DIARY OF A PASTOR

January 3 , 2005

Working on a recent case I'd like to share with you. So many women are with men who are impossible, and this is one such story. Attending to this hurting lady, I channeled four saints to get their input. After all, that is what I do best: Listen to God. I have always steered my own life by Divine Guidance and this has brought me to my present success.

This is the case of Fan and Joe (not real identities.) Joe worked for a University, but was kicked out for fondling a student. He also drinks, and lies, and lies and lies some more. He is cold hearted, insensitive and has no empathy. Because of his problems and his record, he does not work steady, and his wife, Fan, holds down the fort.

Her life is consumed with his delinquent, unlovable, troubled behavior, and somehow, she herself feels responsible for him. She has her own set of problems of childhood abuse and feeling imperfect, but she scarcely has time to attend to this. She cannot figure out what to do with Joe. She's forgiven him a hundred times, and he has deceived her yet again. He's a pervert and woman chaser, hanging out at bars nightly, but always repents and says he isn't doing anything wrong. Dozens of women say they've been harassed by him, when Fan has sought answers. Fan right now is not sure if she should leave him - but that would make her, she says, a failure. There are many particulars we will skip, as I cannot give away the identity of the couple. I am sharing the story, in a disguised fashion, with her permission.

The first saint that I have channeled is Nostradamus.

CHANNELING NOSTRADAMUS

He's a new friend...I have an aptitude for communicating with those on the other side. Sometimes they come without being bid, but other times I pray to them or think of them and they are linked to my mind. The ones that come to me unbidden sometimes leave unbidden. (When I try and speak to them they become more and more difficult to hear.) The ones I can link by praying or thinking are usually compatible with me and stay as long as I want them, and speak to me whenever I summon them. There are variables in all this - it's not automatic. If I could clearly hear anyone I wanted at any time I would be so busy talking to saints I'd probably not have time for anything else. This takes time and effort, and is not an exact science. Some saints I have a better rapport and link with, some less. Some might not permit me to access their minds because after all, I am not Almighty God and cannot do anything I want to at any time. But Nostradamus and I hit it off. He said that we are similar and he likes me very much. He said I am "deep and intoxicating." He has a great sense of humor, sort of whimsical - not the super-serious mystic he is portrayed at times. He told me his gifts were inborn, like mine. I have learned much about the science of channeling and will more of my findings elsewhere. This is what Nostradamus said for me to tell Fan:

NOSTRADAMUS: "Tell Fan she is not the sacrificial lamb, God is, Jesus is. She is not strong enough to bear the burden of his sins, his faults, his demons. She has to turn his case over to God.

She can have partial success with him but complete success belongs only to God, and it will take the rest of his life to sort it out; if then. Fan is not even sure if Joe is saved. The first and foremost thing we must ensure in helping someone is that they are saved; not to cure them of addictions or bad behavior. A person must be born again, must repent, before anything constructive can take place. Only the grace of God can do this, after she (or someone) prays. If Fan wants to be like her Grandma, who prayed 25 years for her husband to be cured of alcoholism, and then he was, and then they had 25 peaceful years together - tell her this is a new era. Women are not chained to their husbands like they used to be. They have more opportunities. Fan in fact is the breadwinner and can sustain work more easily than Joe, so she can stand on her own two feet. If she is going to be tormented by guilt, however, she will not be happy even if she leaves Joe. She has to get rid of her guilt and her feelings of failure; that she is responsible for everything wrong with Joe and has to fix it all. Look upon Joe as an advanced machine, which is disabled. Say it's a jet plane with millions of parts. How can one mortal fix it all? A jet plane would require hundreds of technicians to work on. Only God can fix a human being! By praying you do not fix every part of the machine, but you bring a person closer to God, and that's all God asks us to do. We cannot do the things that only God can do, and the person themselves, cooperating with the grace of God, can do. The person themselves must work hard for this to take place. They have to come to a place where they understand the need to be fixed. Maybe they have to hit rock bottom. Some people must be arrested, convicted and put into jail before they realize they need help. A lot has to happen between the delinquent and God.

As far as reparatory sufferings, there is a lot to be said for that. It is difficult to decide in what cases we should suffer for others, and in what cases we should not. Fan has to decide if she has to do reparatory sufferings for Joe. My opinion is no, but she can't understand that, because she thinks she has to be the sacrificial lamb for Joe. She needs a great deal of work to be done on herself in loving and appreciating herself, and protecting herself. She needs to do exorcisms for herself and for Joe, and she has to figure out what is causing her weight problem. With oppressive Joe always around, she does not have enough time and energy for herself. How can she fix herself when she is consumed by Joe?"

BLESSED VIRGIN MARY:

"You have to leave all these matters in the hands of God. She has a choice of staying or leaving, and either one is alright. If she leaves him she still has to work on her own interior to find out what it is that she has to straighten out. If she stays with him she should keep him at arm's length and not let his acts overwhelm her. There has to be emotional distance. His sinfulness is strong. Suggest to her to read your exorcism and do exorcisms daily when he's not there - for him and for herself. Pray the rosary at least once daily; that would help tremendously. He is more troubled, but she is also a hurting person. She has to pray for herself. Joe must not consume her. She is at least as important as Joe and the first person we must save is ourselves. Tell her she has my blessings and my love and to pray my rosary AND I PROMISE HER MY GRACE."

JESUS CHRIST SAYS:

"Tell Fan she has my blessings and I died for both her and Joe. I do not expect more of her than what she can give. The words that my Holy Mother said - to distance herself - I agree with. Do not let the transgressions of Joe go deep inside her soul. Find ways to get away from him, even if she continues to be married and lives with him. Find things to do in the evening that are recreational or pleasant. Get out of the house, no matter how hard it is - and it may be quite hard. Church activities, if they are available, are a possibility, visit one or more friends on some evenings. Go out all by herself and have dinner at a quiet restaurant. Do things just for herself. If she joins a gym with pools and saunas, spend quiet time there by herself. She cannot let this man and his needs and pains, and wounds and sins consume her. That would not be God's will. Her entire life should not be consumed by him. Tell her I love her as much as him, and if she gives me more of herself, I love her more than him. I love the most whoever gives the most of themselves to me."

I asked NOSTRADAMUS, who is a humorous man if he can see any humor in this and he says:

"Tell Fan to count all the good things Joe has done for her and given her. Make a list of them. Then make a list of all the things Joe has done that deeply wound and hurt her - his attitudes and actions that are chronic. Then take a look at the contrast of good and bad on the list. If the bad far outweighs the good, in all these years, then it is not Fan's fault, it is something wrong with him. She did not cause the evil in him. To feel sorry for people does not mean that one has to let them hurt us. By marrying him Fan opened herself up to a situation where she'd be chronically hurt by a man who has no empathy, no heart, no love for God. It is doubtful if he has a relationship with God. There is no way he could relate to God and be as cold hearted and immature as he is. If there is any humor it is how funny it is for a woman to take on a man with so many faults. When you look at it, what does she think of herself if she would find tolerable a man with so many faults - a man who gives so little good and so much pain. My advise is that she'd spend more time on her own soul and her own needs, with God and with herself, repairing herself. Tell her she must love herself. When she really loves herself she will see a different picture of all life including Joe and her relationship with him. Divorce is not the only answer. The answer is her own healing. He has to wake up and work on his healing, and she has to work on her own also. You can pray for other people, but God does the healing. We cannot let them put us on the rack and turn the screws. This does not help us or them. If you allow someone to torture and hurt you, you allow them to sin. Letting them lie, cheat and steal and deceive us, and forgive them countless times, allows them to stay in the same behavior. They don't have to change because they are not punished for bad behavior.

What will make him change? Perhaps hitting rock bottom; if he's all alone and no one wants him any more. The people he'd get to be in a relationship would quickly leave him in weeks or months. The most stalwart, tolerant person might give him a year and then leave in disgust. Maybe then he'd

understand that he has to change from the bottom up. This change has to come about with his cooperation. It is who who has to surrender himself to God. We can pray, and we can sometimes take on another person's karma, but what about wasting one's whole life for a delinquent? You can help hundreds of people in your lifetime. But you concentrate on one giant baby, who is so immature, that all he does is harm.

Save yourself and hundreds of others through your prayers and good deeds."

He continues: "On the bad list, will be so many things. Lying to me, deceiving me, pursuing other women. He is not the breadwinner. That's a great blow against a man. Three, he is not warm hearted, loving and empathetic. He is cold, mean, arrogant. What is the good side? He's a man, he's there, he used to give me sex. He tells me he loves me. Is he capable of love? What is his love worth? What is the measure of it? It seems to me he doesn't love himself, his students, the people he was counseling. He's judge mental. He's typical of evil doers that are hypocrites. He's a pathetic heap of problems. Why do you deserve a pathetic heap of problems? When you write this list, this will help you more than anything you have done, Fan," says Nostradamus.

Next I hear from MUKTANANDA:

"Tell Fan that she is like a woman sitting on a horse, with saddlebags on either side of the horse. Those saddlebags are filled with filth and poison. She thinks that by some magic charm she can make that filth and that poison evaporate, but she can't. She wants to believe she can. The filth in the saddlebags is making the horse ill, and it's making her ill. It is making travel to her destination 10 times more difficult. Tell her to throw off the dirty saddlebags. Leave them there in the desert and the dust where God will eventually, through the natural process of time, eliminate the filth and the toxins in those saddlebags. Then she can find her destination, which is her own self realization; her own union and oneness with God - which is hard enough by yourself without having saddlebags filled with filth and poison at your sides. The horse is her vehicle, her way, path, religion and spirituality. The saddlebags with the filth and toxins are what is inside her husband. I'm not telling her she has to leave. I'm saying that this filth is not her responsibility and it is not her karma to carry it. Let him carry it. It's his; it belongs to him. Be indifferent. He's a torturer. If she can be indifferent and stay with him, then stay with him. If she cannot be indifferent, put distance between them when living together, there is no way to save herself but to leave him. If she thinks she's responsible for him, she must get over that. She did not create the filth and poison that is inside of him."

To me, Baba Muktananda said it best! I certainly wish Fan the greatest success and I wish Joe would go to his own greatest good. Hope you enjoyed this case study!