THE IMPORTANT FACTS -   She is an instrument of God who seeks God above all things, and has received many graces from; Jesus, Mary, and the Holy Spirit. Some of her amazing graces are: Mystical Marriage with God Seeing God Face to Face (twice!) and the Interior Divine Stigmata She understands both Christianity and Yoga. Her Mission is sent by God to empower women, and to restore the worship of God as Mother.

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THE PRIVATE THOUGHTS
OF RASA VON WERDER

DIARY OF A PASTOR

January 3 , 2005

Working on a recent case I'd like to share with you. So many women are with men who are impossible, and this is one such story. Attending to this hurting lady, I channeled four saints to get their input. After all, that is what I do best: Listen to God. I have always steered my own life by Divine Guidance and this has brought me to my present success.

This is the case of Fan and Joe (not real identities.) Joe worked for a University, but was kicked out for fondling a student. He also drinks, and lies, and lies and lies some more. He is cold hearted, insensitive and has no empathy. Because of his problems and his record, he does not work steady, and his wife, Fan, holds down the fort.

Her life is consumed with his delinquent, unloveable, troubled behavior, and somehow, she herself feels responsible for him. She has her own set of problems of childhood abuse and feeling imperfect, but she scarcely has time to attend to this. She cannot figure out what to do with Joe. She's forgiven him a hundred times, and he has deceived her yet again. He's a pervert and woman chaser, hanging out at bars nightly, but always repents and says he isn't doing anything wrong. Dozens of women say they've been harrassed by him, when Fan has sought answers. Fan right now is not sure if she should leave him - but that would make her, she says, a failure. There are many particulars we will skip, as I cannot give away the identity of the couple. I am sharing the story, in a disguised fashion, with her permission.

The first saint that I have channeled is Nostradamus.

CHANNELING NOSTRADAMUS

He's a new friend...I have an aptitude for communicating with those on the other side. Sometimes they come without being bid, but other times I pray to them or think of them and they are linked to my mind. The ones that come to me unbiden sometimes leave unbidden. (When I try and speak to them they become more and more difficult to hear.) The ones I can link by praying or thinking are usually compatible with me and stay as long as I want them, and speak to me whenever I summon them. There are variables in all this - it's not automatic. If I could clearly hear anyone I wanted at any time I would be so busy talking to saints I'd probably not have time for anything else. This takes time and effort, and is not an exact science. Some saints I have a better rapport and link with, some less. Some might not permit me to access their minds because after all, I am not Almighty God and cannot do anything I want to at any time. But Nostradamus and I hit it off. He said that we are similar and he likes me very much. He said I am "deep and intoxicating." He has a great sense of humor, sort of whimsical - not the super-serious mystic he is portrayed at times. He told me his gifts were inborn, like mine. I have learned much about the science of channeling and will more of my findings elsewhere. This is what Nostradamus said for me to tell Fan:

NOSTRADAMUS: "Tell Fan she is not the sacrificial lamb, God is, Jesus is. She is not strong enough to bear the burden of his sins, his faults, his demons. She has to turn his case over to God.

She can have partial success with him but complete success belongs only to God, and it will take the rest of his life to sort it out; if then. Fan is not even sure if Joe is saved. The first and foremost thing we must ensure in helping someone is that they are saved; not to cure them of addictions or bad behavior. A person must be born again, must repent, before anything constructive can take place. Only the grace of God can do this, after she (or someone) prays. If Fan wants to be like her Grandma, who prayed 25 years for her husband to be cured of alcoholism, and then he was, and then they had 25 peaceful years together - tell her this is a new era. Women are not chained to their husbands like they used to be. They have more opportunities. Fan in fact is the breadwinner and can sustain work more easily than Joe, so she can stand on her own two feet. If she is going to be tormented by guilt, however, she will not be happy even if she leaves Joe. She has to get rid of her guilt and her feelings of failure; that she is responsible for everything wrong with Joe and has to fix it all. Look upon Joe as an advanced machine, which is disabled. Say it's a jet plane with millions of parts. How can one mortal fix it all? A jet plane would require hundreds of technicians to work on. Only God can fix a human being! By praying you do not fix every part of the machine, but you bring a person closer to God, and that's all God asks us to do. We cannot do the things that only God can do, and the person themselves, cooperating with the grace of God, can do. The person themselves must work hard for this to take place. They have to come to a place where they understand the need to be fixed. Maybe they have to hit rock bottom. Some people must be arrested, convicted and put into jail before they realize they need help. A lot has to happen between the delinquent and God.

As far as reparatory sufferings, there is a lot to be said for that. It is difficult to decide in what cases we should suffer for others, and in what cases we should not. Fan has to decide if she has to do reparatory sufferings for Joe. My opinion is no, but she can't understand that, because she thinks she has to be the sacrificial lamb for Joe. She needs a great deal of work to be done on herself in loving and appreciating herself, and protecting herself. She needs to do exorcisms for herself and for Joe, and she has to figure out what is causing her weight problem. With oppressive Joe always around, she does not have enough time and energy for herself. How can she fix herself when she is consumed by Joe?"

BLESSED VIRGIN MARY:

"You have to leave all these matters in the hands of God. She has a choice of staying or leaving, and either one is alright. If she leaves him she still has to work on her own interior to find out what it is that she has to straighten out. If she stays with him she should keep him at arm's length and not let his acts overwhelm her. There has to be emotional distance. His sinfulness is strong. Suggest to her to read your exorcism and do exorcisms daily when he's not there - for him and for herself. Pray the rosary at least once daily; that would help tremendously. He is more troubled, but she is also a hurting person. She has to pray for herself. Joe must not consume her. She is at least as important as Joe and the first person we must save is ourselves. Tell her she has my blessings and my love and to pray my rosary AND I PROMISE HER MY GRACE."

JESUS CHRIST SAYS:

"Tell Fan she has my blessings and I died for both her and Joe. I do not expect more of her than what she can give. The words that my Holy Mother said - to distance herself - I agree with. Do not let the transgressions of Joe go deep inside her soul. Find ways to get away from him, even if she continues to be married and lives with him. Find things to do in the evening that are recreational or pleasant. Get out of the house, no matter how hard it is - and it may be quite hard. Church activities, if they are available, are a possibility, visit one or more friends on some evenings. Go out all by herself and have dinner at a quiet restaurant. Do things just for herself. If she joins a gym with pools and saunas, spend quiet time there by herself. She cannot let this man and his needs and pains, and wounds and sins consume her. That would not be God's will. Her entire life should not be consumed by him. Tell her I love her as much as him, and if she gives me more of herself, I love her more than him. I love the most whoever gives the most of themselves to me."

I asked NOSTRADAMUS, who is a humorous man if he can see any humor in this and he says:

"Tell Fan to count all the good things Joe has done for her and given her. Make a list of them. Then make a list of all the things Joe has done that deeply wound and hurt her - his attitudes and actions that are chronic. Then take a look at the contrast of good and bad on the list. If the bad far outweighs the good, in all these years, then it is not Fan's fault, it is something wrong with him. She did not cause the evil in him. To feel sorry for people does not mean that one has to let them hurt us. By marrying him Fan opened herself up to a situation where she'd be chronically hurt by a man who has no empathy, no heart, no love for God. It is doubtful if he has a relationship with God. There is no way he could relate to God and be as cold hearted and immature as he is. If there is any humor it is how funny it is for a woman to take on a man with so many faults. When you look at it, what does she think of herself if she would find tolerable a man with so many faults - a man who gives so little good and so much pain. My advise is that she'd spend more time on her own soul and her own needs, with God and with herself, repairing herself. Tell her she must love herself. When she really loves herself she will see a different picture of all life including Joe and her relationship with him. Divorce is not the only answer. The answer is her own healing. He has to wake up and work on his healing, and she has to work on her own also. You can pray for other people, but God does the healing. We cannot let them put us on the rack and turn the screws. This does not help us or them. If you allow someone to torture and hurt you, you allow them to sin. Letting them lie, cheat and steal and deceive us, and forgive them countless times, allows them to stay in the same behavior. They don't have to change because they are not punished for bad behavior.

What will make him change? Perhaps hitting rock bottom; if he's all alone and no one wants him any more. The people he'd get to be in a relationship would quickly leave him in weeks or months. The most stalwart, tolerant person might give him a year and then leave in disgust. Maybe then he'd

understand that he has to change from the bottom up. This change has to come about with his cooperation. It is who who has to surrender himself to God. We can pray, and we can sometimes take on another person's karma, but what about wasting one's whole life for a delinquent? You can help hundreds of people in your lifetime. But you concentrate on one giant baby, who is so immature, that all he does is harm.

Save yourself and hundreds of others through your prayers and good deeds."

He continues: "On the bad list, will be so many things. Lying to me, deceiving me, pursuing other women. He is not the breadwinner. That's a great blow against a man. Three, he is not warm hearted, loving and empathetic. He is cold, mean, arrogant. What is the good side? He's a man, he's there, he used to give me sex. He tells me he loves me. Is he capable of love? What is his love worth? What is the measure of it? It seems to me he doesn't love himself, his students, the people he was counselling. He's judgemental. He's typical of evil doers that are hypocrites. He's a pathetic heap of problems. Why do you deserve a pathetic heap of problems? When you write this list, this will help you more than anything you have done, Fan," says Nostradamus.

Next I hear from MUKTANANDA:

"Tell Fan that she is like a woman sitting on a horse, with saddlebags on either side of the horse. Those saddlebags are filled with filth and poison. She thinks that by some magic charm she can make that filth and that poison evaporate, but she can't. She wants to believe she can. The filth in the saddlebags is making the horse ill, and it's making her ill. It is making travel to her destination 10 times more difficult. Tell her to throw off the dirty saddlebags. Leave them there in the desert and the dust where God will eventually, through the natural process of time, eliminate the filth and the toxins in those saddlebags. Then she can find her destination, which is her own self realization; her own union and oneness with God - which is hard enough by yourself without having saddlebags filled with filth and poison at your sides. The horse is her vehicle, her way, path, religion and spirituality. The saddlebags with the filth and toxins are what is inside her husband. I'm not telling her she has to leave. I'm saying that this filth is not her responsibility and it is not her karma to carry it. Let him carry it. It's his; it belongs to him. Be indifferent. He's a torturer. If she can be indifferent and stay with him, then stay with him. If she cannot be indifferent, put distance between them when living together, there is no way to save herself but to leave him. If she thinks she's responsible for him, she must get over that. She did not create the filth and poison that is inside of him."

To me, Baba Muktananda said it best! I certainly wish Fan the greatest success and I wish Joe would go to his own greatest good. Hope you enjoyed this case study!

THE PRIVATE THOUGHTS
OF RASA VON WERDER

DIARY OF A PASTOR

December 26, 2004

I have survived Christmas! (Survived Thanksgiving, too!) Survived emotionally as well as diet wise! (Not gained one ounce!)

They say there are more suicides at Christmas than at any other time of year. That is the statistic that concerns me. I am not focused on the majority that have family and friends to be with, but the minority that are alone. I have prayed strongly for them - for I am one of them. For about two weeks before Christmas I prayed:

"Oh, Lord, help the lonely, the forgotten, the devastated - those who have been pushed out, those who have no one close to them, those who are misunderstood. Help those who are physically, financially, emotionally, mentally and spiritually poor. Help those who, although they are with family, they have been abused by them. Help those troubled children whose fathers have sex with them, then share gifts under the tree. Help those who are emotionally, mentally, physically abused but are within family. They cannot be happy. Help those who do not have enough money to pay the bills, much less money for gifts. How they struggle to scrape up enough money for small gifts! (I was there once.) Help those who are sick, with devastating illnesses and handicaps. Help those who have severe mental conflicts and pains, and emotional wounds. Help those with inner tortures. Help the poor!"

For myself, I prayed something I never prayed before. (Annualy I'd be anxious and concerned about having a good Christmas, thinking people were the key. I also thought having an intimate friend was a requirement for happiness. I struggled to gather folks around me. (I do have friends, but they are all far away and we communicate by phone and e-mail.) I took whoever I could get. At the end, even though people sat at my table and received my gifts, there was no return of love! There was no reciprocity. My Christmases were filled with bodies, but not with souls. People ate and drank and left. I spent some good money on one relative who once loved me (a child) but had forgotten I exist. No cards, not even an e-mail greeting. Over the time of fifteen years in this town, I had at least twenty holidays where I had scores of people at my table, but in the end, when I no longer struggled to fete and feed, love and give, I was left alone. What lesson was I missing? What was the message shouting to me from my experience?)

This year I prayed for myself: "Oh God, give me inner fulfillment. Let me like and love myself so much, that I can be happy alone for Christmas".....I no longer pray for an intimate, physically close friend. (A few times I prayed for a friend, and it didn't work)

I understood I was praying for the wrong things. As I prayed for a "happy" Christmas, I was under the impression that PEOPLE could make me happy! But they could not! (In theory, they could, but they don't. Only people with SPIRITUAL LOVE for me could make me happy, but there were none!)

Finally, I awakened to the lesson. I prayed for happiness itself - for the grace of happiness and fulfillment inside my own skin. THAT WORKED! "Too soon old, too late Shmatt," the Yiddish saying goes.

You can't make family like you, nor your neighbors. You have to forget it! (We are not talking about the poor here. I gave to the poor and to charity!)

And so, my Christmas, for the first time in years, was happy. I felt PEACE. I had done little, and I was not drained. For food, it was the simplest, because of diet and who needs the aggravation? (I am losing two pounds a week.) Christmas Eve it was a smoked salmon sandwich. Christmas Day it was a turkey breast I boiled. Half of this was shared with a neighbor who dropped by with a bottle of wine. He stayed less than an hour, but it made him happy. He already had had a big Christmas dinner with other people, but it is me he is in love with. (But I am not in love with him...There is no shortage of men attracted to me, but this does not fulfill the need of my soul.)

I did ordinary things at Christmas, but what had changed was that I did not long for people, nor reach out to them in desperate need. I was content to just see what God would give me just because He/She loves me! God gave me unusual graces.

I got to speak to a woman I knew only be e-mail. She said she was moving to New York and wanted to help me with my work. It sounded sincere. What is unusual is that no woman has ever offered to help me with my mission! In fact, I get almost no e-mails from women regarding my site. It is a rarity for me to have any kind of rapport or sisterhood with a female - because of them, not me. This young woman turned out to be the most intelligent lady of her age (28) that I had ever spoken to. She spent 21/2 hours of her Christmas Eve sharing with me, till her cell phone battery died. We spoke of female empowerment, Matriarchy, art, what is wrong with women toward themselves and each other, what is wrong with Patriarchy and male attitudes, and personal issues. I felt touched by a special grace because a marvelous woman shared her life with me and wanted to join my work!

I watched TV, and saw some pleasant Christmas things, like choirs, and ballet, and even The Sound of Music which I had never paid attention to before. (The Sound of Music made me angry. The thought of an old baron lusting for a young nun and causing her to quit the convent pissed me off indeed. It dawned on me that the song he sang, called "Edelweis," was about her: "Clean, bright and pure."...yes, she was, but was he? Why didn't he leave her clean, bright, and pure? How selfish of men to ever want the clean, pure virgins. He should have married the woman he was engaged to, and let the pure nun give her life to God. After all, God is far more valuable then Mr. Baron. And what kind of Mother Superior was looking out for her? Didn't she know that sending a young nun to a bachelor would be trouble? I scoped out the reality that must have been there,...older, ugly baron...nun, twenty years younger, cute, sweet, innocent)...

I was happy, all alone, by myself.

As I said, I did speak to people by phone, but it wasn't any sort of desperation. A friend named Mark H., who is celibate like me, goes to daily Mass and prays, called me as usual. Speaking to him is always rewarding. He's the one who shares my aspirations concerning Jesus and Mary.

Another interesting grace was the return of Marcus M. Marcus M. was partially responsible for me starting this site (because he listened to me for 2 1/2 months as I called him to Germany, for untold hours, about my beliefs and aspirations, and shared his own love of Matriarchy), although he dropped out from helping. I had not had contact with him for about eight months. I received an amazing booklet from him called "The Sacred Myths and Rites of the Madrians," with a wonderful picture of a Knight worshipping a maid and handing her a crown. The book is marvelous, and I shall put it onto this site. He sent a handmade Christmas card. I e-mailed him but got no answer. (Spoke to him later and the e-mails weren't working....found out more info. on the Madrian Cult.) There is something great about him sending me this booklet, or contacting me at all, because he had left off helping me, but now was back! That has to be a blessing.

Another change to be made was my overindulgence on the weights. Going to the gym four days a week took four hours on those days out of my life, not to mention the monumental energy. Nice people chit chatted with me, and I'd go shopping after. About sixteen hours a week were spent this way, and before I realized it, my contemplative power was gone. In the past the most I went to the city was once a week. I will cut the gym from four days a week to three and spend all my time in the sauna and pools praying the rosary. If this does not bring back contemplation, I will cut it down to two days a week at the gym and one day weights at home. I want to be in shape but I cannot lose the interior life. In the first diary entry I speak about mystical union. This is more important than anything. I will bring it back and balance things out. After a week of warning dreams, I finally broke through that my mystical life was getting eaten up by the weight training schedule and this was resolved. I cannot sacrifice mystical union with God for getting into shape!

I must add one thing about men and their love in this letter. The love of men is not the love of God. Let them lust, let them desire. Don't make the mistake of taking them seriously. One out of a thousand of them may be sincere. The rest is time wasting and aggravation. I hope you women have the discernment to know who to get rid of. They first want your time, your mind, your heart, and then your body. It's all to possess and control you. Be wary of men!...A litmus test to measure your men: If they demand sex, they are evil. Even those who hang around a long time (like years) hoping to have sex with you, are not worth their salt. Tell them you are celibate, and all the horndogs will go away. Some will not believe you and still hang around, as they believe even though you are celibate, you'll make an exception for them. Get rid of all the sex-demanding men and what you have left are the ones you want. I don't mean gay guys, I mean guys that are willing to be friends without the sex. (Even the guys that were e-mailing me, I discovered, were really after sex. It was a feeling of PRESSURE I finally discerned.) Out of these fine men you will find what you are looking for. This is the voice of experience!

RASA VON WERDER SHARES
HER DAILY THOUGHTS

DIARY OF A PASTOR

December 20, 2004

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN UNION WITH GOD IN FACT, AND UNION WITH GOD IN CONSCIOUSNESS

There are two aspects of Union with God. One is not so conscious, and the other is conscious in various degrees. To be in union with God IN FACT is to obey God's commandments, to love God and to do good. Such a person may or may not have mystical union. Mystical union has to do with the INNER FACULTIES OR INNER SENSES. Some people seem to be born with these. But being born with these does not mean they are in full operation at all times. There are seasons of illumination, and seasons of darkness. There are variables in these seasons, such as "Indian summer" in the fall, or especially warm or cold days in winter. In the same way, God appears or dissapears to our inner senses. To be in union with God in the mystical sense requires more than being good. One needs to actually WORK on communicating with God through centering the faculties on God (concentrating or focusing the mind on God) and by meditation and prayer of a type that shuts out the world and people, and brings God into consciousness. If a person does not have time to do this, or does not want to do this because it is hard work, then there is little chance of a powerful conscious union with God.

The sad truth about mystics is that they are usually people who find little joy in this life, and they have retreated and ascended to THE ONE THING THAT IS NECESSARY. They are the people that were discarded, tossed aside by life, perhaps overlooked, live in poverty of physical, mental or emotional states, the people who suffer the most. (And of those who suffer, that turn to God in their suffering.)

Those who are the happiest in this life (or so it seems) and the busiest, don't seem to have time for mysticism. The family, the friends, the job, the social life, the world and flesh seem to keep them occupied. Is this good or bad? It can be bad. Nobody says you should choose misery because it brings you closer to God, but it seems that in misery we do come closest to Him/Her.

I have been through all states, I suspect; happy with people and life, miserable with people and life. Which was better? During the time of my busiest "happiest" times I learned that the world does not fulfill the soul and people do not have love. That brought me back to God. In my loneliness I learned that God does fulfill me completely, during the times of illumination. After going through much Darkness and much Light, I have come to a place which I believe one must arrive at: the place where you are thoroughly engrossed/immersed with God and cannot be moved - while at the same time reaching out to those in the world and bringing them the LoveGrace God wants you to share. At this point, they cannot drag you down, put you in a shallow or vain place, and they cannot sway you away from God. They might annoy you but they can't destroy you! Now you are an effective minister and you really do represent God. Here is one of the most important secrets I have learned in order to be effective and also happy at the same time: (nobody is asking you to be a martyr now.) Talk with people, communicate, BUT DO NOT WORRY WHAT THEY THINK OF YOU. If you care whether or not they like you, you are fettered or frozen in a shallow place, a place of anxiety. When they need you, talk with them and be a friend. If they forget you, let it go. Do not grieve. Be happy in the little things God gives you or in the miracles God gives you. To be centered in God is to also be centered in yourself spiritually (not by any means in the flesh alone) and to be a whole person, a fulfilled person. This sounds like just words but it isn't. Here I draw on Buddhism: Desire is suffering, give it up and you stop suffering.

If you desire each person you talk with to like you, you will worry about whether or not they do. Forget it. Just talk, be loving and kind, and forget the rest. Be a fountain of love to all (with some reservations, let's not go crazy!) and whatever they say or do - think not of it. Each person is a universe and you can't win them all! Many people think I'm crazy because I talk about Souls in Purgatory, mystical experiences and exorcisms of demons. Some new people I met misunderstood what I was saying and think I am strange, wierd and so on, and seem to fear me and avoid me when we are in proximity. I just have to let that go, and be more careful how I word things so they don't get the wrong idea. But if they do think I'm strange, so what? What can they do to me but avoid me? What harm will that do me? I am not for everybody! I refuse to shut myself up in a cloak for fear people will misunderstand me. Am I not the Light (a conduit of God's grace), and the Salt of the Earth? Why hide it under a bushel? I radiate Light, and if the Light is misunderstood, this is temporary. The Light is like seeds that go everywhere, and sooner or later take root. They do not take root in five seconds. It may take a week or even years to germinate. Don't worry. Just radiate Light. Another way of putting it is love everyone. Do good to everyone. If someone is cold and cruel and ignores you, call them. Do not worry what they think of you. Remember the happy nephew and Uncle Scrooge? The happy nephew always blessed Scrooge, and pitied him. (I am not saying this is easy, PRAY for the grace to be like this, because in this grace, YOU will be happy!) Finally, Scrooge came around and joined their festivities, saying,

"Can you forgive an old and foolish man?" (something like that)

I am not sure if I'm big enough to call ALL my "enemies," (By enemies I mean those who it seems SHOULD care for me, but do not...and on another note, it may not be appropriate for one to reach out to all those who hate them...Consider Jesus going to Caiaphas, the High Priest, who intrinsically hated him out of jealousy, and others who hated Jesus because they hated Truth and Love...imagine Jesus approaching them and like some Polyanna, saying, "Hey, friend, how's things going?") But I must not hate them in my mind! (Mary harbored no hate for those who tortured and crucified Jesus...She knew it had to be.) This would cause absolute misery! I will look upon them as Scrooges who need the AWAKENING OF THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!