FEBRUARY 28, 2005
PASTOR'S LETTER

MEDITATION - HOW TO DO IT

As I meditate daily on the Avatar of Bliss, Baghwan Nityananda, and getting good results, I think with pity upon those who are not meditating, and those who are trying but having trouble doing so.

The first thing I'd like to assert is that persistence in a thing will make it right. At first, you may fail in getting the results you want, but don't give up. Like anything else, practice makes perfect. Let me give you an example.

Right now, instead of dancing to oldies for my aerobics time, I decided to do ballet. What? Yes, ballet. I am not a ballerina, but someone sent me a copy of the Kirov's "Sleeping Beauty." It inspired me so much, and I loved the music so much, I thought that it would be great to try and imitate the dancing as best I can. Naturally, my movements are a slight fraction of what is going on at the Kirov, (I am dancing every part!) but nevertheless, I am learning and improving. After a few hours of this, I project myself into the future, like a year from now, still imitating ballet. Already I have learned many new postures for body and especially arms and hands, and how to move them. If I persist, I believe I'll be more graceful, improve my posture, move my body in better ways whenever the occasion arises. (I think, is this not better than a treadmill? Am I not learning a skill as well as just moving?) Shall I despair because I cannot do leaps and all the intricate moves? If I do I will not move on, but persistence brings improvement. A year from now I may put on a good outfit and have someone videotape me practicing. If I look better after five hours, I should look pretty good after fifty.

This is how meditation works. Whatever your level of efficiency is, no matter how bad, it will improve. If you do it not there will be no improvement.

What is the enemy of meditation? What is the thing that makes it most difficult? The first thing - that never gets you up to bat - is the excuses of why you can't do it. The second problem, that keeps you from getting to first base, is the thoughts. Thoughts of distraction are the enemy of meditation. You will have to resist these thoughts, and that is the skill of meditation. Meditation is the combating of all that stands between you and God; the distractions, the memories, the desires, the pressures of what you think you must do, and even the duties of what you MUST do but should for the time being, forget. (Meditation is the first step to contemplation. Contemplation comes after you are proficient, and it comes by the grace of God once you have put yourself out of the way.)

You must be in love with God as your Greatest Lover. I know how easy it is to make time for the person or thing you love. Think of whoever or whatever you love the most, which gives you delight. Is it easy to make time for that? Somehow you manage. You could be in the midst of crazy activity, but when the person you love, or think is important, e-mails you or calls you, you are available. That is because that image of delight is top priority. God has to be like that.

Your enemies stop you from meditating and they try to mess it up. Those enemies are a constant and they are all that will keep you from Heaven and take you to Hell: The world, the flesh and the devil. Distractions, desires, pressures, ego-based needs, vanity and pride activities are all the broad highway to Hell. Satan does not have to get you to kill anyone, just keep you in ego, pride and distraction, and he's got your soul hooked.

Even great souls have to resist and fight back these enemies. Satan, in fact, spends most of his time tempting Holy Souls, not the wicked. He owns the wicked and knows it's just a matter of time. (Although there is always hope.) The Holy are his enemies and the ones that will steal souls from him; it is they he must try and conquer.

You must understand that if you have a good disposition leaning toward God, Satan will try ever harder to distract you. Don't let him.

Dwell upon your relationship with God as the most Sacred, Holy, and Joyful time of your life. Never mind that you don't always feel that way or meditation isn't yet bringing results. IT WILL. GIVE IT TIME.

I have personally been meditating a lot since the late sixties. Before, I did prayer, on and off, since the age of six. But in the late sixties, I began study of yoga and therefore, meditated. I learned by doing, by practice. You don't get it out of a book, not one that I know of. There is no formula that will make a quick return. It's all between you and God, how much time you put into the relationship.

Does this long time in practice guarantee that I will always be able to meditate and get results? No. It is a seasonal thing. It's like the tide or the moon. Results, for me, come in phases. I always do my duty, which is prayer and Holy Communions. I try and meditate, but sometimes, it simply does not work in the sense of a return. But sometimes, it does work. Why not work? Why work?

If I could give you an absolute answer, I would. But I can only guess. Sometimes, it is the season for darkness and you cannot see God or be in the state of "illumination." I've been through that for years. After the Divine Stigmata, I was in darkness for most of eighteen years...no joke, that was. When the Light came back, Life came back. I'd been spiritually dead (to the senses) all that time, with only Faith and Hope to keep me alive. Love? Where was it? I was a normal soul with desires, but did not feel God's love at all. God's love had been obliterated when the Heart Chakra burned up in the Martyrdom of Interior Stigmata. The Stigmata is a whole "nother ball game, which few of you will attain. (As you get closer to God, you will suffer more extremes...but perhaps, in the end, all extremes will be banished and you might get what I call one or more of the "final" states of Bliss. These states of sublime and supreme union are described by Saint Mary of Agreda in "Mystical City of God, - the Coronation." It talks about abstractive, intuitive vision, given to Holy Mary as consolation for living many years on earth without Her beloved Son.) You cannot withstand such extremes in the beginning; that is why God will not give them to you. But darkness follows Light just as surely as night follows day, until you reach a place of "final Nirvana." Your meditation will "prosper" sometimes, and at other times, will seem not to.

Both the "prospering" times and times of dark are growth. In fact, during the dark is when most of the "growth," (which is merit) occurs. Consider the tree which even when it's forty degrees outside, is growing roots.

They say that meditation brings peace and serenity - but that is only in the times of Illumination. In the dark times, you will feel disappointment, starvation and sorrow, even anxiety. It is the rocky road of love.

Back to square one. Right now, my meditation is "working". Why was it not working at other times? The season wasn't right. But the season came, and the Spring brought Nityananda. My soul waited for Spring, and there it was. The "Song of Songs" uses agriculture and earthly love to explain spiritual states, up to the highest states of Divine Union. St. Thomas, the Angelic Doctor of the Church, had the Song of Songs read him on his deathbed, hearing these words of ecstasy at his dying breath. It isn't tantra, the mixing of physical and spiritual love, it is the highest union of the soul with God. It is beyond the peace of Bliss, it is Ecstasy and a taste of Glory.

I have had experiences of ecstasy and Glory, but don't expect these every day. In a lifetime many could be twenty.

I know people don't believe I've tasted Glory, but I have. There are a lot of charlatans and misfits out there who are deluded and confused about where they're at. Recently a man spoke to me, and said many outrageous things about his attainment. I knew the level he was at by listening, and he was totally confused. He thought he was on the highest level there is - but how would he know? He was beginning to feel intimations of God and was personally channeling the God within him, which is a state I was at in 1971. But this man thought he was in Glory, and that when I saw God, I saw him - this man who was speaking to me. He described his physical body to me and asked me was that what God looked like? I felt great pity for him. After listening to many such outrageous statements, I could understand how the general public thinks all mystics are whacky. It's the bad ones that give the authentic ones a bad reputation.

Please see the yoga section on the Nityananda Sadhana to see how I am doing spiritually right now. You will learn much! For souls who are on the highest path, there is scant little original new information. This is esoteric indeed, as most souls are either on their way to Hell, or beginners in the spiritual life. If you want to advance, you need this knowledge. The world is still being nourished by the Medieval Saints - St. Gertrude the Great, St. Francis of Assisi, St. Clare, Saint Bonaventure, St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross. This shows that spiritual attainment has actually dropped rather than increased, since there is so little new achievement in this area. (I believe the allurements of the world have taken people away from Mystical attainment.) That is why what I am giving to the world is so valuable and rare. So few souls reach these states. I am happy to share what I know with you at no charge. Save yourself and the world!

FEBRUARY 25, 2005
PASTOR'S THOUGHTS

Since the 16th of February I've been working on a "sadhana" with the Avatar of Bliss, Nityananda. He and my sadhana journal are on the yoga page. It is turning out fruitful and delightful. The Avatar has married me!

I want to explain just a bit about this - as much as I understand. The sadhana is something you do where you concentrate on a saint, who becomes your guru. This attempt - to be one with a saint or guru - may not always work, nor work at all times exactly as you want it to. For instance, at various times, I have spent some time praying to Saint Mary of Agreda, with nothing happening I could discern. Then I prayed to Saint Padre Pio, and got some results, but not as vivid as that with the yoga saints. When I sat before Our Lady of Guadalupe's Tilma a half hour a day, I dreamed of her nightly. But when I simply pray to Mary to a regular statue, rarely does anything happen. I also pray to Jesus daily, for months, and nothing happens. Yet at certain times, like last year before August, I really concentrated on Him and before I knew it, on August 24, we had OUR SECOND MARRIAGE.

The question is what is going on here? What have we summoned? How do these things work? Personally, my questions might be different than yours. I'd like to really know why is it that certain sadhanas have results, and others, you do not see the results, at least in a tangible way.

One answer might be this: After I have had my signal (important) graces from Jesus - and our affair has been consummated by some High Sign, then there isn't anything else to accomplish for a while. There can be more high points, or moments of union, but since we already got married, we can't keep getting married every other day. Each time you marry, it shows a quantum leap in union, kind of like going to the moon.

But each Mahatma (great soul) has something DIFFERENT to give. Yes, they are all one in God and all are great, but they have different gifts to give. It is also true that Jesus has all the gifts Nityananda has, but I have an easier time seeing Nityananda as the Avatar of Bliss, than I can see Jesus that way. I will admit that I see Jesus as the spouse of my sufferings and of my Stigmata. I love Him and Him crucified! It is just hard for me to see his Resurrected state, the state of Glory, as easily as it is for me to see His crucified state. I have labored my whole life to compassionate Jesus with His Passion, to join up to Him on His Cross, that now, that is the Principle way I see Him. I know I should be able to see His other side, but I am a frail creature, and it is difficult for me.

Now Nityananda I have from the very beginning seen as a Blissful Soul, through the eyes of his favorite disciple, Muktananda. As soon as I think of him or see his picture I relate to his bliss. Now that I know him better, and have channeled him, I do understand that his renunciation was of the martyr's level - the deepest there is. But I do not think about his martyr's torments, I think only of the way he was afterwards, in the Ashram, radiating Bliss.

There is nothing wrong with praying to different saints, even of different religions, and doing sadhanas to them. Check out the life of Ramakrishna, on this site and elsewhere. He was famous for becoming an adept at many religions and disciplines and became a saint of each one!

The great news is that not only has my sadhana become a success, but Nityananda has married me! He told me that marriage is the highest union of two souls, and it means he gave all of himself to me - not just his gifts but all of himself. The story is on the yoga page, and it is a continuous story, as the sadhana has just begun!

Marriage is the union of two mature souls. It belongs to souls that can work together for the betterment of mankind. I have been through this before in my betrothal to Jesus in 1978, then marriage to God in 1982, and married to Jesus again in 2004. There is no other soul that I am aware that I got married to except Jesus - but now this. I am reeling from wonder and shock and trying to understand what this means. I now channel Nityananda:

"It means that you were ready to receive me totally and completely. You had been trying for many years to attain a great yoga status, to be not only a Christian saint, but a yoga saint. That was not easy for you as your culture is different and you did not have the gurus nor the materials on which to base your discipline. But luckily, you knew about me. You had a head start with Ramakrishna and Muktananda and other things you had studied over the years, the best being your union with Muktananda. When you sat down to honor me and worship my image and meditated but a few minutes, I came down from Heaven to join you. Within a day I had married you, and you saw it unfold in your dreams.....Lest people think this could happen to them instantly, think again. It resulted from your lifetime of sacrifice and commitment. You had been preparing for, say, forty years.

"What this means now is that I have permeated you with my grace, my presence, my bliss, my gifts, and all the Divine Radiance of my being. I left nothing back and was able to give you all of this because of your mortification. If a soul is not mortified, they can only get these things piecemeal, certainly not the whole package. If they are attached to the world, to people, to things, to sex, addicted to bad habits, etc., they could not receive this.

Let them know that God and saints would bless them at any given time, but they are not ready. If they made themselves ready, they would receive.

"You are puzzled, Rasa. Think of Ramakrishna. It is like that. You wanted to be a yoga saint, but could not become one until you were anointed. God told you that the sadhana with Muktananda did not turn you into a yoga saint, and you were depressed about that. It wasn't possible at the time, because you soon underwent crucifying traumas and could not stay in meditation. But now, it was time. Congratulations."

I thank Nityananda with every fiber of my being and now ask you to check the story on the yoga page.

FEBRUARY 19, 2005
PASTOR'S THOUGHTS

First, a correction on the interpretation of the dream of February 16. It is a LIVING WOMAN and I know her. Yes, it is about abortions - but about the multiple, unrepented abortions she has had. She has also had severe problems with her four children, as the state has taken them away from her. I had no idea this was about her and interpreted the dream as you saw it - but the next day God showed me her again, as in the dream and in real life, and I saw the reality. Indeed, she has carried on as if she is a nice person, even a victim, but I knew about the many abortions and they troubled me deeply. She carries on as if she's never done anything wrong.

I might have guessed it was a person I know - as most of the souls which I have helped save from going to Hell have been present or past friends and acquaintances. This is the first woman in recent years prevented from going to Hell. I am delirious with joy over it! Now I assume the two attendants taking her "to prison" are angels not taking her to the Purgatory on the other side, but the Purgatory of this world. Indeed, I have been shown recently a few times, that for some, life on earth is a Purgatory which is paying for their sins. They are reaping what they have sown, living their karma. Amen to that!

A New Sadhana - The Great Guru of Bliss, Nityananda

I will give you a little taste of what I'm doing now, and then refer you to the yoga page to hear the rest. Recently you've heard me complain about what pain in the necks people have been to me. I needed release from this and felt that the ideal person for me to turn to is someone I know, (in Heaven) but have never done a "sadhana" with. He is the guru of Baba Muktananda, and Baba has spoken of him with the highest regard. I have never turned wholly to Nityananda as I felt in some way I'd be unfaithful to Muktananda. Silly. By turning to one of the Catholic saints does not mean we are being unfaithful to Jesus or Mary. I shored up my confidence by reminding myself of the times, in the last two years, when Nityananda appeared in dreams with Muktananda, Nityananda having a conflict or disagreement with Muktananda, because Muktananda wasn't helping me enough. It was my own fault. I misunderstood the directions of Muktananda and thought he told me to stay with Jesus, but that was not what he said. But I thought he had, so I had not prayed to him for years, nor honored him. Understandably, he wasn't helping me! But I was a lost Siddha, needing their help, in the area of yoga. Nityananda stepped in a few times when I was trying to make some audio tapes defending yoga against Catholics who were tearing it down. He also stepped in at other times. Remembering this, I thought,

"I need a new saint to come close to for this particular problem."

My problem is that I must stay in a place of peace and serenity while dealing with the public. I must stay aloof, with my mind on God, while dealing with people of the flesh and who are not fully evolved yet. The thing I recall most about Nityananda, as Muktananda described him, was that he was a saint, "always in a state of bliss." (Mind you, this does not mean one is in ecstasy all the time. It means that one is, most the the time, aloof and abstracted in the presence of God and nothing of the earth bothers them. Occasionally, Nityananda would get angry and "beat" one of the guys. It's not like you're drugged up and out of it. Things can make you mad. But most of the time, he was in his blissful "trancelike" state.) This was what I needed. Mind you, I have earned the right for such a state, but I have had trouble managing it.

For the rest of this article go to the yoga page under
NITYANANDA SADHANA

FEBRUARY 18, 2005
PASTOR'S LETTER

THE APPROPRIATENESS OF E-MAIL

Thank you for wishing to contact me on the Woman Thou Art God Site. I'd like to explain the kind of letters that are welcome, and those that are not. The kind that are NOT welcome are men who address me as a beautiful woman, seeing me as a physical person they would like to possess, get to know. I am not your future girlfriend; I am your guru, if you are capable of learning. Please do not send me any "fan mail" type communications.

About women or men who need therapy: You may send me one e-mail, asking for prayer, and that will be it. I will pray, and you will receive whatever I have to give. In the past, I have gotten inveigled with persons needing help, who caught me into their quagmire, so to speak, and pulled me down into the pit they are in. That is not going to help me, or you. I have to remain as I am, a person vertically linked with God, in a place of peace, love and serenity. I can send you the Light that God has given me, but no more. I cannot sit here hours a day e-mailing people back any more, responding to their day to day pains, caused by years of incorrect living, delusional thinking, poor decisions and addictive behavior. For this, you need a therapist or friend. The therapist is paid, the friend hopefully receives some benefits from you.

What I have to give you is on the site. Are you reading the articles? I suspect that most of the people e-mailing me are glancing at the titles of the articles and looking at the photos, but few, if any, are thoughtfully reading the articles and trying to take their advice. If people would only do so, they would have what they need to improve their lives.

I have spent a lifetime of self-discipline and sacrifice...have you? This site is the culmination of my work. I am putting my time, energy and money into this - all that I have. Now I get e-mails where this isn't enough. They just glance at the articles, and e-mail me their entire life story, asking me to get involved with their pains, and NOT EVEN LISTENING TO THE ADVICE I GIVE THEM!

These people, so far, who want help have not done one iota for the Church, nor I suspect, do they ever intend to do anything for the Church. They are simply engrossed in their problems and simply put - want to use someone for help. May I remind you that in a yoga ashram Prasad is given. Everyone who arrives brings a gift, however small, and puts it on the table. They bring food, flowers, beautiful cloth, perfume and incense, and other such articles, which are distributed by the guru to the needy and to the friends of the ashram. So far, on this site, not one person writing for help has contributed one iota of anything. Not a single person has bought an audio tape (from which they could learn more) or offered to promote the site.

I am drawing the line here and explaining to you who I am. What I am here for, to you, is to help you get closer to God, to reach your self-realization or sainthood. Some of you are far from that, some closer. If you are so far from God that you do not even read my articles, you have no business writing to me, asking questions, or arguing with me. If you have read the articles, meditated on them and even practiced what they preach, then your thoughtful, respectful letters are welcome.

I have a full-time ministry. In this realm my number one clients are the Souls in Purgatory. The second priority is saving souls from Hell. The third priority is this - reaching the living with the truth, and helping them attain Union with God. The entire world is filled with information of how you can get closer to God, and so, I am not your only hope. (Check out the book on the saints, and on mystical theology from the Catholic Church.) But in Purgatory, few people reach them. That is why they are number one. On the second issue, I am a mystic/contemplative, and it takes that sort of a person to run these types of ministries. Few people have my Gifts. I am afraid some of these Gifts are being wasted on the public, like giving Pearls to the Swine. I am going to be extremely selective, from now on, on who I get involved with from this site.

Remember - I am your guru. I have given you a site, from which you can learn for free. Read and learn, and pray. Do what the articles tell you regarding prayer and mystical union. Then, in the right frame of mind and attitude, write me.

FEBRUARY 17, 2005
PASTOR'S THOUGHTS

Glory, glory, Hallelujah! The most wonderful dream this morning explained to me that my suffering has borne fruit. I knew it would, and said so. But it resulted in a grace I did not imagine. God gave a woman who was apparently dying, the grace of repentance so she would not go to Hell!

My dreams are almost always symbolic rather than literal, so interpretation is the key. Some mystics see things AS THEY ARE. For instance, Maria Simma actually sees the soul from Purgatory appear to her and speak to her. They look just as they were in real life. But my communication system is in dreams (most of the time) and it takes another gift, the gift of interpretation, to discern what they mean.

In my dream, I go to a Catholic church, and to my surprise, they are showing a movie of the life of a woman - a very evil woman. I sit down and watch this woman pretend to be a respectable, normal person. She is up in years and has children all around her, whose hands she is holding, laughing with them as she walks outside somewhere. Everyone thinks she is wonderful. Her hair is a gray/blonde.

But then I see the reality, and it is ferocious. I see implements of torture that she uses on children. I see handcuffs with hooks, or points, where something tells me she hooks the children on these points and hangs them up. Then I see where one child is buried under floorboards. The evil woman goes by there to hear if there is any noise inside, in case whoever is in there is moving. She hears nothing even after she taps on the floorboards. The floorboards are on top of a sort of wooden stage, and the end of the stage seems to me like it might be some sort of an altar with flowers. (This shows great hypocrisy, to hide evil under the guise of good.)

But another woman goes to those floorboards and hoists them up, and while she is holding them up, a small child looks underneath to see if there is anything there. Finally it is discerned that there is a creature in there, completely covered in blood. First it looked like a mound of sand, then a body of a chicken, all feathers plucked, moving it's little wings.

Finally, it becomes a small pig, and revives, and comes out and walks away with the little girl. It is completely covered with blood, every bit of it, but it will survive. (I sense this is not a pig but a child...have not yet figured out why the symbols of chicken, pig. The creature completely covered in blood shows injury rather than normal birth, as I have already guessed this is about abortion.)

Then I am standing in the lobby of the church, and am shocked to see, across from me, the evil woman, only when she was younger. She is tall, thin, has dark hair and wears a black dress. She stands facing the altar of the church, but is looking right at me, turning her head to the right. Her face looks Semitic. I look at her and we lock eyes, and while we stare at each other I feel her horrible evil. I discern she is demonic.

She stares at me with a sinister and cynical sneer. I then call the names of Jesus and Mary. The moment I do this, she is kneeling by my lap, her head down, and I am sitting. I then begin an exorcism,

"Let God arise!".....(See exorcism under "How to Build a Church.)

When I have completed the exorcism, two attendants come and each takes her by the arms and leads her away to prison, out of the church.

I was shocked that someone so evil was just standing there without any police guarding her.

Interpretation: I feel this woman - the most logical guess - was a kitchen-table abortionist. She did this in her younger years (the way she appears to me in person) but it was secret. She has done her evil secretly, and has enjoyed a reputation as a decent, normal woman. (There is a chance she was a child-torturer and murderer, but I find this to be far fetched.) The handcuff-hook seems to me could be a symbol of a tool used to go up to the womb, injure the child and pull it out.

(This dream shows the extreme evil of abortion...the fact that professional doctors do it legally does not make them any better than this woman, it seems to me!)

What happens is that God permits this woman and myself to make contact, and through my calling on Jesus and Mary and then doing the exorcism, this woman repents of her evil. The demon or demons leave her. She is then taken by angels to Purgatory instead of Hell! What a wonderful grace God has given her and me! I am now so grateful for the suffering, and it seems so small in comparison to the grace received! Three days of misery as compared to a person spending eternity in Hell is very little. But not only is Hell avoided, this person will now be in Heaven forever, (after paying her debt.)

Thank you Jesus, Mary, all the saints and angels! Thank you Holy Mother God!

FEBRUARY 16, 2005
PASTOR'S THOUGHTS

IS EARTHLY LOVE FOR REAL?
HOW TO GET OVER THE PAINS OF THIS WORLD

Today in prayer, I spoke with some of my favorite saints and Avatars, concerning the sorrow and pain I have been in, and later, I will speak about love in general, and what God tells me about that. First, I spoke to Baba Muktananda and his guru, Nityananda. (see yoga section)

I asked Muktananda how does one get over disappointment of this earth, and seeming failures.

Muktananda: "Don't be afraid of the failures.....leave this world and go inside where God is and ALWAYS be aware that you are where God is - the WITNESS CONSCIOUSNESS." (see yoga section.)

Nityananda: "Do not forget that you are the Spirit, not the body, and do a mantra on that when you forget. Sit and meditate daily. You notice that when you have not meditated and prayed a lot, that is when things hurt. It's because your mind has sunk down just a tiny bit, and that tiny bit of being at one with the world and people has given you a wallop."

Rasa to both gurus: "I feel that I was sort of tricked by God on my promotional campaign that failed, as I thought God told me in a dream to be aggressive and follow that path...but it seemed
a total failure...was God punishing me for something, or wanting me to suffer a bit?"

Nityananda: "God never punishes you that way. It was your own doing. If you had sat down and meditated for a while on that course of action you would have found that being aggressive did not mean necessarily in that way. There could have been other paths of positive action. Nevertheless, it is not a complete failure. Be assured that good things will come out of the work you did, in time. Do not grieve."

(When I referred to both gurus, I noticed that Muktananda deferred to Nityananda, as that is the protocol; to submit to the higher authority... indeed, there is good manners in Heaven!)

I asked Holy Mary about my present depression. She said:

Holy Mary: "Always look ahead in your faith to the PROMISES of God. Make a list if you wish. ("You will win everything" was one!) And after you have won everything and all your work is done ("I will come for you when your work is finished," Mary said once) we will all be here welcoming you into Heaven!"

Our Lord: "Don't expect anything from people or the world. When help comes it'll be like a miracles wrought by God. All your help will come by my grace and the grace of God by way of angels and saints. People have nothing to do with it! Individual people - when you must help them - don't let them irritate you no matter how ignorant they are. Don't judge them, just move on.
As far as having no "equals" or "similars" to talk to you - you have the Gift of channeling. You can talk with the like-minded in Heaven. USE YOUR GIFTS."

Padre Pio: "Don't think about her." (referring to someone who has disappointed me and let me down.) I will deal with her. I will give you my strength."

God Within Me: (About earthly love): "Tell them they are wasting their time seeking the love of mortals. Their time will be well spent seeking God."

IS EARTHLY LOVE FOR REAL?

I do not want to make this a long article, as you could write volumes about it and not get any closer to the truth which is quite simple.

What is it that makes humans yearn for earthly love? Is it worth it? Should we control this? I have seen myself and others practically killing themselves over it, just totally devastated and in despair when someone doesn't love them. People literally go insane, in the sense that they do senseless things when despairing of love. They go bonkers, bananas, have nervous breakdown, and talk about killing themselves. What is all this about? Is it all nonsense, or is there any meaning to it?

God Within Me (hereafter referred to as GWM): "Remember the Stigmata. You were in the highest place with God you had ever been in. You were on Cloud 9, a kind of peace and light, where you needed nothing and no one. Then you prayed for the Divine Stigmata. In order to give you this grace, God allowed your mind to sink down to a mortal man. This was not something you needed emotionally or sexually, because you were above that. But God permitted it to give you the grace. You looked at a picture of Tom Selleck and you fell in love, and the devastation began. Your heart swelled up with love, and what grief and embarrassment to you! After you went to Hawaii to try and meet him and failed, God used man #2 - the Marine - to continue your quest for love. He was scared out of his wits when you "fell in love" with him. It was a Divine Fire that God lit, but it was centered in men, not God.

How easily, then, God stigmatized you by allowing all your strength, all your heart and mind, to focus on this marine, whose soul you were trying to save. (It started with Tom as plain infatuation, but ended with a mission for the Marine. See the e-book on this site on The Divine Stigmata.) To have all one's faculties on something of the world is a dangerous place to be. To be centered in desire to something or someone of the world is a guarantee, sooner or later, to crash and be broken. It may not happen right away, but in time, the things of the world and the relationships of the world all come to naught. Do not let your mind ever be on them and practice your Buddhism."

Rasa: "I understand what you are saying, but it is mysterious how God allowed that for a Divine Grace. Most people would not understand that. I do, but people won't. They will be confused....it seems so contradictory, for God to do something to me, or allow something, that is usually not prescribed."

GWM: "God does not prescribe Christians to be tortured and killed, and yet God allowed it. Now they are in Heaven wearing beautiful colors, crowns, jewels of Martyrdom. The great martyred saint is greater than one who was not martyred, all things being considered. There weren't any coliseums handy at the time, so God allowed your martyrdom to come in this fashion."

Rasa: "Now to make an analogy between my Stigmata and those who desire earthly love and fall into despair because of it - please explain that."

GWM: "You cannot mess with the free will of another. If the other person does not return your love, it is too bad. You can't make them do it. You have to move on. But yearning for it causes a person to just burn themselves up. Obviously, this is a bad thing to occur, but used wisely, it can lead to wisdom. You must stop desiring people to love you. You have to take it easy. See if they reciprocate, and if they don't, back off. You absolutely must not yearn for people's love. That is perhaps the greatest source of pain on this earth."

Rasa: "But the truth is, it will never stop, will it?"

GWM: "It will never stop....but tell your followers to put all their love into God, and they will be rewarded. And this is a rebuke to you also to give yourself to God daily and do not look back to the vomit of wanting people to reciprocate. They can't. They are too low minded, seeking after the flesh. Let the dead bury the dead. Like Jesus said to you, pray, channel, and then write. If you want to teach people, set the example. Muktananda ran an Ashram and did not yearn for people to love or like him. He stayed alone, after he was anointed, for long periods of time. You are alone also, and just accept it. Do not grieve or get angry that there is no one to talk to. All they do is drain you, anyway. They are crazed with their earthly confusion, desires and delusions. Stay who you are, do not lie down with pigs or you will be dirty."

Nityananda: "My daughter, Muktananda told you how I was. Start being like that. You were like that once, but you keep bending down to help crippled people, and somehow, they pull you into their pit. Don't let them. I was aloof and spent long hours just sitting in my chair saying nothing. I was inside myself, inside my soul, communing with God. They wandered about, basking in my power, but they were not there. I did not lower myself to chit chat with them about nonsense. (As soon as they talk about nonsense, cut them off. Be silent. Hang up the phone or don't e mail them back....you are wasting your time listening to long life stories. Enough is enough.) I stayed in a place of Bliss, like Muktananda told you. You can do that easily. You are there. I will help you more than I have been, because you need and deserve it. You have suffered long enough. Now start being more aloof and centered in your Self. It will solve 99% of your pains! Remember how you read that people would come from Bombay and be perturbed that I would not talk to them! If I had, I would have lost my contentment, my bliss, and I would have been not the man I was. You are like that also; a person of bliss. The bliss is inside you. Stay there. Whenever you are pulled out by desires or people's problems, you suffer things you should not feel. I am not saying not to help people. Help them without being personally pulled in or distracted. Just refer them to God as you meditate, that is the best thing to do and all anyone can do. What you tell them from the flesh they all rebel against because they are too weak to do it, and then they hurt you because you feel rejected. All these people who come to you have karma. You have none. Don't let them pull you into their karma, because their karma is for them to live out, not for you to live out. Let them take their pain and their punishment, and they will learn. You learned, now it is their turn. You cannot carry all their diseases for them! Let them live out their own diseases.....Tell them to read your site, and they will learn all they need out of it!"

With Nityananda having the last word, I bow out of today's words. Please read more about him on the yoga page.

P.S. Moments after typing this, I suffered one of my two or three times a year chest spasms. I was in great pain over half an hour, then when it went away, I felt calm and cleansed. I know that these attacks come as a result of my own feelings and thoughts. Always after emotional pain over what people have said and done to me, especially rejection.

These attacks vary in intensity. The worst are when I get such severe indigestion that the chest spasm plus the indigestion tortures me on and off for many hours. This is 100% emotional. It was my own fault; no ones fault but my own. The remedy for this is just to simply do what God has taught me and what I have promised God to do: Not to care what people think or how people react to me. Not to open my heart and mind to mortals, but just do what I have to do and not care about what people do. But somehow, I seem to forget what I know and fall into the trap. Here you see the karma or punishment for wrong thinking.

If I had spent more time with God, this would not have happened. As soon as I leave God's feet and pay attention to people, they pull me into the quicksand. How many times will I have to be punished before I learn this lesson? In terms of the talk about love, this happens to every hapless lover whose love is unrequited. We will never find peace until we seek God's love alone. Anything else will bring us torment. No matter how many times this is said, few people will listen.

FEBRUARY 15, 2005

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF PASTOR RASA
THE FAT MAN WHO BREAKS THE CHAIR &
WANTS TO EAT WITH HIS EYES

This is a day in the life of a lady minister. I go to the gym and end up in the whirlpool, saying my rosary. One of the fattest men I've ever seen comes by and looks at this sturdy-looking plastic chair next to the whirlpool, asking me,

"You think it will hold?"

I say,

"Maybe. Why don't you test it?"

He sits into the chair, a semi-reclining gray number, and we begin to talk. I ask him how much he weighs and how tall he is. He says "460" and 6'5". We discuss diets. Now I really get into it and begin to speak about the demons I got rid of - the fat demons as described in my food articles under "Creation."

He seems interested in this because he's had some experience with both demons, and as it turns out, Souls in Purgatory. His house has been not only infested, but is now haunted.

I begin to give him advice, but like most people - especially men - he wants to do most of the talking. Time and again I have to say to him,

"I have not finished what I was saying," in order to finish my thought.

Just as I get to the good part, there's an explosion. The entire chair shatters loudly and the man is on the floor. The pool attendants come running, and of course the man is fine as the chair was only inches off the floor, but he's embarrassed. They get him a metal chair and he settles in.

There is a lot I have to tell him and he asks how much I would charge for an exorcism of his house. I never had anyone ask me this and I tell him I help people at no charge, but I do all the exorcisms at home. He can't understand that. We don't get into how it could be done, but it is true that both salvation and deliverance does not have to be done ON THE SPOT. You can do anything by remote control. Most people would not be able to figure that out, but I know it because I've done it. I know that when I baptize someone not with me - they receive the grace, and when I do an exorcism for someone far off, it works. Prayer works regardless of time and space. God's world is not limited. God walks through walls.

But in the end, the man goes sour on me. He basically wanted to chit chat rather than be taught. He begins eyeing a young attendant as I am explaining an important point, and chatting with her. I just walk off, knowing that his being that rude to me, he doesn't deserve my help. And that is the end of the story.

The fat man also lied about his diet. Why do fat people lie so much about what they eat? Why don't they just own up to the fact that they are eating too much and the wrong things? To hear him, you would think he was on a 1200 calorie a day plan. What rubbish. What lies. What fools these mortals be.

FEBRUARY 15, 2005
PASTOR'S THOUGHTS

ON LOVE & VALENTINE'S DAY

Valentine's Day passed with no favors from God except that of pain. Pain came to me from many directions, like thorns from a bush surrounding me. Pain came from someone close to me, who vibrated hate toward me all day until I gladly left his presence. (All because his pride was hurt... pride is a terrible thing.) Pain came from a difficult project that failed. Pain came by way of a brush off from a person I befriended. I took a chance with a new lady. I spoke to her about a saint who I heard she loved. We chatted twenty minutes. I brought her a tape of the saint. But the next time I saw her, she brushed me off. Someone probably told her about my site or something, that I am not in love with the Catholic Church - she a loyal Catholic. (Wake up Catholics, there's demons in the Church!) This was like a knife through my heart. Then the e-mailers. One I am helping refuses to do anything I say. Asks for help, then when I say what must be done, has a long litany of social engagements and day to day problems. What does a person expect me to do when I pray for them, think of them, dream of them, and speak with them all hours of the night - and then - when I tell them the remedies, refuses to take same. Today I was thinking,

"Fuck them all ..... I will tell them I am not a therapist.... I counsel only people who want union with God..."

But should I trust myself when I'm in pain? Or do I speak and think more honestly now?

Then the crazy e- mails. I thought a religious site would bring religious/spiritual thinkers. Don't bet on it. It's the usual garbage from men: Men wanting dominant women, men wanting to know who the models are, men wanting more pictures, men thinking they can woo me and possess me. (I must admit that about one out of ten writes something decent or merely benign.) The rare women who write it's to argue or criticize, in scarce cases it's business, friends, or asking for counsel. One nasty one I've been dealing with for years surfaced again. On the day of pain, I'd had it. I wrote her one piece which hopefully will end that relationship forever.

Then there was one hope. A new guy I wrote about before sounded good. I thought we could chat once in a while as he is extremely intelligent, and devoted to Mary. But right now, he gives me a list of problems. He can't "help" with my Church or site in any way because of his own day to day scenario. I did not take it well, as it was the final blow. I ranked him out, so to speak. Perhaps what I said was true, but it was in a harsh light, the truth seen in my own pain.

When my mind is in pain like this am I better or worse? Right now I am actually better at facing the dark reality of human beings. One of the most awful facts is that there is no love - perhaps just a faint glimmer or glint of it, within our humanity. Unconditional love? Don't hold your breath. Everybody wants something, be it sex, money, power, advantage, comfort and tangible help. And they want it free if they can get it.

What I have to give - my strongest point and greatest tools - they don't want. They don't want union with God, sainthood, and even worse, mystical union - which demands an even higher price than sainthood. How many write to ask about the Gifts I have - of the Holy Spirit - so they can get them? None. And me - I read books of saints, like St. Gertrude the Great; recited all the prayers daily to plead God for the same Gifts, and I received those Gifts! God has always been extremely generous to those who ask for God's special graces, yet so few ask.

There were also the Gifts of Mary "which no one asks for."

I had no idea what they were, as Brother Gino did not explain. I prayed daily, and Bl. Mary appeared to me, to give me Poverty, Chastity and Obedience. Why does no one ask for these? They want the opposite. I assure you that a multitude of blessings - such as I couldn't myself spell out or spy out - has come to me through these.

I am through being soft and kind to people who need punishment. Yes, punishment cleanses, punishment makes people better.

"Chastise me here, but not in eternity,"

St. Francis said. I also said the same to God.

"Let me pay for all my sins before I die."

Jesus said to me,

"I PROMISE YOU THAT YOU WILL DIE IN MY ARMS."

Now about love. I have had all kinds of silly boys write me about it, and a couple silly girls, too. In person I also hear silly people speaking of love. Some of these silly persons are up in years, but not in development.

Desire for possession of another person is not love. It is your desire to fill up your heart and senses, not Divine Love. I am not saying it is all bad. Most people are born because of physical love, not Divine!

Divine Love has many manifestations. The one that fools people and people run from is the manifestation of pain. Mother Teresa of Calcutta said to a man that when he was suffering, Jesus was kissing him. The man sarcastically retorted,

"Tell Jesus to stop kissing me."

When you receive sufferings, they may be natural or supernatural, and God often uses natural situations to enhance them or anoint them. How familiar I am with the way God "trapped" me into the Divine Stigmata when I prayed for it, and how God used the natural to burn out my Heart Center to attain this, the most sublime of Gifts.

Love from God is not always a pleasant sensation when we are on earth. It is only in Heaven that we will have the ecstatic sensation of love all the time. Here, Divine Love frequently comes to us as thorns, nails, stripes, as secret wounds, and the spear through the Heart.

This is what God has given me this Valentine's day, and I value it fully and completely. I know that when this terrible hurt is over, I will have a dream of Jesus kissing, holding or touching me in some way, or souls being lifted from Purgatory, or even a soul receiving grace so it does not go to Hell. Pain is value! See the value in this and do not yearn for the sensation of ecstasy. That comes later, and one day, forever.

Happy Love Day!

FEBRUARY 10, 2005
THOUGHTS FROM THE PASTOR

WHAT IS REPARATION?

Some of us Catholics (although the C.C. would probably excommunicate me if they saw my site!) take it for granted that other people know the terms that educated Catholics are familiar with. One of these is "reparation for sin." Most people honestly don't know what it means so let me tell you.
This is an important item, because if you do it, you will be greatly blessed and God will smile down upon you.

To repair is to fix the damage. Sin causes damage to the soul. If we sin we have to undo the damage. There are two facets or components to sin: The GUILT of sin, and the STAIN of sin. As far as guilt, only the individual can fix that, by repentance. We can pray for someone to receive the grace to repent, but they have to repent themselves. When a person goes to Holy Confession and confesses a sin, the Priest gives them absolution and they are forgiven the guilt. Then the person must repair by doing something that shows they are sorry - whatever the Priest tells them to do. They can also repent directly to God, and if it is sincere, God will forgive them. It is a great thing to examine one's conscience often, and ask God for forgiveness of sin, including the sins we might not be aware of or understand as sins. We often sin through our thoughts and giving into negative emotions, and we need to be sorry about that. We repair or "make reparation" for our own sins by good deeds, charity, prayer, spiritual reading, and things of that nature.

Then there is reparation for the sins of another - especially for the Poor Souls. They can no longer repair for themselves, as they cannot gain merit any more. When we repair we gain merit, you understand. What is merit? It is an action deserving grace. When a person dies repentant of their sins, and therefore forgiven by God, they enter into Purgatory. There, by a slow transmission of grace, their soul is cleansed of the effect of sins; the ugliness and dirtiness, so to speak, that is contained within their soul because of sin. There are untold variations of the states of souls in Purgatory, from pains so intense and horrible that it seems almost like Hell, to rather benign type of "gray" places where there is just a feeling of deprivation and longing for God. (The only experience I ever had of actually BILOCATING into Purgatory was to see my Dad in a "gray" place. He was lifted into Heaven five days later. His stay there was about two years, nine months - not a long sentence.)

You might ask about reparation:

"OK. I understand. The soul sinned. What does it have to do with me? They stay there till they are cleansed, and that is it. What can I do, and if I could, why should I suffer? Don't I have enough troubles of my own?"

There are three divisions of the Church, according to Catholic Theology. One, the Church Triumphant - those in Heaven. Then, the Church Militant, those on earth. Then, the Church
Suffering, those in Purgatory. It is the explicit mission of us, the Church Militant, not the Church Triumphant, to minister to the Souls in Purgatory. This is the way God made it, and there is an economy and wisdom in this that I shall explain.

The incredible economy in this order is that we, who are still on earth, can gain merit. This merit can be INCREASED and more than DOUBLED if we minister to the Poor Souls! (Those in Heaven no longer gain merit. When life is over, merit is over. You simply reap the rewards of your life and the only increase is called "accidental glory" which is received when the good of your actions manifests on earth.)

When you do a good deed, you gain good merit. Then grace comes to you and your soul improves. But if you are willing to "give away" your merit to Souls - called the "Heroic Act,"
then you are actually trusting God to take care of you, while the merit of your whole life goes to them. In my opinion, and I believe from all that I know of God I am 100% right - God never deprives you of this merit, but simply gives it to them, and lets you not only keep it, but increases your merit. So in other words, when I gave thousands of dollars for Souls for Masses at one time, I sincerely felt that when I died, those Masses would also apply to me. In this way, I was hoping to totally avoid Purgatory. I do not believe I will go to Purgatory at all because I am doing everything possible to avoid it.

Think of merit as money. When you do what is pleasing to God, God "owes" you money. But you say to God,

"God, please take this money you owe me and give it to Souls so they can join you quicker."

God LOVES this sort of action!

Believe me, you will lose not one iota by it, you will gain.

There is another facet to this ministry: God sometimes will give you, if you are a brave and generous soul, supernatural sufferings. This means that God will just "touch" you, and what seems like for no reason, you will be in some sort of pain for a while. Maybe you will feel frustrated, depressed, anxious, or "in the pits." You will try everything to make it go away, but nothing works. Then all at once, it is gone! It was basically a test, and if you behaved well, you earned great merit, and that merit (like money) goes to Souls in Purgatory. You benefit because your soul has also gotten cleaner and brighter and more beautiful. Every act like this increases your Beatific Vision, or what you will have of God in Eternity.

FEBRUARY 10, 2005
PASTOR'S THOUGHTS

HAS EVERYTHING TURNED TO GOLD?

My new friend, Gold, deserves a rebuke. First, this is not his real name and I shall never reveal my newfound friends in any way on the site, by name or by any way that identifies them. I change facts around so you will never know who they are - in case you are worried about becoming my friend and that I would spill the beans on you. Speak to me as you would to Mother Confessor.

Gold is one of the few folks I met through this site that I am talking to by phone. But I am madder than a Tasmanian She-Devil that in the two hours of gab, one and a half was about his women! And oh, what women! By the end of this tirade I was wondering if I should just beg off and forget the rest. Finally it ended. I got my fifteen minutes worth in to talk about Church and Mission.
He said,

"You are going to succeed....now I gotta go! We've been talking so long!"

I began to ask myself like what am I here for? To listen to people of the flesh talking about their hang ups? Their immature desires? Since I started this site I've heard a few life stories. One wanted counseling. I wrote of her as "Fran and Joe." I also wrote, inspired by her, "Why Women Love Monsters." This was good. God really wanted to minister to her, and we have. No complaints here.

Then a guy wrote me his life in imitation of Errol Flynn. (See my e-book "The Deliverance of Errol Flynn from Purgatory.) Quite amusing. He asked me to channel Flynn. I did. That ended it. Errol, of course, was pleased that his fans were thinking of him, but he cautioned against following in his footsteps of sin, as look at the suffering those sins caused him. The fan said he would never ask me to channel him again! The dunderheads want to be whoremasters, like Flynn, and they expect me to say, "What a good boy you are?" I am the lady who helped repair for the sins of Flynn, and now I hear from guys who want to do his sins and be congratulated. Very smart.

I am still listening to a man who conveyed to me one of the worst cases of abuse I've ever heard - by the Mom as well as the Dad. As bad as stuff you read in the newspapers. I have learned much from his story and he's become a friend. Of course, he can't help me with the Church work as he's not in that dimension.

Then there was the odd assortment of would-be Romeos who I chatted with for a while but realized they were barking up the wrong tree. We shall not waste time on them here.

Gold was different. He wrote me the most thoughtful, intelligent letters anyone had ever sent me. Not only that, I sensed genuine devotion to Mary and Matriarchy in those letters. I did not quite know what to do with him. But a curious thing happened. He was praying that women would go to my site (I did not know it at the time) and because of that, two young whippersnappers were talking to me. One was nice, the other was there to argue. As I tried to answer one, by a fluke, I sent it to Gold. He wrote me a letter telling more about himself to answer the questions. But I was asking the lady! This is how we became friends - Gold and I. God brought us together.

After many e-mails I decided to take a chance on him, and he sounded fantastic. (I have tried out a couple others by phone, and they had so many red flags and faults, like trying to dominate me, looking at me as a sex object and all that crap, that I could in no way let them enter into my circle of intimates.) But the things Gold told me in the last conversation, and the length of time he punished me with it, deserves a spanking.

Here is a person, from a fine family - no abuse or "bad love," intelligent, educated and with spiritual abilities, and yet, he's hung up on women that can only do him harm. Like too many people, he chooses them for their looks and sex appeal. I have said time and time again to everyone I know - choosing mates for their looks is the road to perdition. Not perdition in eternity, but Purgatory or Hell on earth! I might as well be talking to myself. OK. Take your medicine. God has answered your prayers. You got the sex bombs and all that goes with it. Some of these ultra-glamorous women are damaged goods; they're crazy, and they will make you crazy, given enough time. You started out sane, reasonable, but give yourself a few more years and you will be needing therapy yourself. All that fine upbringing and sanity your parents gave you will be wasted because you will be a basket case, having been taken through the ringer by a string of beautiful women. Is this the way to live? Choosing these women is not mandatory. You could have gotten sane ones. After all, you are not damaged. So far, you're a normal person.
Try and get out of this quagmire before it sucks you into the pit. There is no excuse for this.

The next subject is WHY DOESN'T ANYONE TRY CELIBACY? That would prevent all this shit. And has no one ever heard of mortification of the flesh? That is curbing your desires, not giving into them. The more you give into desires of the flesh, the more the flesh will demand. The more you curb your desires the less addicted and compulsive you'll be.

People do not have the slightest idea how wonderful celibacy is, and they DON'T WANT TO KNOW. They are so stupid; they think that they will find all happiness in sexual intimacy. Just find the right person for sex, and everything falls into place. It doesn't happen that way! It is not the road to happiness, it's the road to addiction.

Mortification of the flesh IS part of the road to happiness. You try and contain your desires for things that give physical pleasure - with no other purpose than that. Fasting is mortification and abstinence from luxury - things you don't need - benefits you a lot. Resisting things like delicious, unhealthy foods, and spending money on unnecessary items are things that bring God's blessings. Disciplining the body by way of health and exercise are things also blessed by God. Now the flesh is more stubborn than a pit bull. It wants what it wants. But you have to insist on doing the right thing. It takes time to control the flesh, but in time, it will obey you. It takes years.

I became celibate at the age of 33. But in order to take this vow and keep it, I first had to prepare for it. It took ten years of trying to prepare for the vow. Out of those ten years, I would abstain from sex for a year at a time, now and then. But I was not strong enough to take the vow. I struggled against the flesh for ten years, and then, Our Holy Mother appeared to me and asked me "Not to have sex with men any more." This appearance proved that I was READY - after a long struggle - to receive the grace to keep the vow; otherwise Holy Mary would not have appeared. I took the vow five days later, and never looked back.

I have done many things to mortify and curb my flesh, and in the short term, it can be torture. But in the long term, it is peace. For a while, before you have yourself trained, there is resistance and conflict and discomfort. But in the end, the body becomes the slave of your will, and not the other way around. Most people, in my opinion, are strung out, addicted, compulsive, and cannot control themselves, because they have not fought hard enough against their desires. It takes years to control the flesh - in all areas - but by little acts of mortification, one day at a time, one step at a time, you gain more and more courage. Finally, you win.

You will not find mortification taught anywhere in the magazines, but just the opposite, because they WANT you to have desires so they can sell you things. Resist the world, the flesh and the devil. Only one thing is necessary. Go for that one thing. Curb the rest as much as you can. If you do not free yourself from the tyranny of the flesh, how well can you serve God and the work of God? How can you pray and meditate? How can you dedicate yourself to a Mission?

FEBRUARY 9, 2005
PASTOR'S THOUGHTS

CHANNELING ELVIS!

A short time ago someone sent me many hours of Elvis tapes; documentaries and performances. When I was ten years old, up until 12, Elvis was the love of my life. I think I loved him more than anyone I've ever loved! Later, this devotion paid off in that when Elvis died, God let me know in a dream (I was in Puerto Rico) and when Elvis ascended into Heaven about five years later, God also let me know. About a year ago, a saint came to me (many of the visits to Purgatory are escorted in and out by an angel or saint) and led me to Elvis in Heaven. Will talk about this in the Elvis story on the Purgatory page. In all these years, however, I have never been able to link to Elvis in the sense of hearing his voice speaking to me. I thought about it and I assume it is because since the age of 12, my mind has not been on him. He went his way - to the glory of stardom - and I went on my way, living my Purgatory on earth.

Since watching these many hours of Elvis tapes, however, I found that I had a fantastic link with Elvis, and I figured while I had him on the "line" I should find out all that I could from him. And so I did. I asked him numerous questions about his life, and about my own life, and I will share some of it with you.

First a bit about linking with a soul. I do not understand all of it, but I have learned some things about it. Your mind has to be on someone to link with that soul - almost always, but not always. They - that soul - can also link to you by their efforts and transmit a message to you. This linking applies to all souls, the living on earth, the living in Purgatory, and the living in Heaven. (I do not include the souls in Hell because I have never tried to link with them, although on rare occasions, they have communicated with me; the souls in general so I could see the fire they were trapped in, and one soul in particular, my first husband, so God could let me see his state.)

One lady wrote me chastising me for "speaking with the dead" and that "God" told her not to do that. She is obviously influenced by her Church's interpretation of Old Testament prohibitions. I explained to her these souls are not dead. They are as alive, or more so, than we are! When a person such as I am given a Gift by the Holy Spirit, Jesus or Mary, it is a Gift I am using - I am not dabbling through my own mind of the flesh.

Some of the things Elvis told me:
"You have the most beautiful wedding gown of any soul I've seen."

Rasa: "What do you mean by that? How many souls have you seen ascending into Heaven?...You mean you can see my gown now, even before I have ascended?"

Elvis: "Yes, I can see your soul now and it is the most beautiful I have seen. The garments (wedding garments) are made of Light. The colors are light yellow, light blue, white, and with streaks of red. I have seen about 500 souls, because God allows me to greet my fans as they ascend into Heaven. Most of the souls have a "gown" made primarily of light blue. (Here I am writing this by memory. I am not even trying to say the words the way Elvis said them. I am rewriting it and editing it. If I took off my audio tape exactly the way he said everything, it would take me hours. Every soul I contact has their own way of speaking and their own vocabulary. When you channel, you can speak it just the way they said it, or you can instantly edit it, get the meaning, and transmit it in your own words... right now I am doing this in my own words to save time.)

Rasa: "Please explain to me what these colors mean."
Elvis: The yellow - which there is the most of - are the Gifts of the Holy Spirit. The second most is blue, the Presence of God in your soul, the third is white, which is mostly from the heart down, to signify your purity of heart and celibacy. From your heart are coming streaks of wavy red light, like stripes, deep colored, and moving fast, signifying your Divine Stigmata. The Gold or yellow surrounds your head and your whole body like a halo, and emanates from you strongly. All these colors emanate from you or shine from your soul."

Rasa: "What makes it so beautiful or more beautiful than one color, let's say?"

Elvis: "It's the way it makes me feel when I look at it. I understand what you went through (and are still going through) - the love that is there, and the things God did for you in response to your obedience to grace. I see love, suffering, chastisement leading to grace,
I see a halo of a purified soul that is now gifted, not blocked by anything of the earth. I see streams of pain or self sacrifice that turned into a Gift that Jesus gave you, joining yourself to Him on the Cross. This is an unusual configuration of soul or wedding garment. This is not an ordinary soul that ascends into Heaven, even though all souls are beautiful when they ascend."

Rasa: "When you greet your fans how do you greet them?"

Elvis: "I am one of the many saints who do so. If they believed in Jesus and Mary, Jesus and Mary greet them. Whoever they believed in and loved greet them in Heaven, including relatives. If they were my true fans, I am one of the many saints that meets them, and we hug and kiss. If it's a guy, we more or less shake hands and hug. It's a great feeling for me and for them... I really love my fans... I did then and I do now. Tell them I'm helping them from Heaven if they want me, need me, and love me. I am here for them. Call on me - I won't take them to Heartbreak Hotel. I won't break their hearts or disappoint them."

Rasa: "On a scale of one to ten, how true of a fan of yours was I when I was a child?"

Elvis: "You were an 11! You gave all that your heart could give at the time. You loved me totally and completely, more than you had ever loved before."

Rasa: "What were you rewarded for the most, and what were you punished for the most?"

Elvis: "My generosity and the drugs."

Rasa: "How did the drugs start, and where?"

Elvis: "I couldn't live without my Mother. When I went into the army I met some evil guys who turned me onto drugs, and I never got over them. They continued and got worse and led to my demise."

Rasa: "Why could you not quit?"

Elvis: "Because I did not have the strength. I was weak, but I pretended I was strong. Everyone around me was dependent on me, and could not tell me what to do. Nobody led me or could lead me to go to a clinic or anything. They were all in denial, and those who understood, could not make me go into rehab. There was no one who could control or guide me and I was lost. I was like a leader with all yes men and women around me, pretending to be my own man and know the answers, and all that. I was a lost little boy crying for his Mamma."

Rasa: "Could not Priscilla or your Dad help you on that?"

Elvis: "It would have taken a real savvy person to help me. Priscilla was younger than me and looked up to me for a while. Then later, she grew bored and irritated with me, with good cause. Maybe I felt the same way about her, and I cheated.

I did not look to her as an authority and if she tried to make me go to a clinic, I would not have done it. Although I was a dependent personality - that is - I needed someone strong to guide me - there was no one like that around me. I did not look to my Dad as an authority. Col. Parker was an authority, but only in my career. He didn't mess with my private life. Everyone around me just looked to me for money and gifts and being a leader. I was not a leader in all things - only in show business entertainment. I was a lead singer, a performer. But in day to day life, I could have used some help. My Mamma was gone and I didn't know what to do. It was like I was all alone without an anchor to rely on, everyone looking to me."

Rasa: "But what about your faith? Was it not strong? Why did you not rely on Our Lord?"

Elvis: "My faith was there, but it was a faith not quite like your own. Your faith is something you practice day and night. You always have. I did not practice my faith, so I did not have the strength of my faith. I sang gospel songs, and that is a form of prayer. But I did not get down on my knees enough to The Lord and beg Him for help. If I had got down on my knees daily in prayer, that is the only way I could have beaten my habit. If I had cried tears of regret to The Lord, and raised my hands to Him in prayer, and begged Him to help me, He would have. Maybe once or twice I did that, but you have to do it every day. I was too busy figuring out how to get more drugs, what kind of drugs instead of praying for deliverance from them. Like I said, I was lost."

Rasa: "How much of the five plus years in Purgatory was spent as cleansing for the drugs?"

Elvis: "About half my time, about 2 1/2 years was for the drugs. The rest was for mostly pride and ego."

Rasa: "What about the illicit sex and adultery?"

Elvis: "That was not a big issue with God. Say only one or two months for that. You see, I was very generous with the women I went out with. They gained a lot from me. I didn't use them."

Rasa: "That's a good point! How many men just use women for their bodies, use and abuse them!"

Elvis: "I never used women."

Rasa: "What are you most joyful about when you look back on your life?"

Elvis: "I'm really glad I gave most of my money away before I died, because that really helped me where I'm at now. I have a good place in Heaven."

Rasa: "How high up are you compared to a saint, like St. Joan of Arc?"

Elvis: "If Joan of Arc is ten feet tall, I am less than half. But that is justice. Don't think I'm not happy! No one here wants more than what they have. Whatever they deserved is given them and they have no envy or regret."

Rasa: "The many people around you, did they love you or mostly use you?"

Elvis: " It was some of that for all of them - loving and using. Some only used me with no love at all, only envy. The majority, say 60%, just wanted what I had, and that's including my Dad. You were upset about the way he talked about me and my Mamma. That was a lie. He imagined that out of his dirtiest imagination. He was kind of low minded. (His Dad said Elvis had sex with his Mom, so it said in a tabloid written by Dad's wife.) My Mother was a sacred issue with me, and Dad should not have tried to spoil it."

Rasa: "About the people around you? Any love, like the love of your fans?"

Elvis: "Nothing like that. My fans wanting nothing out of me but a kiss. They just wanted to be close for a few minutes. But those I hired and had around me, you understand, I had to pay everyone off. And I did pay everyone off, or they would have turned against me. Envy turns to hate very quickly. As soon as those three guys were let go, they wrote a hateful book about me. That was one of the greatest pains of my life. You have no idea how it hurt. I was afraid and ashamed. I didn't want my fans to know I was so weak. My secret was out. What would my fans think of me? What would Col. Parker think of me? If I could have stopped it, I would have, but even then, I couldn't. I think I needed even more drugs after that book came out."

Rasa: "Did they write it to help you wake up, to make money, or out of revenge, or what?"

Elvis: "It was strictly out of revenge, because I wasn't paying them off. They'll pay, if they haven't already. Revenge is a terrible sin. I never took revenge on anyone."

Rasa: "Any more thoughts for right now, Elvis?"
Elvis: "Keep doing what you're doing on your Church. It'll all come out. I wish I had done more religious stuff, but I was too messed up. I did what I could. Don't give up. Try and stay upbeat. Dance. You like to dance and it makes you feel good. I like the way you dance to "Polk Salad Annie."

Rasa: "Thank you, Elvis. I love you."

Elvis: "I love you, too."

Rasa: "One last question. If any of your fans really close to God had prayed hard for you every day, could that have saved you from drugs?"

Elvis: "Here we come to a very important problem on earth. Why don't people pray more? Instead of being scandalized and disgusted with me, why couldn't my fans get on their knees and pray for me? It would have helped! But the problem is, people don't want to self sacrifice. It takes a sacrificing person to get on their knees, night after night, and pray for someone, and not even get the credit. Tell my fans this: If they know of anyone in trouble, don't scorn them. Pray for them. Pray hard for others. People may not thank you or give you credit, but you will get so much out of God for that! Tell my fans to pray!"

Rasa: "OK, Elvis, I told them."

Elvis: "I hope your site reaches a lot of people!"

----------------------------------------------

I will have more information on what Elvis told me in his section in "Purgatory" - "The Elvis Story."

FEBRUARY 8, 2005

HOW LOW SELF-ESTEEM IS SIMILAR
TO THE FEELINGS IN PURGATORY

This analysis stems from the comments of yesterday, in how you must have a good self image to get the right mate. I awakened this morning with insights. A person with low self esteem is like a soul in Purgatory.

In Purgatory there are two feelings one has about oneself:
dirty and ugly. The sins one has committed are like stains on the soul, where the soul is darkened to a point of gray instead of white, to a point of obscurity rather than transparency. The wait in Purgatory slowly, painstakingly,
removes the dross which is both ugly and dirty.

St. Catherine of Genoa speaks much about the voluntary cleansing the soul undertakes; that it is in fact not God that wants to punish us, but we ourselves want to suffer for the cleansing. Maria Simma, a contemporary Purgatory minister from Austria, reiterates her point of view. It is one way of looking at it. But overall it is simply Karma. What is on you has to be removed, and both you and God agree on that.

On earth we are also in varying degrees of Purgatory.

Now let us admit, we are all guilty of sin, major and minor. Who of us is without sin? Our Karma due to sin chases us, and wherever we go, we are paying for our sins. The only way to get rid of Karma is to pay the price, get it off you, and then, you have no more cleansing or Purgatory lest it be voluntary for other souls. (This cleansing/Purgatory comes upon us in every way imaginable, from illness to bad luck, to accidents, to rejection and all sorts of things.)

Now let us call this Purgatory "Righteous Purgatory." It is the Purgatory due us for our real sins. But this is NOT what I am speaking of in regards to the Purgatory of the abused.

The Purgatory of the abused is one that is not warranted, nor is it righteous in the sense it has come upon a person not for their own sins, but because of the sins of others. The abuser is the sinner. The abuser imputes upon the victim various degrees of negative feelings about themselves; feelings of inferiority, damaged goods, ugliness, unworthiness, so that the poor person is always thinking like this:

"This great thing I am wishing for cannot happen to me as I am not worthy... I am not good enough."

"What have I done wrong now?"

"I will not be chosen lest I do a hundred more than the next person, because I am so much lower than everyone else."

"Nothing will come to me lest I struggle harder than anyone else."

"I have bad luck because I deserve it."

"People hate me... I have no friends... everyone rejects me."

"Evil will come upon me soon."

This person lives in fear. Fear of being rejected, passed over, neglected, ostracized, to various degrees according to the degree of abuse. The person constantly feels guilty even though they have not committed any sins.

Here it would be worthy to note that not all people have been abused, and so, not all people have these feelings. There are the opposite - those who feel they are superior because they have been spoiled, and those who are sociopaths to whom everyone else is a means to an end. The spoiled think:

"I deserve all good, and I will be chosen because I am superior."

"The world revolves around me and my needs."

"I am better than anyone else and I deserve respect.... Whoever does not give me my dues commits an outrage."

These silly thoughts are sins of pride, vanity, and ego, and deserve punishment. The sociopath thinks something like this:

"I will do whatever I want in life and I will get whatever I want, whatever it takes...The only right and wrong is what I want and what I don't want...People who stand in my way are wrong, and I am always right."

Obviously, this type of thinking carries serious penalties, as it is totally against charity.

The feelings of "humility" that come from low self esteem are
not the kind of humility that God requires. God hopes that we will love ourselves (as also our neighbor) and in fact, in the end, when one has had an ultimate realization of God one loves oneself absolutely. To feel negative about oneself is not humility nor is it logical or righteous. You have to feel positive and forgiving toward yourself, and you have to be glad about the life God has given you. Life is to be lived in gladness, no matter how hard it is. The saints rejoiced amidst their sufferings because their minds were on God, not in the flesh. They were thinking of God's will and eternity, not this little world here.

Again I say, the low feelings coming from abuse are not what God wants. These feelings are the Purgatory of someone else, imposed on you as Scapegoat. Indeed, many saints were tried by such sufferings, and frequently God used abuse as a chisel to make a saint, but eventually, the chosen soul rid itself of this monkey...A wise friend of mine said that families choose one person to dump their anxieties on, and that is the chosen Scapegoat. He said the Scapegoat is in the best place in the family and is the only one who can change the family for the better...personally, I think one has better things to do. The Scapegoat is the Sacrificial Lamb or "designated outsider." He/she is not "in" the family any more, and can be dispensed with. In other words, take this load, and if it kills you, too bad. You carry it no matter what happens in order to make life easier for the rest of us.

This is the Purgatory I speak of which makes a person feel UGLY, DIRTY and UNWORTHY. He or she can be exceedingly attractive, but always feel bad about their looks. They feel they DESERVE PUNISHMENT and so they ALLOW punishment to come upon them! That is the direct result of what others did to them by constantly punishing them unjustly. When a great person comes along who might be a spouse, let us say, early in life, before too much damage is done, you still have a chance. But within a few short years the abuse is so internalized, and has damaged one's self image so badly, that they cannot imagine snagging a powerful mate. Whenever such a mate is available (because from the outside they can see your good qualities) - you don't believe it can happen. You let it slip through your fingers.

This sounds unbelievable to some, so let me make an analogy that makes sense. There is a person you are besotted with. He or she is everything you admire. This person is attractive, intelligent, great personality, good social skills, good at earning bread and the rest. You imagine hooking up with him or her could make life wonderful. Soon, you will be in a place where you could spend some time with this person nearby and get to know each other. Perhaps a social event. Everyone will be there, including many others who admire this person and would like to snag him/her.

But you have serious problems. Here they are: You cannot take a bath for a month. Your body is dirty and it stinks. On top of that, you have no decent clothes. What you must wear are dirty rags. In spite of all this, you must go to this event and take your chances. How do you rate your chances? Not only do they despair of being chosen, but along with that, there is a stinging sense of shame and embarrassment. To think that the beloved, my ideal, would see me as stinking, filthy and raggedy!

This is exactly how a person feels who is negative about themselves. They see and smell their so-called "dirt" and rags, and even ACT THAT WAY so they say things and behave in a way that puts them in a negative light! Their awful feelings about themselves show! Oh, horrors, even when great people want them, they scare them away by their own words and deeds! They BELIEVE something is wrong with them, and so they convince others that indeed, there might be something wrong with them - although it is to the contrary. These tortured souls SCARE AWAY ALL THE BLESSINGS GOD WOULD GIVE HIM OR HER!

Now do you get my point? In order to snag that great mate you admire so much - that person you love who would make life so wonderful - you have to go through serious healing. You have to love yourself (in true love, not selfishness,) in order to create the conditions for a happy, successful bond with someone.

My last words on the subject are the real Purgatory of the dead, and what they suffer. What everyone wants for their soul is to be united with the Absolute. Within God is the end to all suffering, all hunger, anxiety, and all needs. When God fills the soul with ultimate goodness all one ever wanted, in their heart of hearts, is fulfilled. All the ecstasy, the joy, the freedom, the peace, the vision - all good that can be imagined and more - is all ours. We are completely fulfilled, completely happy with nothing more to yearn for. This is what the soul wants - now that it sees reality and is no longer distracted by survival issues and things that don't matter. But it cannot join this Absolute good because the soul itself is far from good. It sees within itself obscurity and darkness and soil which must be removed. When the soul, finally, sees reality, it sees many things at once and all its pride and vainglory are smashed. It sees how far from good it really was, and how full of imperfection. There is a regret, and a kind of shame and embarrassment. Oh, if God would look upon me now, face to face, I would crumble! The beauty of God in contrast to the ugliness of me is so great! Please God, let me hide under a rock, but don't look at me face to face! Let me bathe and bathe until I am clean and I can look you in the eyes and not hate myself! On earth, the soul deluded itself greatly. For one thing, it compared itself to the sinfulness of others, real and imagined;

"I'm not so bad as others," says the typical soul.

"I don't steal and main and kill people...God will not deal harshly with me."

But reality can be tough, because God looks at the attitude and the disposition, and seemingly nice people can have long, terrible Purgatories, or even merit Hell. (It isn't by your personality that you are judged, it is your inner state.) There inside the soul are all the impediments to perfect purity, perfect justice, and perfect charity. Slowly, slowly in Purgatory, grace enters the soul. It is perhaps ten, twenty, thirty times slower than it would have been on earth. It feels like forever. You will pay the last farthing, the last penny, for the disposition lacking in charity.

I personally am not taking any chances. I do all that I can to keep my soul clean and to pile on the merits. Others might think I'm a lowlife, judging me harshly as people do, but that is alright. I am thinking only of God. I have renounced the care of what people think of me. (All that I need to keep me happy is my work and a friend or two.) I am careful to keep my attitude clean, especially in the judgment of others, in pride, ego and vanity, and in the wanting of things not needed. As I once agonized over my relationship with men, wishing to have someone great loving me, I now worry only about one thing: My marriage with God.

P.S. The secret weapon against Purgatory!

Something made me think of this to share with you. My late husband, Richard, spent a record short time in Purgatory - slightly over eight months. I wonder how much the Masses he purchased for himself and family, which were in his will, had to do with this. I'd been hounding him to purchase Masses for himself and not to trust anyone to do it after his death. I told him relatives never buy enough Masses. (This I told him before we were married, as I'd be the only person he could have trusted to get enough of them.) You might need a huge amount to get out of there fast. I personally purchased $1,000. of Masses for myself at one time, and have spent another $12,000. for Souls which I know will help me also.

My plan is not to go to Purgatory at all. When my husband died I finally read the will (which I had but never read.) There, he almost obeyed me. He left $2,000. for Masses. In my dreams I saw this: His relatives, already in Heaven, didn't need the Masses, so they all went to him. In God's mercy he was given the benefit of the Masses, long before the Church was paid for them. By the time the Church was paid Richard had already made it to Heaven over a year, as in God's mercy, God gave him the benefit of them before they were celebrated. If you want to guarantee yourself a huge break in Purgatory purchase Masses for yourself now - a lot of them. Bear in mind also that any charity you extend to the Suffering Souls now alleviates your own Purgatory, if not completely eliminates the need for it.

FEBRUARY 7, 2005
PASTOR'S THOUGHTS

CALLING ALL DUMB BLONDES, BRUNETTES & REDHEADS

Attention, all dumb women! It's a call for you to stop sucking cock! It's time to stand up, get off your knees, and be counted. Are you living or dead? Stop looking for all you need from Dick.

If there is one thing I want you to remember, if you remember anything I say is this: If you want a strong man, be a strong woman. If you want a rich man, be a rich woman first. If you want a successful man, be a successful woman.

Strong men do not want weak women. Rich men do not search for poor women, although they sometimes settle for them. (Bear in mind that the poor women who marry rich men are rich in areas other than money; usually charm, personality, intelligence, looks, etc.) Successful men do not want unsuccessful women!
Like marries like. It is equals that become wedded and united, not unequals. Unequals are social workers with clients, counselors with the troubled, ministers with those in darkness. You want to marry a great man? You must be a great woman, and you must BELIEVE YOURSELF TO BE THOSE THINGS.

I told my friend today, that when I was young, I dated a millionaire. Not only was he rich, he was tall and handsome, with blue eyes and dark blonde hair. He was dating celebrities. He had a mansion with original fine art and a rolls royce. I would call him, he'd take me out for dinner, then to his house for the night and leave me in the morning while he went to his own luxury building to work. His butler served me breakfast. I was twenty one years old, and had no self confidence. I did not pursue this man, who would have made a perfect husband for me. Everywhere I went, I'd bump into the butler, who told me time and time again to call the man. But I didn't because I was too dumb. I figured if he wanted to take me out, he'd call me. But he was waiting for me to call him, so he'd know he was wanted. I called him rarely, and whenever I did, he came over, took me to dinner....the same routine. Later a woman not as beautiful as me snagged him. She obviously had self confidence. She felt she deserved him - I, in my interior self, felt I didn't have a chance.
And that, in spite of the fact that I had remarkable physical beauty and intelligence.

What does it take to be great things? You could be born great, but abuse takes away your faith in that power. That is what happened to me. My family took away from me the belief in what God gave me. I was gifted with four things that would take me to the top: Physical beauty, mental and spiritual intelligence, a good heart and virtue, and the fourth I shall call "X" as I do not know all that God has done for me. My family did not take away my gifts - as no one can - but they took away my faith in the gifts; thereby leaving me in a place of brokenness and for a time, powerlessness.

It took me a long time to regain my strength and faith in myself, and to activate the gifts in a way that I saw them clearly, believed in them, and worked with them. In myself - with the grace of God - I found everything. God had already given me the road to success, the stepping stones, the tools and weapons. I had only to use them. By my love of God everything was regained and made right.

In the beginning, I lost all I could have had due to the abuse. It was as if demons were on my back, in my head. Whenever blessings came to me, there, nearby, were the demons family put upon me, making me hate myself and forfeit the blessings.

I realize now, in a flash of insight, that God was trying to save me from a horrible life by getting me married to rich men.
I recount the opportunities. First, the love of my life, Peter, the son of doctors who became one himself. I was thirteen, he sixteen. I lost him because of my family. God replaced him with Danny. Danny never had to work a day in his life and today still lives in luxury. I met him when he was nineteen and I was fourteen and was madly in love. The second time God tried to save me. But Uncle and another relative messed that one up. Had I married these men life would have been a cushion instead of a rock my head was banged against. Finally, I left home, and in my very first years, before the age of twenty- two, God sent me two more rich men. One already mentioned, the other equally handsome, a celebrity, who had a lot to offer. But something inside me chose not to be happy. Perhaps I felt that I could beat all and become a great woman on my own two feet. Not an easy task!

After many years of frustration, pain, hardship and poverty - broken heartedness and loss - God put into my own hands the ability to succeed. I made a lot of money and bought my own house and some of what I wanted. I went from lower to upper middle class, by my own efforts. (Yes, there was a short time in my early twenties I was wealthy, but that was short lived. This second wealth lasted for many years.)

The next thing that happened was healing. When I became relatively wealthy, I gained confidence in myself. I began to think I deserved better men! And better men I got. This time, no blessings were forfeited! My worst poverty had been the poverty in my mind, not understanding I could have great guys who would help me, take care of me when needed, be there for me. I went out with the dogs and the scumbags, and paid for it. But no more. These new men restored me but I could not gain them until I gained confidence. It is a catch 22 situation: If you feel needy, you will not get who you need. They will look down on you, or you, looking down at yourself, will overlook the opportunity. Feeling strong gives you leverage and you get strong men - which includes intelligent, worthwhile and wealthy men. And so, in the end, by healing myself, by regaining myself, I found worthy men. The finest of all the men was my late husband. God saved the best for last and all that I had lost the many years I suffered was given back through him. I had love, I had respect, and I had security.

What is my point? As a wounded woman (what percent of us are? If our family didn't burn us, society does)....are 75% of women wounded? As this wounded bird who can't fly, I assure you, you have to heal your wings and learn to fly. Then, you get the mate that flies with you. Do not expect to find a mate who will heal you! Men just aren't made that way!

My last words are this: grow your own muscles. If you can't achieve your own security, chances of finding a man to secure you well are slim. If you are not intelligent, well read and informed, do you expect to find a professional, educated male?

Not on your life. Work on yourself, woman. Find the good, the great within yourself. Cultivate yourself. Stop sucking cock, degrading yourself. Keep your dignity. Do whatever it takes to get self esteem. Work, study, train - however many years it takes. If you do not try hard, just look around. Look at the women warming the benches - the kind with shifty eyes and hearts who look for what they can steal from you. They live below their potential. Whatever God gave you, use it to the max. Don't take the easy way out. The easy way, the broad highway, is a temporary fix, for times when there is no other way. You have to get out of that and take the narrow, difficult road. That hard road will lead you to success. My last words: All that you need is within. Your mind, heart, body, soul, and Spirit. Activate the good by praying and receiving the grace of God, then working with it. God cares about all your needs - physical and spiritual.

But you have to DO SOMETHING to activate the grace of God.

FEBRUARY 7, 2005
PASTOR'S DIARY

MY RAGE AGAINST WOMEN!

I've been reviewing a number of things that deal with building this Church. We have two problems, and one is worse than the other. The first is men. The second is women. I have come to the conclusion that I will have to WRITE OFF women and deal with men only until the Church is built. When it's built then the BROADS will walk in the door, when all chance of suffering is over and it's safe to leave the house. I am not saying there are thousands of men out there waiting to help me - but there's a few.

"We just need a few good men."

Women? None. All they want from me is counseling, loans, or to bust my chops with tirades against female supremacy.

There is no point in arguing why they are the way they are. They are just that way. They're STUPID! They hate themselves and other women, and they will forever claw each others eyes out and SUCK COCK 24/7..........

However faulty men are, I have always been able to find some for help. They do help us - women never help women. Case in point is the new friend, Sid Gold. (No, he's not Jewish, he's Catholic, this is just a made-up name.) Gold has set up a new YAHOO GROUP called
MotherGod. You have to join it to be a member, then you can post whatever items you wish. It's a newsgroup, chat room. I invite you to check it out.

Would a woman have done this for us? Not on your life. They are too busy with day-to-day survival; or shopping, or buying self-help books. One woman (and I do love her dearly) complained to me that HER HUSBAND DIDN'T WANT HIS COCK SUCKED ANY MORE!
(Oh, woe is me! Shall I shoot myself?)

There is no point in saying why someone is the way they are - it just is. Wounded people are disabled. They have post traumatic stress, ego problems, personality problems, lack of self esteem, lack of confidence. How women answer these needs?:
Suck cock 24/7.

Why does the woman believe the man when her daughter tells her she's been raped? A little girl gets abused by the live-in boyfriend. A six-year old child is not going to tell you that when it isn't true. The boyfriend tells the woman he never did it. The woman lets it go, and the abuse continues, thereby ruining the entire life of the girl. (I know such a female, and she is a tormented soul!) Why do women stay blind to abuse, and even when they know about it do nothing? They do not leave the husband, they do not throw out the boyfriend, but they allow the destruction of their children? Why? Because it is easier than facing the truth. Facing truth takes action. You have to do something. But they are dead bodies floating downstream. The path of least resistance is to suck cock 24/7 and whatever they give you for it, live with it. But don't rock the boat.

This whole world is a brothel for women. Whatever label put on you, as long as you suck cock,
(code meaning: be submissive to men) you are a hooker. Don't criticize the hooker on the street, you mousy housewife. You've been doing the same thing for years.

How do we build a Church which empowers women when they won't help themselves and they just want to argue how good men are? There is (and always has been) a decent minority of men looking for strong women; not necessarily professional dominants, just strong women. Most of them end up with the pros because they can't find them anywhere else. Sadly, the pros are just acting out a role for the money.
Most of them don't know how to dominate themselves. In their spare time they wind up with guys who abuse them.

I hate the way women take the easy way out. It is human nature, but try standing against the current for a change. I know a guy who said he was bored with life and his girlfriend because,

"When I come home she's always there with her legs spread."

Can't you understand, you dumb broads, that everyone wants a challenge? Once you give it to them, (unless they are hopelessly, deeply in love,) the excitement wears off. If you're available for sex every day, it gets old. He may pop you regularly, but it isn't exciting any more. He's thinking of someone else while he does it. Don't let him take you for granted! Don't be a machine, putting out like a cup of coffee. Let them not think you owe it to them, they have to make you want to do it.

The other thing women are screwed up on is that they use sex as a way of control. As long as he's popping you regularly, you feel you control him. I sincerely believe that's why women give men too much sex. Try celibacy as a way of control. You keep your dignity that way. Too difficult? OK, then what are you worth? Do you have any pride in yourself at all? This is how you let men drag you into the gutter. They want sex and you give, give, give. They pop you until they're tired of you and they're off to the next broad. What have you got left? You've lost your dignity and you've lost him.

One of the greatest gifts I ever received is Celibacy, by the hands of Our Bl. Mother. It prevented more evil and brought more good into my life.
It isn't just sex you want to stop. It is the effect of emotional involvement that you should not be tangled up with. When you have sex you open every window and door to the universe of another person. You may wish you had never opened yourself to that.

Sid Gold is excited about me drawing women.

"We have to get the young ones," he says.

He prayed and I did get a couple young ones writing me, busting my chops.

"You have to reach the women's colleges," he says.

I give you credit, Gold. You did set up a Yahoo group for me. But the women's colleges? How can we set that up? I've contacted every speaker bureau I know - about 100 of them, and no bites.

The beginning of anything - no matter how blessed it is - is many small steps. These steps involve time, work and money. I am taking those steps. All that I can do is being done. If any more can be done, it must be done by volunteers.

Why don't women help me or other women? Because they are damaged goods. Because they are stuck in their egos. Because they think that they have to keep sucking cock to survive. S.C. is the only path to survival!

Where is a woman who believes in a cause for women, joins it and works for it? You think the Women's Movement, NOW, is an ideal place? I once belonged to it and went to meetings. They hated me because I was fully, not partially, emancipated. I thought women had the right to do anything they wanted to do, but they felt women should only struggle for professional class status. No jobs beneath that, thank you. No maids, no minimum wage, no sex trade. Only jobs with dignity. Women who are servants, and those who show or use their bodies, are bad news. This is degrading. These prudes see the pictures in my galleries and are aghast. One of them sent me a nasty e-mail that she would not link with me as the photos are borderline porn. She hasn't seen porn. I'll show her porn. Let me tell you, the halls of feminism are not filled with Euphoria.

And another thing - I hate the way women are passive and sissyish to men but mean and nasty to women. All you can trust them to do is take away what little you have, including the men you count on for resources. They are hyenas.

I have stated my case against men throughout this site. I have been kind to women. But it's time they face the truth who they are and I face the truth. Perhaps I can shame them into improving. Perhaps I can shock them into seeing themselves as they really are - weak, passive, cocksuckers.......selfish misers to women, taking everything the next woman has that isn't tied down........they are their own worst enemies.......they bring every evil upon themselves because they do not swim against the current. They deserve male domination because they don't stand up to it. They deserve to be degraded because they have no dignity. Punishment will come upon them as long as they let it.

Shall I wait for women volunteers? I've been trying since 1968! Just today I decided to stop holding my breath.

PASTOR'S THOUGHTS
FEBRUARY 6, 2005

ARE WE WAITING FOR A FEMALE MESSIAH?

I recently received e-mails from a man who's turning out to be a friend. I was rather perturbed because he seemed to have the whole cosmology figured out: I am a Prophet who will help usher in the great Messiah (female)...and by the way, pray for his ex-girlfriend, who could also be a Prophet. She isn't ready yet, but if I pray, it may help her use her power. Help me? No, she couldn't serve me, but maybe we could cooperate.

I suggested to him he let her see my site to see if she could "cooperate," but so far nary a word from this could-be Prophet.

I began to speak with my new found fan of Matriarchy. I told him this story:

My late husband worked on his Grandpa's cow farm. They had a pasture, where, on the other side of a barbed wire fence, was an apple tree. The problem was, how to knock down the barbed wire fence and get to the apple tree. They found an ingenious way. Knock down the most friendly, docile member of the herd, onto the barbed wire fence, then walk over her to the apple tree. I said to my friend,

"That's the Messiah."

When he spoke of "Messiah," he imagined, like most people do, of some kind of glorious leader. This is what the Jews thought Jesus was going to be. Many of his followers expected him to overthrow the Romans and lead them to victory and glory. But Jesus said to the Mother that wanted her sons to sit on his left and right when He came into His Kingdom,

"Do you know what you are asking?....Can you drink of my cup?"

Being the Messiah means wearing the Crown of Thorns, the Stripes of Scourging, the Secret Wounds like on the Shoulder from carrying the Cross, the Nails in the Hands and Feet, and finally, the Sword through the Heart - the biggest Wound of all.

It means at the very least, that a Chosen Soul be sincerely WILLING to endure these pains and to give one's life for the Sacred Cause.

Men of that cloth were Mahatma ("Great Soul") Ghandi, and the man who followed in his footsteps, Martin Luther King, Jr. Because these men were willing to pay the price, they were Chosen Souls of God. Before they were assassinated and partly because of it, both succeeded and have gone down in history as Avatars.

So you want to be a Messiah? So you want to follow one? Can you drink from that cup?

A Messiah is not a political leader. He or she is an obedient servant of God, and an Instrument of God. He or she is like a Gold Beret of the Lord and Lady, always waiting to be called, full of faith and ready in all ways to spring into action. No questions, no delay, no whining. Full of zeal, a servant of God faces battle with trust, and that trust is never disappointed.

Those who might be called "Messiahs" are the most obedient souls. They are not cagey, savvy or shrewd. Not that they are stupid in the ways of the world. They know the world's ways but they don't look up to them. They know there is a Higher law and a Higher way, and that is what they are in tune with. They are waiting for the bugle - the battle cry of Heaven.

There is work to be done in the ushering in of Matriarchy. If we think in terms of glory, we'll be sadly disappointed. The only glory is at the end of the rainbow, when we are dead. There Jesus and Mary and all the saints we believe in will greet us and give us our eternal rewards. Here on earth, there are intimations of that, but they are quickies. You don't bask in bliss and ecstasy very long. You feel it a few moments and it goes away. Those short times of spiritual joy sustain you for longer times of normal life. Here is where virtue develops. Faith, Trust, Patience, Endurance, Hope, Perseverance, and Charity see us through.

I assure you of this: There is no glory in this world worth having.

It all passes. All the pleasures of the ego and human respect grow stale. Don't do your work for praise and acceptance by people. Listen to God, do what is right, and you will get your reward. Applause comes to many, and then it dies. People rise and are forgotten. Only one thing is necessary, to sit at the feet of God.

If any of you will join us in fighting for Matriarchy, bear in mind these things I have said. In the end, it is just your soul and God. God alone will judge you and by that judgment is your eternal fate. Don't worry what people think, just worry how you measure up with God. Speak the truth, live the truth, be the truth, no matter what the cost; even if you have few friends. I personally have very few friends and would not have it any other way. I want the low minded to leave me alone. I will help them if they want it, but they don't want it.

So you want a Messiah? You want to be one, follow one? Remember, there is no earthly glory in it. Perhaps a little love here and there from the saintly and kindhearted. But the world would eat you up alive if it could. You will have to be guarded and guided all the time to keep safe. Your only haven will be staying in the place of perfection, in perfect union with God. Satan will be around all the time trying to trip you up so he can get you into his clutches. All these thoughts because my friend is waiting for a female Messiah! He, I believe, imagines someone like a Harvard graduate, tall and stately, commanding respect, being invited to all important places, shining with intelligence and light. But what about a woman like Jesus? Going about doing good, with no thanks? Riding on an ass and people hailing him one week, and next week it's curtains: (when troubles start not only do you have no more applause, but many intimates fail you.) Being ridiculed and humiliated?

Being hurt over and over again by a world that doesn't understand the Light? Think about it.