consciousness. I am moving away from suffering, and I am happy. But my mentor, Swami, is not totally satisfied.)


We seem to be sort of just sitting around, having Darshan, and a feeling of good here. I am on the floor and a male is sitting behind me, softly embracing and touching me from behind. It is a light, sensual, loving touch but I have no idea who it is. I am mystified. Slowly I turn around and it is a young man who used to be in love with me - 'JJ' was his name. I exclaim,

'Wow! I'm glad it wasn't my father!'

The idea being, this is the touch of a lover and I am really glad it was not my Dad!


MEANING: This exquisite touch of a lover is Jesus Christ. I caught the clue in the 'J' name. I believe I am relieved that God has come to me as 'lover' rather than 'authority figure.' Lover is pleasant and comforting and means I am doing well. Authority would mean something else. So I am relieved that I am on the right track spiritually.


In the room is also another young man, who was the boyfriend of someone else. He is tall and handsome, and I love him. He points to a 'rag doll' in the corner, placed on a little stool. It is natural canvas with some kind of black print on it, and it is a parent doll, with a baby doll just like it sitting in its lap sewed to it.


MEANING: This is probably Nityananda pointing to his relationship with Muktananda, who would be in his lap. (Nityananda was Muktananda's guru, and they were both my gurus.) Muktananda gave me a pair of sandals, which my friend said were to follow Nityananda with. To say 'someone else's boyfriend' might refer to the fact that he belongs to another religion, not my native one, making him a bit more distant than Jesus, in a manner of speaking. The 'black and white' on the dolls refers to print on a page. I learned of them through reading books. I also wrote about both of them on my site and in yahoo groups. He is pointing to that and I think this shows happiness at the relationships. (Guru-baby as he to Muktananda, he to me and Muktananda to me.

What is important here is that I am with my three gurus. Jesus is my 'root guru' and now also the two yogis, this makes a joyful and cozy celebration! We are rejoicing my new state, of course! (The Pope already announced it in a dream days ago, appearing in a Cathedral for Mass in a white sheet, flowing, like a yogi man whose name is Sahaj. So the Pope is the first one to always announce transitions in my family.)





I am visiting a very rich couple. She is standing in their great mansion, which is contemporary. She is in the kitchen, with these beautiful red counters which spread into the middle of the large kitchen. The house just flows in all directions, very open. This woman has what every woman dreams of - she has married a multi millionaire. But it isn't like he lords it over her, or anything. They are both equals in the relationship. And it is a fantastic life. His work is exciting. He has a jet plane and a helicopter and he is some kind of big-time contractor. He has just flown to the middle of the U.S. from here where he was trying to close a deal, and he is back.

He appears as this tall, dark actor who played 'Anwar Sadat, The Man of Peace,' except this man's skin is not dark. He also reminds me of my very handy and handsome carpenter who is tall, blonde and incredibly skilled. This man is phenomenally industrious.

I keep telling the wife how lucky she is, and I myself somehow am gong to be a part of this. She is just sort of standing there and does not seem to realize the magnitude of what she has.


MEANING: This is my Spirit looking at my lower self - which would be looking at soul and flesh.
The husband is Nityananda. Nityananda is my spiritual spouse as there was a marriage in the spiritual realm (as also with Jesus from long ago and this was ratified recently.

My Spirit is trying to get my lower self to understand that I have inherited or received the STATE OF BLISS or NIRVANA and I and Nityananda are One. He is Bliss, I am Bliss. But I am slow to understand or receive it in my lower self.

The red counters signify sacrifices of the past, which led to this present state of spiritual wealth.

The reason I knew this was Nityananda is because of the name - Sadat - Man of Peace. Nityananda is known as Bliss, which is also Peace, and Sadat sounds like Sahaj also.

Of course, Nityananda also has dark skin, but he appears light skinned here to signify much 'light' or illumination.

His job is exciting because he is saving souls and bringing them to Enlightenment!)

The husband just came back because the people he was trying to cut a deal with - orientals - were not sure. At first, they were sure, but then, they began to ask questions.

Sadat said he knew that as soon as they start hedging, forget it. They won't buy so he didn't want to waste his time and came back.


MEANING: This is a warning that this state is only offered to those who are already close to God. (orientals to me signify such people.) And it is important not to hedge, but to accept the property or deal. This is a warning to be open and accepting, and allow this thing to happen, not to hesitate or hedge.


In the next scene, I am staring at a white plastic 'dessert dish' and it has inside it a blue-green poison like what is used on mice. But also, this reminds me of the fertilizer 'miracle grow.' I am staring at this thing trying to figure out something, when I see this worm (not slimy, a pleasant worm) is inside this cup and it has crawled out from under the poison! I want to release this worm quickly and easily and let it get rid of the poison that might have touched its skin. I put some water in the cup and I go outside, and search for the right place to dump the poison and let the worm escape. I figure it out. There is some pavement nearby and it has a crack in it and beyond that, soft dirt and mulch and bushes. If I let the worm out by the mulch, which is on a slight slope, the poison will drain away (I have put water in it) down the pavement and it will dissipate, without hurting any plants. The worm will crawl into the mulch and dirt and get the poison off it, and everything will be fine. And that is what happens.


MEANING: The worm is my human self, as the word 'worm' is used by Isaiah in speaking of the future Jesus during His Passion, 'For I am a worm, and no man.'

As a Catholic who has undertaken redemptive sufferings, I have had a lot. And the recent chronic attacks on the internet are only the latest in a series of many years of pain. Here we say that pain is also 'miracle gro.' This is also taught in Buddhism and Yoga. It says that pain and bitterness is what makes us turn away from the life of the flesh, and so, it cures us of bondage, attachment and clinging. So it is here. The worm of the flesh is released into the ground, where it is buried. The poison of pain seeps away, and there is no more pain and this pain cannot hurt anything living. So here I, the Spirit, release my own flesh into the ground - let it die. I remove my flesh out of pain, rise up out of it, and I am free.)



Both these dreams deal with the Sahaj (Nirvana) state I am in, but am having trouble understanding. My Spirit is trying to make me see how incredible this is but I am acting like 'business as usual.'

The reunion with the three gurus is especially touching. To my knowledge, I have never dreamed of all three of these 'gods' together in one place.

These are great dreams!

For your information: Most people know what the term 'Nirvana' means. It is a form of 'Heaven on Earth' where a person is in a state of Peace and Happiness, away from inner conflicts, yearnings and emotional anxieties. In Siddha Yoga this is called Nirvikalpa Samadhi, and when it is steady and constant the word Sahaj is used - Nirvikalpa Sahaj Samadhi. It is also called 'Moksha.'











© 2004 - 2006 RASA VON WERDER